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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
02-24-2005, 12:08 AM
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#1
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Waco, TX
Gender: Male
Posts: 840
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No Questions (for Crzy)
....
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02-24-2005, 12:21 AM
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#2
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Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wouldn't you like to know? hehe...
Posts: 2,597
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i truly love you, dillo. that was great. i love your sly humorous lines. in fact, i like it so much i'm not going to nitpick it to hell.
LOL
~Crzy
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02-24-2005, 12:43 AM
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#3
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Waco, TX
Gender: Male
Posts: 840
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Anytime. 
__________________
You have not yet begun to scratch the surface of my depravity.
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02-24-2005, 03:27 PM
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#4
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Scribe
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: California
Posts: 81
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I really liked this. It was descriptive, suspenseful, and held my attention all the way through to the end. I like the way the focus shifts from Rogers to Newcollen part way through. The transition was smooth and not distracting.
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02-24-2005, 03:31 PM
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#5
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: North Carolina
Gender: Male
Posts: 900
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I agree with reni....It was very-well written, the transitions weren't "bumpy" as I call them...the writing was superb....Hope you can turn this into a novel.
NW
__________________
"There are only two things that scare me...Dr. Evil and Carnies. You know, circus folk. They have small hands and smell like cabbage."
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02-24-2005, 03:49 PM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,581
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*kneels down and kisses your feet*
There were one or two things I though were odd, like 'he was slowly freezing', and it sounds like he's physically freezing, but unless i missed something, they are on some sort of warm island.
But besides that, you should be nomintated for best battle sequences.
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02-24-2005, 05:31 PM
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#7
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Waco, TX
Gender: Male
Posts: 840
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Thanks Reni, Novice, and DH.
(DH) In regards to the freezing part, I meant that he was hesitating too long, and if he didn't move soon he might find himself unable to move at all.
Thanks again
(oh, and welcome back Novice) 
__________________
You have not yet begun to scratch the surface of my depravity.
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02-24-2005, 05:32 PM
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#8
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: North Carolina
Gender: Male
Posts: 900
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Thanks Dillo..... I'm glad to be back...
__________________
"There are only two things that scare me...Dr. Evil and Carnies. You know, circus folk. They have small hands and smell like cabbage."
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02-24-2005, 05:38 PM
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#9
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: I really just wanna see how long a message I can type in here before the words get cut off and you c
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,435
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Wow, you're amazing.
No critique I can think of.
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02-24-2005, 05:59 PM
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#10
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Waco, TX
Gender: Male
Posts: 840
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I find it odd that so many people are liking this one. I wrote it in thirty minutes or so and figured it would bomb.
Never can tell, I guess.
__________________
You have not yet begun to scratch the surface of my depravity.
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02-24-2005, 06:00 PM
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#11
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Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: wouldn't you like to know? hehe...
Posts: 2,597
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i know the feeling, dillo. i wrote 'toy soldiers' back when i was 13, i expected terrible comments.
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02-24-2005, 06:45 PM
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#12
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: I really just wanna see how long a message I can type in here before the words get cut off and you c
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,435
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Well, Pawn at least justified your expectations.  |
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02-24-2005, 07:02 PM
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#13
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Is that an existential question?
Posts: 1,863
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War
I have to say this---that out of all forms of subjects, I loath war/military conflict. It has to be really, really good to keep my attention once I get past the first line---and you did it. Its gonna shock my military buds, but I really enjoyed this. It was rich, well detailed, and gripping. Congrats, and I look forward to more...
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02-24-2005, 10:18 PM
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#14
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Waco, TX
Gender: Male
Posts: 840
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Glad you liked it, Wyndstar. I suspect I got around your dislike for military fiction with the overall length - two pages doesn't really give you the time to build a solid distaste for something. It's one of a handful of tricks I've been toying with as of late.
__________________
You have not yet begun to scratch the surface of my depravity.
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02-24-2005, 10:22 PM
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#15
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,581
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Dillo, you do realize you could write a battle scene between a pink rabbit and a block of hard cheddar and it would still be an excellent read, don't you?
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