zaoshang

It looks like a promising text to me.

I'd say there are two distinct parts: one before, the other one after the moment Can I have your autograph?

The first part runs quite nicely and tension rises gradually (who's in the Mercedes? what do they want? are they going to get violent?). The woman is both vulnerable and incapable of realizing the danger -- I think the effect was great.

In the second part, the intensity of the conflict drops (aw, so he just wanted an autograph). Of course, there's a new conflict now (what fame is this guy talking about? what world is he coming from?). But readers expect this conflict to be solved, or they feel cheated. And what you solve is only the first part's conflict (so James' fear was legitimate)!

I think the information you provided is a puzzle with more than half of the pieces missing. The story can be interpreted in many ways. Maybe the driver is James' son (as Muffin Man says). But why didn't he just ask for an autograph in the first place? Was all that fuss needed? Or: maybe James is supposed to become famous one day, and now he's being chased by his fans landed from the future. Or maybe his son is supposed to. There is a hint in that direction:

Anyway, it's obvious you know "the right answer," and perhaps you should bring more pieces of this puzzle into light.

And a last comment. At times, the plot advances a bit slow. James seems overly concerned, his wife goes on with her placid attitude, and nothing happens. I feel that many passages and scenes could be simply cut off.

All in all, I enjoyed it.

seth

I definitely agree with you zao, I think the biggest thing with these stories is that I try to write them as quickly as I can. I wrote this one in three hours and then spent five days transcribing it into my computer. The story I just posted has the same problem. I spent five hours straight writing over three thousand words and my brain is wiped out, but I still want to write and I'm pissed that I can't. And that's what usually happens. I want to write so badly that the quality of what I write suffers and the story suffers as a result.

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zaoshang

I got it. I'd say you shouldn't see it as a problem, but rather a blessing -- a writer's block is a much worse disease. Some say, and as far as I'm concerned I agree, that it's better to write the first draft of a story without paying much attention to quality, and to let yourself carried away by your imagination and enthusiasm. Then put the text in a drawer and let it macerate for two or three weeks. When you take it back, rework it and be as critical as possible with it.

seth

Mr. King?

The hardest part is letting it macerate. I'd love to be able to write something and have it just come out. That'd be great.

And I hate editing .

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bwserking

lol, editing can be tedious indeed
However, if you feel that there is something missing in your story(s) (and by you I mean YOU), then go back to what inspired you to write the piece in the first place - was it a feeling of lonliness? solitude? happiness? desperation? someone writing in their own interest should do everything in their power to write their piece in such a way that, when they go back to read the whole thing, he or she can say "Oh yes. That's the feeling. That is EXACTLY what I was feeling." And nothing else should matter. Unless you write simply to make some change. Make sure YOU are satisifed with your work before you worry about anything else.
BTW, what did inspire you to write this? I know you mention watching the incredibles above, but I'm not sure how the incredibles and this story tie in together (havent seen the movie myself)

seth

Very true what you said, all of it.

The thing that inspired me to write the story happened four or five days before I saw the movie; the movie was just the impetus to write, the thing that gave me energy.

What happened was, I have an obsessed friend and he let my girlfriend borrow afew things for a school thing, and he thought I had them. So, about a week and a half ago, I found myself driving down one of the partially used roads in my hometown with this idiot behind me flashing the crap out of his lights. And he was in his mom's car, so I didn't know it was him. And that led to the story I've got somehow.

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zaoshang

Oh, I'd love that too! If you hear of a drug which does the miracle, let me know.

To do a good editing, one must develop some sort of Split Personality Disorder. You imagine that the text you're editing was written by your worst enemy.