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Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 11
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The Key
The sound of my alarm woke me from a deep sleep. Eyes still closed, I reached over to shut the offending device off. As I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was that I was alone in bed. My husband was already gone. This was unusual of course, because I was the early riser in the family.
Still wondering where he could have gone at this early hour, I almost didn’t notice what had been left in his place on the pillow; A small brass key. I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. He’d left me the key.
My mind went back to the horrible argument we’d had the night before. I’d been organizing our closet and found this small locked box. Wondering where it had come from, I brought it into the living room to ask my husband.
Seeing the box in my hands, his eyes grew wide.
“Where did you get that?” he demanded.
“It was in our closet. I assume it’s yours,” I said.
“That’s right it’s mine, now put it back,” he said defensively.
“Well, what is it?”
“That’s none of your business,” he told me, getting up from his chair and stalking towards me.
“What do you mean it’s none of my business, I’m your wife?”
“Give it to me,” he said, trying to take it out of my hands.
“Not until you tell me what’s in it,” I said, stubbornly.
“It doesn’t matter, it’s mine and I don’t want you touching
it.”
“What is it, pictures of your old girlfriends? Your little black book?” I teased.
“Would you just give it to me?” he yelled, angry now.
“Why won’t you tell me what it is?”
“Because it’s none of your damn business, that’s why.”
“None of my business? I hate to break it to you but I’m your wife, have been for 6 years now, and there are no secrets between us.”
“Would you just put it back where you found it?”
“Not until you tell me what’s in it.”
“No, damn it. Give it to me,” he pulled it out of my hands and stormed out of the room.
I’d never seen him so angry. Then again, I’d never pushed him about anything that much. I’d never had to, he was always so open with me… until now. I wondered what could possibly be in that box that would get him all riled up like that. It had to be something big, because he was certainly an unflappable man.
He spent the rest of the night in the basement, hiding out in his office. He often went down there when we’d have a fight, and I knew better than to try to go after him. He still hadn’t come up when I went to bed.
Now, after all that hassle last night, there was the key, lying on the bed beside me. I held it in my hand. It felt warm, like he’d been holding onto it for a long time. I turned it over and over in my hand. Now that I had the key, I was almost afraid to know the secret that it would unlock.
Taking a deep breath, I coerced myself out of bed, and I crossed the room to the dresser, atop of which the box had been placed. I put the key into the lock and turned it. It unlocked with a barely audible ‘click’. I opened the box, and felt my heart jump into my throat when I saw what was in it.
A yellow stuffed elephant looked up at me with glassy eyes. A downy soft baby blanket, a copy of The Cat in The Hat, which had been my husband’s favorite book as a child, and finally a grainy black and white sonogram picture. Our baby; the one I’d lost less than six months earlier.
We’d only known that I was pregnant for a few weeks before I miscarried. I was devastated when it happened, for weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About what the baby would have been like, whether it would have been a boy or a girl, who it would have looked like. I wondered what I’d done wrong, whether God was punishing me for something, I just couldn’t understand how this could happen. Yet, through the whole ordeal he was there for me, always supporting me. He was my rock and he never faltered. I guess I just assumed that it hadn’t affected him the same way it had me. But this box proved otherwise.
I held the soft blanket up to my face, pressing my cheek against it. It was then I noticed a folded piece of paper at the bottom of the box. I opened it up and recognized my husband’s familiar scrawl.
Dear baby,
I guess that’s all I can really call you since we never found out if you were a boy or a girl. We didn’t know about you for very long, and we never really got a chance to pick any names.
I just wanted you to know that we’re going to miss you. We were really looking forward to having you as a part of our lives. We waited for you for a long time, and in the end, we never even got to meet you. I want you to know that we loved you very much.
We won’t ever forget you. And though one day we will have another baby, they won’t replace you. I know that you’re looking down from heaven on us, and I want you to know that we’re smiling up at you.
I love you,
Daddy
As I finished the letter tears streamed down my face. All this time, I’d never noticed. I’d never known that he was hurting just as much as I was. How could I have been so blind? I wasn’t the only one who’d lost the baby, we’d lost a baby; both of us. I guess I’d been too caught up in my own grief to realize how much it had affected him.
Looking up from the letter to reach for a tissue, I saw him standing in the doorway. Wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my pyjamas, I stood up and crossed the room to him. He opened his arms, and I fell into them, sobbing. He held me tightly as I tried to pull myself together.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I told him, sniffling.
“I didn’t want you to,” he stated.
“We’ll get through this,” I told him, “we’ll try again.”
“I know.”
“I love you so much,” I told him, “and you don’t always have to be the strong one. We can get through it together.”
He nodded. “I know we can. I love you too.”
FIN
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