This is a little piece of flash fiction I wrote today while waiting for my shift at work to end. It got pretty boring around there, so this was a nice way to kill some of that boredom. Enjoy.
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A shock comedy
"Mort, will you stop that chanting, it's annoying."
Mort looked at his partner and said, "But it's a chant for good luck."
The man looked at Mort and said, "You can't seriously believe that your mumbling is making anything actually happen, do you?"
Mort shrugged. "It's always worked before. Besides John, you've never doubted my abilities before."
The man sighed, then mumbling said, "Why did I have to get stuck with a partner like him."
"All units, there is a.." came the radio just as a bullet ripped through the front windshield.
"Great leaping Mary!" shouted John as he flinched initially, then bailed out the drivers side door of his car.
Mort climbed out the other side of the car and shouted, "See? I told you it worked!" as he drew his pistol.
"You! Stay right where you are!" shouted John as he drew his pistol on a man as he ran across the street in front of him.
The man opened fire just as Mort shouted, "Barrier!"
John and Mort returned fire in turn, then stopped as the man stood startled, looking around to see if he had been hit. John also looked around to see if he had been hit but found no further damage to his patrol car or himself. "That's impossible! I know I hit him!" said John as he slid another clip into his pistol.
Mort grinned apologetically. "Sorry about that. I forgot that the barrier works both ways." He then looked forward and said, "Barrier release!" He then waited a second and fired two rounds at the man which found their mark dropping him to the concrete where he squirmed, then lay still.
John looked befuddled for a moment, then turned his attention to another man as he ran away. "Stop where you are!" shouted John as he drew a beed on the new suspect. This time the man had an automatic rifle and unloaded it in the general direction of the police car. John took cover as he prepared for what he could only assume would be a gigantic deadly hail of bullets, but once again no bullets struck the car. Again befuddled by this he looked over the edge of his door as the man started changing magazines, then looked at Mort as he panted slightly.
"I got it just in time." said Mort, his face flush and covered in sweat.
"You alright over there?" asked John.
Mort nodded. "I'm fine. Just a little exhausted. That spell takes a lot out of you."
John contorted his face a little bit and then looked back at the car radio. He quickly grabbed the mic and shouted, "Shots fired! Shots fired! Request backup. We are at east 5th street and are taking fire!"
"Magic arrow. Magic arrow. Magic arrow." said Mort.
"Will you stop that!" shouted John.
"Sorry, just trying to stop him from behind the barrier, but my aim is a little off." said Mort.
John grunted and shook his head. "I need to find a new partner."
"Magic talk of darkness, bind him!" shouted Mort as the man began retreating down the street as the sound of sirens could be heard in the distance.
"Will you stop that! I'm sick and..." said John as he caught some motion in the corner of his vision. He snapped his head around and watched as a large limb came crashing down out of a nearby tree and struck the fleeing suspect, knocking him out cold, then pinning him to the ground. "What in the..." he said in surprise. He then looked back at Mort in disbelief and said, "Don't tell me you did that."
Mort shrugged. "Actually, I wanted the tree to grab him, but I guess this will do." He then stood up, stumbled, then dropped to one knee.
"You alright?" asked John. Mort steddied himself on the car and panted as though out of breath. "I'm dropping the barrier now. I'm at my limit. So stay alert. Barrier release!" he said as he struggled to steady himself. John ran around the car and up to Mort and examined him for wounds, but found none. "Healing. Manna replenish." said Mort as he wavered briefly.
"Are you hurt? Do you feel pain anywhere?" asked John as he watched Mort seemingly come back to life and revitalize right before his eyes.
"I'm fine. Just ran really low on manna. But that last spell fixed that. I'll be ok." said Mort.
John looked really strangely at Mort, then getting up he said, "You stay there and catch your breath. I'm going to check on our two suspects. He ran out into the street at the first suspect that had been shot by Mort and surprisingly found no injuries on him. He did however find two large bumps on the man's forehead. Quickly checking his pulse he realized the guy was unharmed, but out cold. He then started to walk over to the other man who was laying on the sidewalk under a large limb unconcious and drooling on himself.
Then he stopped cold in his tracks as he stepped on something hard under his foot. He took half a step back and lifted up his foot to see a bullet laying untouched in the street. Leaning down to look at it he noticed several dozen more nearby, and yet others laying on his other side. He looked back towards his police car and saw ten large .45 caliber slugs laying near the front of his car. He then looked back to the bullets in front of him, picked one up and examined it. They hadn't deformed, been scratched or anything. "This is too weird." he said carefully returning the bullet to where it originally lay.
He walked down the street to the second suspect as several cars came screaming to a halt near him. He kneeled down next to the man and examined him. He too had been knocked out and the branch appeared to have simply separated from the tree. It wasn't dead, or rotted, or even weak. It was a very thick, healthy limb that appeared to have just detatched itself from the tree and fallen on the man. Several of the other officers walked up to him and began asking him questions about what happened while another called for an ambulance. He briefed them for a few moments, then was escorted away from the scene to talk to the supervisor on site about the incident. Several more men went over and checked on Mort at his request. As he was waiting for the supervisor to talk to him he looked back towards his squad car and said, "It's going to take two bottles of whiskey and a lot of explaining before this is going to make any sence." He then sighed and said, "Magic isn't possible...or is it?" He then looked back at Mort again and said to himself, "Maybe getting a new partner isn't such a good idea. Even if he is a loon, he's pretty handy to have around, especially with his luck." He smiled to himself, then chuckled as he put a cigarette between his lips and lit it.
The end.
