A Glass Thought

Removed

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Chris Miller

Hi Glass,

First let me say that I enjoyed the rhythm and poetic feel of the piece, once I was able to force myself to read beyond the many glaring grammatical and tense errors.

You have a nice feel for language. The story is not bad either. Subtle.

But... Use "its" when you mean the posessive. It is like "his" or "hers" or "my". Use "it's" when you mean "it is" Okay? This one constant mistake almost destroys the beautiful flow of the piece.

Also, stay in the present tense. Do not drift in and out of the past tense. This is very distracting and just plain wrong. There are many examples of this. Here is an early and particularly glaring one:

Try "Between my slender fingers I rub blades of grass. They smell of gasoline." Or glom it into one sentence if you prefer. But watch your tense and plural/singular consistency.

There are a number of wrong word usages as well.

I think if you edit this carefully using an online dictionary you can easily turn it into a very good piece.

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mybluehell

this is pretty good. i deffinitely like the use of language, it feels like a poem almost but isn't nearly as boring as reading one (even though i write many myself). good stuff.

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A Glass Thought

Thanks to both of you for the compliments. Yeah, I realize there are some(many) errors in it, but my computer doesn't have Microsoft Word and I'm left writing everything in Notepad which is a beating for things like spellcheck and grammar errors. This means I have to check it myself(which a good writer would do anyway) but i'm lazy. And I've noticed my tendancy to switch between tenses, so that's something I need to work on. This was the first draft, so I intend to make changes. Thanks for pointing a few out for me.
hehe, I actually have a good friend named Chris Miller here in Texas.

__________________
"You have confused the true and the real." -George Stanley

I am worth $2,288,562 on HumanForSale.com

A Glass Thought

I went through and proofread it. I hope I got everything. Chris, I saw what you meant about the "it's" and "its." Damn did I butcher that one. Thanks for the advice though


Glass

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"You have confused the true and the real." -George Stanley

I am worth $2,288,562 on HumanForSale.com