EVP366

this is a story split into parts so be sure to check back every week for a new part.



Paper street.


Walking down Paper Street reminded me of the good old times. Times when life was so much simpler and happier. I had been through complicated situations over the last year, which made me envy having the chance of standing under the clear night sky on such a street as this. It was quiet, peaceful, but also scary at the same time.

The last time I had the chance of staring at the dimly lit streetlights and the old cracked roads of Paper Street I was married and determined to make people remember my name. I made a promise to god the last time I was here, that I would return in glory, but sometimes thing don’t turn out that way.

I lost my wife in an underground shooting on a snowy night in east London. It would be shocking if it weren’t so sad. As She lay dying in my arms I had flash backs of the past, some I would rather forget. That night I became a street crawler, lured by the mystery of the darkness, hiding in shadows seeking any answers I could get. I had my share of secrets, but there wasn’t anyone to care for them.

I slowly fell into turmoil, depression can suck the life out of a living being and then spit it right back in your face in a massive heat wave. I no longer have any kind of income surviving on stealing and nature. I would never beg to people, I would never give them the satisfaction of looking down upon me and then squashing me in one single motion. I was ready to survive on my own in what people call “the big bad world”; I see nothing big about it.

As I started to walk down the quiet street hearing only my footsteps echo off the surroundings I began to think of my story and what it would mean to so many different people, and even if people cannot relate to my story At least it makes people aware of the shadow that walks among them. I knew that moment all my answers lie down this tiny street that I had become so familiar with, and I knew people would never forget the name paper street.




To be continued.

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"its only after you have lost everything that your free to do anything"

Chris Miller

I'm not sure if you are interested in feedback EVP366. Forgive me if you are not.

This is too slow a way to begin such a short piece. Also, cliche phrases like "the good old times" and "when life was simpler and happier" bog it down even more.

How can you "envy" what you are doing? Try "enjoy"

Don't tell me it was "scary." Show me something specific that brings uneasiness into your idyllic scene.

I would begin with this sentence.

This sentence adds nothing. Actually, it takes away.

two sentences
heat wave?

Starts with run-on sentence made worse by mixed past and present tenses.
Needs commas.
Too many groundless promises. Too much throat clearing.
lie=lay? Not sure what tense you are in by now though.
I'm from Missouri--show me.

I think you could portray a man whose unfortunate life experiences have made him into a misanthrope and probably a depraved lunatic with a lot fewer strokes of the pen and still give many more details and specifics.

CKM

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Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

Chris Miller

Hi miawriter. Actually I'm from Ontario. Missouri is the "show me" state according to their license plates.

__________________
the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html