frantic_scribbler

Laurie stood in the library looking at the books in the OCCULT section. She scanned the different titles that were shelved in front of her. Her brown eyes flitted from book to book for several minutes. Finally, after several minutes she pulled a few books from the shelf and headed to the front desk.

The librarian at the desk looked at Laurie, her black clothing, black hair, black lipstick, and black fingernail polish. The older woman rolled her eyes and scanned the books into the computer.

“May I see your library card, please?” asked the woman.

Laurie nodded her head, pulled her wallet out of her back pocket, and took out her library card. The librarian looked at it and then started punching numbers into the computer. After a few minutes she handed the books and the card back to Laurie.

“Have a nice day,” she muttered as Laurie headed out of the building.

Laurie got to her car and threw the books in the passenger seat. She started her car and drover to her house. Laurie could barely control herself; she looked at the books at her side. The titles “Summoning Spirits” and “Complete Demonology” faced her as she drove.

Laurie had talked to several Wiccans and they told her not to try summoning. She didn’t listen to them, though. How hard could it be to summon something anyway?

Once she got home, Laurie went to her bedroom in the basement. On the floor of her room was a pentagram with candles on each point. Next to the pentagram was a dagger.

Laurie set the books down and sat at the pentagram. She then had a great thought. It was a genius thought, in fact.

“I’ve seen enough of those movies about demons and spirits,” she thought to herself, “I don’t need to read these stupid books.”

As if to finalize her thought, she threw the books across the room. The young woman then lit the candles and they picked up her dagger. Closing her eyes, she began chanting to herself. As she chanted she took the dagger and began to cut her wrists.

Her blood flowed freely as she continued to chant. As her life force bled from her, Laurie’s voice began to grow faint. After several minutes the dagger dropped from her hand and fell to the floor. She followed soon after as her soul departed.

As the second turned into minutes, Laurie’s blood flowed into the pentagram. In the middle of the symbol, a portal appeared. A spirit pulled itself out of the portal and saw the corpse of the girl.

The spirit went into the body of the dead girl. The long cut down Laurie’s arm healed as her body came back to life. Her head looked around with a new soul behind the now black eyes.

After more than 200 years in the eternal abyss, the spirit was finally free. It was going to enjoy this new body.

Spaztikfingers

Hey Frantic,

Okay, I like your idea in the story. Girl's body being possessed by something evil, awright horror story on the roll. I just think you need to slow it down a bit and also take a look at what you are axing.

First, I think if your intention is to kill of the girl by suicide, develop the scene, mood, or character to prove that the suicide is intentional. I say this because as soon as you say someone is slashing their wrist public knowledge tells you that, yep, they're taking a long walk off a short pier. The only thing with that is you seem to be making the girl want to create something. She wants to play around with something taboo to see what happens but then kills herself in the process.

Slow down.

Here is a good oportunity to create the major conflict in your story. Bad ass girl plays around doing something stupid only to unleash hell on earth. It's her fault, she better fix it.

I'm not saying you have to go this route but step back a bit and take a look at the pace things flow at in your story. You want her to kill herself in the process. Sure, okay...just make it plausible. We want to believe it. Demon on earth, sure, just don't make it child's play. If you can suck us into the process we will follow you through the whole carnage.

Hope this helps and looking forward to more!

__________________
...ideas only cease when the fear of acknowledging them grows to strong
...oh, and when I miss dinner

frantic_scribbler

Thanks for the tips. You are a bit better at giving it then some other members. I will work on this one. However, do me a favor and read "Metamorphosis Motel" and tell me what you think of that, please.
Again, thanks for the tips.