x Lucy

I turned towards him and saw his skeleton-like features and the grey of his fur. His face had changed so much, yet still it looked the same. I replayed the moments I could remember of my last encounter with him in wonderland and smiled,
“Crying does no good, Alice, but nor does smiling,”
“What on earth do you mean?” I said, rather surprised.
“Wonderland is not the fairytale it used to be, little girl, only the ones who can fight survive the battles, and now wonderland has turned into an asylum, pretty much like this one,”
I stared at him, I couldn’t believe it.
“Battles? Surviving? Excuse me, but whatever do you mean?”
“Dear girl, are you so vain? Wonderland is dying,”


I woke up in a sweat and wiped the tears from my eyes. I was cold and shivering and unable to sleep whilst the cat roamed the halls. I could hear his sinister laugh ringing in my ears and I could see his amber eyes staring down upon me. I need to escape but as I lifted my head I felt a searing pain in my neck. It travelled up the side of my face and I clutched my hands to my cheek. Suddenly something wet hit the surface of my hand and I pulled it away quickly. I was bleeding.

My eyes glittered with tears and I screams, covering my hands and face with the blanket that covered me. Rocking back and forth I wished he’d come back,
“Catttt” I whispered, “Cheshire catttt… I need you, come back,”
I closed my eyes and imagined him sitting in front of me, grinning.
“Dear girl, why do you cry? My eyes cannot bear to see you unhappy,”

I opened my eyes, staring straight at him. I beamed and flung my arms around his skeletal body, hugging him tight,
“Oh my, Cat,” I cried, “look at all the blood!!”
Pulling away from him, I sat up, the distant echo of footsteps finding their way down the corridor. The cat put a paw on my hand and stared at me with his intense amber eyes,
“Alice, it’s all in your imagination,” he wiped his paw against the blood and it seemed to seep back into my skin, “There’s nothing there,”
"But.. Cat.. There was.. It was on my fac-"
I was cut off as the cat started to dissapear, his large ears and battered face becoming transparent. I reached out for him, pleading.
"Please don't go, your all I have here! Please!"
My hand flew straight through his barely viable skin,
"Don't go.."

lisajane

This is alright. I personally don't think it should be any longer, but I don't feel enough from the story.

A few things:

- occasionally you put a comma where there really should be a full stop. This commonly occurs with dialogue with this story, for example: '... it seemed to sweep back into my skin, "There's nothing there,"' should probably be '... it seemed to sweep back into my skin. "There's nothing there."

- you don't really need to use two exclamation marks. This occurred at: '"Oh my, Cat," I cried, "look at all the blood!!"'

- for easy reading, you should put a line between dialogue and description

- the quotation marks change in style from '"But... Cat... There was... It was on my fac-"' but I don't know whether this was fault of your own or not.

- eplisies should be ... and not ..

- I'm not sure whether this should be fan-fiction or not, because there seems to be enough originality...

- and finally, while reading this, a title of 'Wonderland Slips Away' came to mind.

Not being harsh or anything, just giving you some feedback and constructive criticism .

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'Beauty stands and waits with gravity to start her death-defying leap. And he, a little charleychaplin man, who may or may not catch her fair eternal form spreadeagled in the empty air of existence.' - Laurence Felinghetti, 'The Acrobat'