Maria Connie

Fearful Moments

There was She, with a book in her hands reading some old manuscript, trying to obtain knowledge to surpass the fears left by a car accident leaving scars all over her arm and mind, it wasn’t her fault but a drunk driver had hit her car while her mother and daughter, were sitting in the back seat and didn’t suffer wounds, she almost died as she lay underneath the motor of the car that oppressed her chest without leaving her much breathing space, luckily two guys passing by this empty highway stop and help her, taking the car motor off her chest while the steel reap her Arm, she did lost lots of blood wound in the head and bruises in her eyes but overcome the pain and the fear of loosing her life due to the rapid lost of blood pressure, she fought no to loose conscience by remembering she was needed by her young daughter only 5 yrs old, who was standing by her

A year has passed since that time and she was still undergoing treatment for her arm, she wasn’t doing much but read about what she like the most the secrets of live and the energy world that she was a part of, while reading this old manuscript the door bell rang, she put the book away and open the door, when gladly she greet an older cousin of her. Inviting him to come in and sit in the living room which was decorated in beige and gold with angel figures holding the glass of her coffee table where she put a tray with small coffee cups full of Cuban coffee. It was a long time they haven’t seen each other so there was a lot to talk about and so they did. He spend 9 year in a prison for been against a dictatorship and now he was free in United States and he had lot to say.

He told her how bad he was treated showing burns and scars of tortures produced by his captors at a prison in Pine Island, of course the mental trauma that all this nightmares left in him, the stories of horror were many, she never imagine it could be so much sadism in captors that enable them to commit such horrors, but the scars and burns in his body prove him right and she cry with him his horrible experiences they mourn the dead ones left behind and the ones that died in this new land of freedom.

She remember when she was 12 yrs old when the Bay of Pig Invasion in 1961 that paradise Island was shadow from the north to the South beaches with an scarlet veil of blood of Cubans both pro and against the Castro regime, she remember the trucks full dripping blood that pass by the main street of the town she used to lived and the fear reflected in everyone’s eyes when Militia from others province invade the town, strange faces and behaviors unknown to her.
New feelings to deal with, seen the family male imprisoned by the actual regime that still dictated the Island, the day she left her country full of fear that they won't allow her to depart and of sadness living her lovely island behind and all her relatives some dead , some in jail and some eager to follow her to USA. Now she had her cousin in front of her he thought to liberate his island from and oppressor dictator only becoming a victim of an international politic that still in effect now days of no intervention in Cuban affairs , signed by Kennedy and Nikita the them president of Russia ., It was much what they talk and cry, that came upon them the night surprise by the sun rays, then they realize there were another night left behind and a new day to master, then she realize her scars were just birth mark compare with her cousin scar fed life; He left saying see you soon, leaving a history of event of an oppress land, but there was another day and another set of duties and task she had to realized, while every one went with their lives, leaving behind the nightmares of the old land That is still in effect up to this day.

She was trying to conquer fear of driven again, she was experiencing dizzy spells every time she took the wheels and it wasn’t funny to drive under this conditions, so she put it off for another day but seen the family needs of her to drive and help she try the next day to drive around a park and see how it went, she did it she drove around the park and then out to the next street until she took the main highway and then expressway and although unsure and nervous she drove one more time. The second day of her driving while standing in a stop sign a big sound follow by shock a hit to the rear end of the car the whole accident came to her mind the turns the pain the scars and the dizzy spells again she park her car at the side of the street and ask the police that came into the scene, stating she was very nervous if they could call a taxi as she didn’t want to drive home so they did, but the next day she went to drive the car to her house when a car took the red light and hit her at a side, again the recurrent experiences the fear of loosing her life in a car accident, her back hurt but she didn’t want to go to the hospital, she thought is ok the pain will pass resulting in herniated of three disk in her vertebrate column again she left the car and went home by taxi and after a while she came to pick up the car and took it to a garage, the car had serious damages of the back door and the drivers door, when it was fix she went to pick it up and she wasn’t two blocks from the shop yet, went another car coming in the opposite direction hit her in the front, oh no! she exclaim fear invade her thinking that it was mean to be, she could died in car accident, this is too much, even the policeman were telling her we know is not your fault lady but seems to be you have problems with luck, we will advice you to let go driven for a while, she was sure then, heavens was telling her” don’t drive or else”, now she thought is no fear any longer is a warning so much to her discuss she sold her car and never drove again. In the middle of her recuperation from this accident she got invited to explore the southern tip of Chile the purpose was vacation time and know the culture of this people so she did accept and prepare her trip.

It was a sunny day and the Miami international airport was shinning with that bright light of the Florida Sun her three friends met her at the airport jolly and happy to go on vacation to an unknown place. In their itinerary was Eastern Island and Chile SA. It was a smooth rite up to Peru where the plane refuels, with four hours waiting time, her and her friends pick up a taxi and on the way they went to meet Lima a large city
With a mixture of renaissance Spaniards building and modern city, the people were nice but very poor and humble; she knew their culture their "ceviche" a mixture of fish with Shrimps and octopus, the famous dry potatoes, the food was excellent, the language wasn’t a problem, she knew Spanish since birth, after having lunch and mingle around a little they all went back to the airport, the plane took off after 15 minutes on the air, the plane start shaking even the knots and bolds shook, it was so bad that she was motion sick, she asked the steward ,what was happening? and they told her that she was crossing the wind halls, well, what it mean was that the plane was flying between the mountains in the so called “Cordillera de los Andes” looking down the window she saw the two mountains; they were so tall that the plane didn’t have enough ceiling to fly higher than the mountains and the wind cage between the mountains was what made the plane shake so badly she felt fear of falling down there but she reflected, no there is nothing worse than fear itself. and she put the thoughts behind her head, finally the arrival was announced and they all prepared for landing it was a big dive the pilot did, as Santiago is surrounded by mountains and from a high elevation they have to suddenly come down to the city that is a valley.

A their arrival to the Hotel located in the center of downtown Santiago, very nice and luxurious with a class very well known in the Spaniard interior décor she went to her assign room and taken a shower and rest she fall sleep, awaken by the knock at the door. There were her friend expecting her to have dinner with them, they went to this luxurious restaurant call "Enoteca" located in top of a hill in the middle of the city this hill is call “Cerro San Cristobal” famous for its wine cellar and French cuisine she enjoy plenty and taste the sparkling Chilean wines , finally they got back to the hotel and she rest the whole night in the morning they all went out to downtown Santiago and off to drink coffee at the Duo Brazil Café in Huerfano, very famous restaurant for the variety and quality of their coffee, and then the tourist came out when they visit all shops and department stores, museums and cathedrals. the craft in cooper and gold of this artisans was so beautiful she fall in love with all the leather engraves and nice leather boots that she saw, but most of all it did attract her this stone that is no to commonly seen in United State is call Lapizlazuli, is a dark blue stone with silver threads crossing it, very luxurious and attractive mounted in silver, she thought this country has all the art she like and she went ahead buying souvenirs to bring back home.

Arriving at the hotel and refreshing resting for a while looking at the only T.V channel in Santiago at that time she heard that there was bomb threads in the city also that the government had big opposition and it was a revolutionary movement going on; She saw some images or people been interrogating and didn’t like the smell of the whole news as she suddenly realize that some kind of revolution was going to take effect in the country.

That night she spoke about this with her friends at the hotel restaurant and they all laugh saying don’t worried we all are American citizens nothing will happen to us. She wished to be as confident as they were she was not born in USA although a naturalize citizen but she thought in her native country, they kill lots of US citizen starting by William Morgan, nevertheless they all went exploring the country on their third day traveling by train to the North to Reequip and to the South to Valdivia in what she called “The O’Higgins expedition” well, O’Higgins is a patriot of that country , a beautiful ride she had, in her opinion Valdivia is the Swiss of the America, green mountains and blue lakes and handsome looking man and women they are a blood mixture of German with Indian and Spaniard been the result of it all. They are a very handsome human being very hospitable and caring people, they stood three nights in Valdivia, the awe in meditations around the mountains and lakes was great in the South as it was in the North dessert, an awe the Valley of the Silence or the Valley of the moon as is called by the native.

Llamas were all around us they are cute little animals that looks like horses, she was scare of them at the beginning but then she saw how noble this animals are and how exploited they were by the locals, meanwhile the group went on in their trip to Eastern Island. The amphibian boat took them to the sands of Eastern Island, beautiful place right in the deepest waters of the South Pole, it was summer time but a chill air invade her when she saw the stone heads facing north, No one knows how they got there or who placed them there, they are many stories but the truth is they will remains there for many years to come. She touch the stones and she felt fear, it was funny it was a fear of been left out in a strange place with no one around, she shared it with her friends and they all laughs and so she smile back

She talk to the natives and they told her many stories of an organization of spiritualist that had meeting underneath the secret caves underneath the mountains according to them they were name “The Pacific”, the locals had tales said beings from other planets looking like lizard standing in two feet’s used to visit the place she asked if it was official and said no because they kill the ones that tells where or when they meet, is a mysterious island and once there any one can feel a different vibration, well she thought she didn’t want to meet this lizards so she didn’t pursue the stories the days that follow were joyful swimming. Running and having fun, they went back to Santiago and two days after they were supposed to come back to the United States but were dilate it by a coupe
Fear hit her again, the sensation of imprisonment, murder and the inability of escaping the horror
undergoing Santiago, they stood two days in the hotel room not been able to go out from their rooms, she fear for her life they were killing Americans that were in the country, they were also killing and persecuting any one that liked the previous government in that country of course they were in a tourist trip nothing to do with politics.
The bombs the killing etc were so scary and to top it up two earthquake follow the nightmares as she wanted to run out of her room but she wasn’t allow thinking that she wasn’t going to make it to US. Again praying and crying with no tears her destiny and learning experiences.
Remembering the feeling she had at Eastern Island of been left behind, thoughts cross her mind, maybe because she was a Cuban-American and a Naturalized USA Citizen the new government won't allow her to go out of this country, at the time they were persecuting Cuban naturals that were in the country backing the old regime of Salvador Allende, fears evolved her, then the bombs were heard all night, bullet sounds, airplanes flying low , and outside the door a policeman with a shot gun in his hands, until finally, a knock at the door three officials came in and took her and friends out of the hotel repeating in a fast low tone "Vayan Para us Casa" in English means "Lets go Home" they took them to the airport of Merino in Santiago and from there they took the LAN Chile plane back to Miami, Florida she felt again the same sensation of freedom when devised the Miami Bay, been thankful that her life was spare once more

No long after while driving her daughter to school she received several anonymous phone calls from a young man stated that her ex husband living in another state was preparing all conditions to steal her 6 yrs old daughter and leave with her to some place unknown, she felt a tremendous fear this could happen, she did call the authorities and they told her to prove it, calling the phone company to investigate the origin of the call and they told her it will take at least a month to find out. well she though in a month any thing could happen the phone calls were coming on every day, describing the cloth that her daughter was wearing to school, how the bus driver looked, the bus schedule, what her mother was wearing when she wait for the bus to pick her daughter up, every thing was detailed and she grew in fear.
A Sunday afternoon she took her mother and daughter to church as accustomed in the Catholic rites, and when they came back much to their surprise the house was robed, the doors were broken and their electrical equipment and jewelry were gone, again she informed to the local police stating she has received threats from an anonymous caller that her ex-husband was planning to steal her daughter but they didn’t do anything about until she got the phone number of the caller, then they will start an investigation, she was in panic they never found the thief’s and the next day she did received another phone call saying today is the house next thing is your daughter, she was terrorize then she decided to leave the city and so she moved to a private exclusive very well protected sector and change her daughter from school, advising the previous school no to tell no one of her daughter whereabouts, then she felt more at ease.

Two month after her moved the phone company sent her a letter saying, the phone calls were made from a public telephone in Miami, Fl ending that investigation for lack of proof, but she felt secure in the place she was living and didn’t received no more threats.

Years passed went she met an old acquaintance that use to like her in a romantic way , she was single and she date him, she didn’t know he had been involved in illicit dealings and was of a very violent nature, possessive and ambitious.
He played it as a legit businessman owner of land and of good moral and character; at least that was what she knew of him. She thought to give it a try and date him and see where it was going to take them, she felt very attracted by his gentile manners and display of generosity with her and the family, she got involved in the relation and date him for three years until she told him that she had to travel for her daughters behalf and then he react violently, she was surprise at his words and actions , he push her when she try to get near him to tell him to calm down that she will come back, she was going for a round trip just to place her daughter in college at another state.

He was blind he pull a gun and place it in her head, again the terror, the fear produced this time by the cold cannon of an smith and Wesson, her whole life passed by a second in front of her life and then a cold sweat invade all her body but the warm thought of preserving the life to see her daughter grown and educated gave her strength again and then she thought fast while he was threatening to kill her if she ever leaved him.
The fear impregnated came back again, her whole life came in front of her eyes , she saw in him her first husband violence when while strangulating her told her that he has another women that he loved and he was ready to kill her and their daughter just to get rid of them, and abandoning her strength she saw all dark while the air was cut from her lungs by the pressure of her ex husband hands, and seen her with no strength to fight back he left her on the floor then she could breath once again and after a while she pick up herself from the floor , just picking up her daughter of then one year old that was in the play pan repeating , daddy leave mom alone. all came to her and so she react one more time turning toward him listening at him screaming don’t move I kill you, slowly she whisper very calm in a low sensual voice "How can you kill what you love the most", "You won’t kill me because I love you too" He put the gun down and made passionate love to her. She felt at that time rape but didn’t say nothing and play the game of life or death.
Next day he took her to the beauty parlor and left her there to pick her up 2 hours after, at that moment she call her best friend and asked her to take her to the airport with her daughter and then she left the state, leaving behind all her belongings and properties to start anew in another state.
One year later she heard that the man was dead; he died from cancer a tumor in his head. Then she forgives him understanding now his irrational and deadly behaviors.

She started a new life 10 min from New York City, her daughter graduated college, she travel extensively, and saw through out her daughter education with a maximum sacrifice of both sides. One morning, she went to a New York University where her daughter was working as a teacher, when arriving to the door she heard an explosion turning her head she saw only 14 blocks from where she was standing. the twin towers they were on fire a second explosion follow the first and she run up the stairs to her daughter classroom, talk to her and both went to a near by hospital to be of services she fear for their life as the police and fire dept was taken a big tall and body parts were arriving to the hospital following the next 2 days , Manhattan was a war zone National Guard all over news arriving of the Pentagon attack and their lost the ones kill in the plane and then more fireman and policeman dead trap in the towers , it was a mixing of fear and frustration nothing could be done.
Hell has visited New York,
She was trapped in the middle of this no able to cross the river to go back home with her daughter but she remain center and balance in the knowing she was helping out and her daughter was with her no matter if they were in the middle of a war zone. Seen death and feeling terror once again in her life, overcoming the fear seen the need of counseling at the spiritual level, those relatives of victims of a mad and selfish guy. Years has past and all is in her mind, knowing that in her fearful moments, she had been saved by her great respect for the Highs of them all and her wish to be of service, been bless by the Grace of the Most High with this earthly life.

Rev. Maria De La Gandara copyright2004

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Maria De La Gandara