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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 11-26-2004, 06:34 AM   #1
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Camping trip (rough draft)

It was about 7 towards midnight when Arcile told me of the newly planned camping trip, and at first it seemed like a very bad idea. To head to the great unforgiving Rocky mountains with only a half hour prep time on a cold, Colorado night in the middle of October with guys like Chris and Rob and a van full of beer, well, it�s just not what the jew�s call �kosher�. But Ive never subscribed to the jewish religion, and I figured what the hell, might as well live, if only for this one last night, so I agreed.



I was given about 28 minutes to fill my backpack with a blanket, extra sweater, hatchet, and a gaggle of illegal firecrackers. It turned out to be more than enough time. We would be meeting the twins right off the freeway, also bringing a girl, Kim, I had just met the night before, of course rob and chris, and Kirsten, the girl who lives in the upstairs room of our four bedroom house deep in the suburbs of Denver. We brought three vehicals, three cases of beer, and five or six bottles of liquer, not to mention the weed. With six young partiers, a bunch of weed and beer, and a remote mountain location, we had all the makings of a classic horror movie/slasher flick. I was convinced we would be accosted by some dark, hockey mask clad monster with an ax or machete, but my fears turned out to be based on a primitive fear of early 80�s movies, and totally unfounded.



Anyways, back to the beginning. We loaded up the van with chairs and tents, and split ourselves between the two vehicals, Kirsten and Chris in the van, myself, rob and Kim in her car. Kim and I had met the night before, and we clicked rather nicely, having been up drinking on my couch at the previous nights party until our hormones took over in the fashion that alcoholic hormones usually do. She seemed to be digging me, so I figured hell, lets go out to the woods and see where it goes from there. The thing was, she already had plans with her ex boyfriend, but I knew those would be broken. I knew this even while she said she wouldn�t be able to make it. To know how I knew this, you have to know about me. Im RJ, and to be me, it means to live the dream. True to form, she called back and came over, getting there five minutes before we were set to leave.



The way out was long, and wrought with peril, wrong turns, and curving back road highways. The simple act of getting gasoline became a half hour journey, and by the time we turned off the bright lights of I 25, Rob, Kim and I were ready to smoke some pot. We loaded the bowl, and everything was going well. We had just reached the first stages of stoned oblivion when the road ahead of us got dark and twisty. The turns seem to come quicker than the road itself, and dark mountains surrounded us on both sides. It gave sort of an erie tunnel feeling, like the world was slowly closing in around us. Though the other two had no idea what was going on in my head at that time, and I was calm and cool on the outside, though on the inside, I was losing my mind. But my feeling soon changed as we turned off onto the dirt road into the camp area.



It was about 9:30 when we finally got to the site we were to use, and the general feeling amongst the group was one of immense thirst for alcohol. After setting up tents and spending a bit too much time building a fire, we poured the first drinks. Right there, we sat around the fire in a semi circle of alcohol and good weed, underneath the great vastness of the huge October rocky mountain sky, and set about doing what people do in situations such as that. You know, drink, smoke, talk, feel the quiet of the forest at night, and generally revel in the freedom that can only be found far away from society in the dark corners of the world.



After about two hours or so, we ran out of wood, and Chris and I were forced to venture into the night and dislodge a root for warmth. It was dark, and we only had one weak flashlight. If there is a psycho killer out here, this will be the time he would choose to strike. I readied myself for battle, though it would never come. I guess this wasn�t the night for my small part in the slasher, teen flick. Oh well, all the better, I had enough drama in the past year for the entire Scream trilogy.



After a while, Kim and I got bored, and decided to go watch the stars from the roof of her car. After discovering the top of her car wouldn�t hold both of us without causing serious damage, we came to the conclusion that the ground would work just as well. After spreading out the blanket, positioning the beers, and grabbing a pillow, we both layed together under a nice, tall pine tree.



All of a sudden I felt myself at a loss for words. I became nervous, and forgot everything we had in common, I just couldn�t think of anything to say. Luckily, I know a bit about astronomy so decided to pull that card, and start speaking about the stars. We talked about that for a while, then about a few other things, and soon the feeling of stagnation was long gone. It was only really in my mind, im sure she never even felt it for a second. But who knows, womens minds often work in stranger and more mysterious ways than the most complex of mathmatical problems.



We hung out there for a while, and then decided to rejoin the fire circle. It had dropped one member, as Rob had regailed himself to sleep due to his job at radio shack he had to be at in 10 hours. I had poured a yager drink when I got there, and just at that moment found it. It was a good find, since I hadn�t been really drunk yet, and the time had come for my senses to be dulled completely by alcohol. After slamming that, taking another shot and drinking a couple more warm fosters, I was about where I needed to be.



From that point on, we sat around drunk on life, playing with the fire, talking about god knows what with not a worry in the world. The wilderness will do that to you, it will snap you out of any depression, any stress, indeed even dare I say bring you back from the very edge of hell. It is a peaceful, quiet place where almost anything is possible, and the confines of everyday life simply do not exist. It�s a feeling of the truest, most pure freedom ever to be known, anywhere. The only thing that really does it any justice at all is to say that it is unexplainable in even the most complex of words.
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Old 11-26-2004, 01:18 PM   #2
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you don't have to be jewish to use a yiddish word or phrase here and there... 'it's not kosher' has long been a part of the english lexicon... along with 'schmuck' and 'nebbish' and lots of other stuff you probably don't even know is yiddish!

your reference to 'jewish religion' and all is totally out of context... doesn't even relate to what you're using it for... so just use the term, if you can use it coherently, and drop all the explanatory foofaraw...

fyi, 'not kosher' means something's 'not quite legit'... you're using it as if it means 'not smart'...

i'll leave the rest of this piece for others to critique... i don't usually do long stuff on boards... but that bit sorta jumped out at me and i had to put in my 2 shekels ...

hugs, maia
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Old 11-26-2004, 06:09 PM   #3
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You might want to sit and look over the story once again, it jumps around too much to stay interesting, maybe put some of the paragraphs together and remove some of the repeating things. You talk about three cars, then there's only two, lots of beer and pot and other alcohol, but I don't think that contributed to the mixed up story.
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Old 11-26-2004, 07:42 PM   #4
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I appreciate the honesty and suggestions, And am honored you all took the time to read my work.
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