COD_shorties

arighty my friend is name is Jacob, he writes the cod which comesin from my name cod_shorties so just say the shorties is my part of the name. This is his first little insy bitsy bit so enjoy it. rember just one paragraph.
Glossary:
oh ya callag is a wizard, hehe



Callaghan, Jodo, and Tommy were in a forest with trees high enough to merely reach the clouds; the trees’ thickness could easily make a small house. The trees were about fifteen meters away from each other, the roots expanded out, like the shape of a rainbow. The trees’ leaves were larger then Callag’s (Callaghan) hand. Some of the leaves were large enough to make a pouch.

The day faded to the west, and the forest was almost pitch black. Tommy become paranoid, with the twitchy feeling on his back that something would snatch him. Every minute or two Tom would look over his shoulder, gazing around; he then noticed a bright-gold light glowing behind a large bush. Tom pointed his finger at the light, “look,” he whispered. Callag and Jodo turned toward Tommy’s finger, examining the light. Cautiously they walked towards the glowing light. Slowly walking, the light then moved closer towards them. Their surroundings become brighter as they approached the light. They become not ten yards from the light and it almost seemed as if it were day. The light walked faster and faster, they ran behind a root waiting for the light to approach.
The light stopped, and silence fell around the forest. A deafening roar came from the light, they held their hands firmly against their ears, and the long roar still had a tremendous effect on them. The ground began to shake, and their bodies couldn’t take the roar much longer, it was too loud. Finally the light dimmed, and the roar stopped, and out of the light was a gargantuan deer. Even on four legs the deer was taller then Callag. Its coat shine like a pile of glittering gold, its eyes flared ruby red as bright as a two lit hearths in one room. The antlers were the size of Tommy’s body. They were amazed; their eyes could tell how magic, how beautiful the site was. The deer just stood looking at them, doing absolutely nothing.
Callag walked towards the deer, “Gormsphere, the mystic deer” said Callag.

valeca

I debated about replying to this one because what I'm going to say is going to sound offensive.

When I read this, I get two thoughts. Either you are very young or english isn't your first language.



Merely doesn't work here.
Toward his finger or toward where his finger was pointing? The way this is laid out suggests there's a light on Tommy's finger.
I'm using this as an example. The way you have this, the light is walking...something I've never seen light do. I thought it might have been an error, until I saw this:
---------

become doesn't work here.
Continuity again. They ran...yet they're waiting for the light to approach...something it was already doing before they ran.
out of the light came a...
Shone...altho pile makes this clunky. Shone like glittering gold is enough, if cliche.
This is choppy. '...as bright as fire in a hearth'...or something simple like that.

There are several of these types of sentences in here. The reason I wondered if english was your first language is the presence of several very short, repetative sentences.


Continuity problem.

Like I said, I wasn't sure if I should post because you could potentially take good intentions in a negative way...but I decided to anyway.
If you're offended, sorry. If you take the advice/crit in the spirit it was intended...great

Good luck and keep writing.

__________________
"...make your own nature, not the advice of others, your guide in life." --Pythia, Oracle of Apollo at Delphi

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