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Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
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Small piece of work
Hey everyone, I'm new here, this is my first post. I like the community here, much more active than any I've seen before.
I wrote this for a midterm in my lit class and actually liked it a lot. I'm thinking of turning it into an entire story, expanding on everything. Let me know what you think. Thanks.
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Sometimes you forge a path, hacking away at the foliage, working through the obstacles, only to find you’ve walked yourself in a circle and ended up right where you started. Sometimes you make a decision, keep your convictions behind it the whole way against all protests, only to find you were wrong all along. I did...
“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered into the phone. His head hung low as he leaned forward off the couch, his cell phone clutched against his right ear.
“I don’t want this to happen. Please!” The voice on the other end pleaded with him. As much as he hated himself for what he was saying, Jack saw no other way for it to be.
“I can’t do it anymore. I..I can’t do it.” His words were weak and shaky. Did he really believe himself? The sobbing on the other end of the line continued to pierce his heart like a blade, but as deep as it dug, it didn’t dig deeper than the feelings he had been feeling the weeks preceding his decision.
The sobbing was sucked up in a deep breath and a moment of silence ensued. Jack caught himself holding his own breath, listening intently for any sign from the receiver pressed to his ear.
“Fine.” Again the tone of the words pierced Jack, made him catch his breath short, this time swallowing it hard. “If this is the way you want it, I can’t stop you. But you’re making a mistake. You’re throwing away the best thing you have because you think you’re missing something. You’re not.. You’re not!” Click.
Jack sucked in a mouthful of air. His eyes watered as he flipped the phone shut and shoved it in his pocket. He rose from the couch, only to lean himself on the wall, holding himself steady.
“I’m doing the right thing.. I am.” He reassured himself. “It’s better this way.” Jack pushed off the wall, took the steps in front of him with heavy feet and let himself into his room at the top of the stairs. His heart weighed his body down into his bed. Staring up at the ceiling, he couldn’t help but picture her in his mind. All the memories from the past year and a half flowed through his mind like some cliche movie moment. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting his mind clear. As he drifted off to sleep, he began to relax, feeling as though a house had been lifted from his shoulders. Yes. This is best, it is. Sleep came mercifully that night.
That was three long weeks ago. I told her I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I told her I just needed time to see where I wanted to be. She didn’t fully understand me, I’d rather leave than to cheat. I told her if she gave me some time, I could be the man she needs, but I need time to see where I want to be. She cried, told me there shouldn’t be a doubt on where I wanted to be. I agreed, which was why I had to figure it out, I didn’t want to doubt. And it hurt. When you love someone, you don’t want to hurt them. But when you don’t love someone anymore, it hurts even more. I never wanted to hurt her, but I needed time alone. I needed to see what life was like without her...
And here I sit, staring at the blinking cursor of my word processor. Regrets and apologies running through my head. How to word this, how to phrase that. How do you put words to the biggest mistake you’ve ever made? How do you apologize for throwing away something as pure as love? How do you show blindness? That’s what I was, blind.
Blind no more, I see only her. I remember the days we spent. It’s the little things I miss most, as they always say a broken heart does. The way she let her golden hair fall after a long day of work, to relieve the stress. The way I ran my fingers through it like a gold digger and how rich the reward was. The softness of her voice as she whispered my name when I came in late and she fought to stay awake for my arrival. The way her head fit perfectly within the crook of my neck as I climbed under the sheets.
The little things...
What I miss the most is the way she looked at me. Oh how she looked at me sometimes. I always caught the stare out of the corner of my eyes, and I knew it was there. It was one of those looks you feel in the very fibers of your body. Her eyes fixed on me was majestic. It was as if, in her eyes, there was nothing else in the world save for me. I alone existed in that stare. Around me she built a world, my world; Her world. I alone belonged in that world.
Every time I close my eyes I try to wish myself back into that world. I imagine clicking my heels together, opening my eyes, and staring into those pools of chocolate brown one more time, and never leaving them.
Alas, the doors to said kingdom have closed on me, perhaps forever. Her gaze sits on the pavement in front of my feet, no longer reflecting into my eyes.
And here I sit, staring at the blinking cursor, struggling to find words for the expressionless.
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