Black May - Writers Forum

Dairy Pharmer · 11-22-2004, 09:17 PM

This story is VERY important and special to me. It is true, but I need help fixing it up. I've meant to write this for a very long time. Thanks for reading.

Black May

I drove home laughing out loud. The stars shone on the reservoir as I zipped over the causeway. I had just completed my freshman year of college with high honors the week before, and tonight I had spent with a guy I had a growing crush on. I hadn't been this completely happy in years!

Matt was absolutely brilliant and a true sweet heart. I thought so anyway. I didn't have to work that day or the next and he had called and asked me if I wanted to go for a drive with him out to Pleasant Lake to his cousin's camp. I jumped at the chance. So far we had only exchanged numbers to study together for chemistry.

I admired his brains and his strong arms as they lay on the tabletop in the library, scarcely covered by a short sleeve oxford shirt. The mix of the strength and intelligence scene was overwhelming. He had wild light brown hair and amazing blue eyes and was over 6 foot tall. I always wanted to date a taller guy. Over the past year I had finally gotten to know him more, and we spent a lot of time together at school. His almost impeccable study habits would get on my nerves though, I was perfectly content staring into his eyes all evening.

Anyway, I made the 20 minute ride to his house in a bit shorter by breaking a few speed limits in my rusty old truck. I got there with the help of his directions, and he answered the door and gave me a quick tour of their grey rough-cut sided house and his mother's horse barn. He showed me his racing motorcycle, a Ducati 900, it was red and sparkling in the late afternoon sunlight.

With a few awkward silences here and there I nervously hopped in his car and started making our way through the neighboring towns and out towards the lake. The radio was on and we talked and laughed and sang cheesy 80's and rap songs all the way there. As we neared the lake, the sky began to darken and rain was falling. Matt had said he was glad he opted not to take the bike. He never rides in the rain. I was mildly disappointed. I'd never ridden. the thought of hugging onto sombody as great as him was pretty compelling.

We pulled in the gravel drive and threw on some obnoxiously colored jackets that were in the car, one was his mom's, she had left it there conviently for me. We went into the shed, and found an amplifier for a stereo; Matt had said his cousin asked him to look it over to install it into his boat soon. It was still raining lightly and we went down to check out the lake and the grey, steamy view.

Realizing we were slowly getting soaked, Matt offered that we go inside. We went in through the screen porch and there was a refrigerator full of drinks. The door was locked to the inside, so we were stranded on the screen porch and hung out there for a while. The fridge contained "Sex on the Beach" drink mix and there was an odd tension in the air after we noticed and giggled about it. Not entirely unwelcome. I nervously played with a curl in my auburn hair. We talked about school and our futures and then noticed it was getting late. We went to the car and quickly got in and left the little red camp behind us. I kept thinking to myself, I should have kissed him.

On the way home we stopped at a Burger King to get something to eat. Matt suggested I call home and I declined, figuring no one would mind if I didn't come home til late. I half ate my dinner, my stomach was churning with excitement. I had to keep telling myself, come on it's just Burger King, it's not like it was a 5 star restaurant and you think he's going to propose tonight. The butterflies just wouldn't go away. I kept noticing him looking at me, and just hoped and prayed he was thinking I was pretty, cause I never have. He was just so perfect!

We drove back to his house, Matt singing more goofy songs and the two of us laughing it up. We made it home and stood outside under the night sky in the warm humid air and talked awkwardly for a while. Gingerly, we made plans to get together and go hike the Snow Hole trail in the Berlin mountains the next day. I was to call him. I quickly hugged him good bye cause I was still too damn nervous to kiss him, and got in my black truck and drove home.

When I arrived home, it was a war zone. Mom was in bed and had left a "nasty-gram" on my bedroom door, detailing I was till too young to be making up my own curfues, but it was ONLY 11 o'clock, out with a guy no one knew yet to God-knows-where. My dad sprawled at the computer comfortably chatting someone up and playing poker. He half-heartedly requested to just call when I'm going to be out late. Wanting to impress Matt, I didn't feel it was THAT necessary.

I got ready for bed and fell asleep wondering how tomorrow's hike would be with him. Would I kiss him? Would he kiss me? I was only 19 and still quite confused about somethings. How do I know he even likes me like that? I'm going to make an ass out of myself.

I woke around 9am the next day and spent a little while taking an extra long shower and preparing an outfit suitable for hiking. I packed my old green book bag with some water bottles, a camera and some snacks and laid in wait in the living room watching T.V. until a reasonable hour to call him without being a stalker.

My mom had left a note on the fridge, saying that she and my brother were up at camp, it being Memorial Day weekend and that my dad was supposed to come up from work later. She also wished me well and left money for a pizza for dinner sometime, and wished me a good day at work Saturday. I was watching some garbage day time T.V. full of paternity tests when I heard a car pull up the driveway.

To my slight disappointment, it was only my father. He came inside and said hello and began packing some things into a bag. I was absent mindedly watching the show and barely noticed that he was taking an awful long time to pack whn he called me out into the other room.

He sat me down and explained to me that he and my mother were not getting along very well, and he was moving out for a while to see if that made it any easier to work out some problems. He had an apartment and he never said where it was. I was devastated. A roaring pain burned in my chest and tears blurred my eyes as I desperately tried to plead with him not to go. His mind was made up but he was crying too. After seeing my dad cry, I wondered how he could go. I was shaking uncontrollably but somehow made it upstairs to my room. I found one of my favorite pictures of us and gave him an arrow head he had bought me in Lake Champlain a long time ago on a family vacation. I loved that thing, but I wanted him to have it to remember me by. I felt I'd never see him again.

I came downstairs and saw him placing three envelopes on the buffet and he turned to go. I called to him and he spun on his heel and I handed him the arrowhead and the picture of he and I when I was only 4 years old. I told him he didn't have to do this, but he assured me mom already knew about it and there wasn't anyhting more to discuss. He walked away and I was literally choking myself cause I was crying so hard. I watched him leave in his truck and I sat on the couch for a few hours sobbing with great force. It HURT. How was I supposed to tell my mother and little borther up at camp waiting for dad to spend the weekend with them that he had just walked out on us? How? I couldn't. I waited till my brother, Tom, called me and I told him the bad news. He told my mom and she locked herself in the camper for hours crying and they came home the next morning. It was news to everyone, she had no idea. I was forced to tell her he left us, just like her father left her 40 years ago. It killed me.

My dad used to be one of my best friends, and he had left something like a "Dear John" letter telling me that I was old enough now, I didn't need him so much anymore. It felt like it was all my fault. Was it? Was my staying out 2 extra hours with a friend ripping my family apart?

Needless to say, I never called Matt. My happiness slipped away and it took 4 years to find it again. I felt like a completely different girl than I was the night before. I was afraid he wouldn't like me this way. I felt so helpless and insecure. I spent hours staring at the phone in tears cause I could feel my heart turning cold and I wanted to desperately call Matt and see if maybe he could bring me out of this, but I didn't want to burden him with my pain. I waited a day and ended up emailing him a little note explaining that my dad left us that day and I'm sorry I never called. The next time I saw him everything felt different. I was too cold to love anyone. I think he could feel the change, though we never talked about it. We remained friends, but nothing ever came of this.

That afternoon with him was amazing and will always stay special to me, because everyday I try to feel that trusting and carefree like I did with him then. Everyday, I get closer.

Deadally · 11-22-2004, 09:38 PM

Firstly, I expose your travesty of utmost proportions!

"the picture of he and I"

should be him and me because you use objective case when you have objects of pronouns (among other things)

That said, this story could definitely use revising, but it was a lot more approachable and caring than your other. Reading it made me burn iwth love inside with memory, and I even feel slightly inspired. This even with the story being marred by style issues that I cannot begin to help you with (it's a matter of experience, really)...and this story was a little too conversational to make it a very literary work, but that's not what litereature is all about...

Sometimes you go with the crowd-pleaser more than the super-prosaic-revolutionary-or-original

This was a crowd pleaser, not to say it wasn't original, and I was pleased. That's all that needs said. If you became an author and honed your craft to the point of publishing, what little technical and stylistic flaws you'd have at that point would be picked off by an editor, so don't worry abut having us proof this sucker

Dairy Pharmer · 11-22-2004, 09:46 PM

Thanks for your words. I've been trying to get this out on paper, so to speak, for years. It's hard to get THAT deep but not OVERLY deep into feelings that you barely remember anymore, for the sake of making anyone understand who you were. I plan to work on this some more, and thanks for calling me on my "cases" cause as much as I love to write, I am afterall a lowly bio major, and only got an A minus in English.

Thanks for reading and glad you liked it better.

Deadally · 11-23-2004, 12:45 PM

lol, Bio sucks...I'm a chem major

mammamaia · 11-23-2004, 01:21 PM

dear cow-girl...

it's a very touching story and must've been a hard one to put down on paper/screen... i mentor all kinds of writers and will be happy to give you a hand in polishing this... it does need significant work to be as good as it deserves to be...

let me know if you want one-on-one help to do it, ok?...

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

Dairy Pharmer · 11-23-2004, 04:13 PM

DeadAlly, it figures! hehe. Mammamaia, It sounds tempting, but honestly right now I have been working on many other things besides writing in my life, perhaps in the future, SOON, I will work on this one some more. Thank you very much for the offer. I appreciate it.