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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 11-02-2004, 01:25 AM   #1
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Pman
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Fifth Street

Every Saturday night there is a poker game in the basement of John Manor. They play Texas Hold’em no limit, tournament style. With a two hundred dollar buy in, normally the winner gets a thousand dollars. Tonight several of the guys brought some friends who were willing to put up their money to get a hold of the pot that was set at sixteen hundred dollars. As they came in, John started to count out the chips. After a few hellos, the game started.
The game plays as a seven card stud game, but each player is dealt out two cards face down, a round of betting, then the flop, three community cards face up, round of betting, then fourth street, one more face up, one more round of betting, then fifth street, last card face up, and one more final round of betting. It seems simple but there is no other game that a fortune can change hands so fast.
The game went on for a few hours before the first person had to leave the table. A smoke filled room, with one light on a green felt table is no place for a broke man. Conversation is limited at the table. Everybody said something about the last hand. Nobody said anything about what they had. A room filled with poker players is a room filled with liars.
One by one people fell to the cards and handed their chips to someone else. By about six hours of playing the eight who sat at the table has now become two. John Manor, and Frank Hellum. Frank was a friend of a friend, John only played with Frank for the last six hours. Frank was a kind of person who liked to bully the pot. He went all in on several pots just to get a small bet from some ones stack. Frank was not the person to make the first move. He was a check-raiser. This was one thing that John knew about Frank. He wanted to exploit this on a good hand. John knew that he had to be careful. The wrong hand would lose him sixteen hundred dollars.
By the time that the game got serious, John had a couple hundred dollars on Frank. He wanted to use this to get Frank to bite on the wrong hand. After the cards were dealt, John held a ten and an eight of spades. He put out forty in trying to see if Frank will raise him. He did not. When the flop came out, John flopped a nut straight. Eight, nine, ten, Jack, Queen. John knew that he had the upper hand. John needed Frank to bet. He checked to Frank. Frank also checked. John thought Frank could not be holding a high pair because he did not bet. On fourth street a Queen flipped over. John checked to Frank. Frank then put another forty into the pot. Frank paused on making a move for the pot. Frank counted out his call. Then he stacked up a raise of a hundred dollars. John held his bet to see if Frank would give a tell to him. Frank was a stone across from him. John thought about it and then pushed the raise of a hundred dollars into the middle. Frank then called all in.
Frank was a check-raiser. He did not check raise John. Frank bet after the check. Frank went all in and then he sat cool in his chair. Fourth street held a possible set. It held higher a straight, full house, or four of a kind. The only hand that John could beat was that set of queens. John folded after a long debate with himself. Frank looked at John and asked, “You have anything good?”
“Set of queens”
“Wow, tough hand to fold”
After a few hands were folded away, John got dealt pocket pretty ladies. John being on the button, bet twenty on his ladies. Frank called him quick. The flop came out, Jack, duce, and one more Queen. John knew he had to sit on that set of queens. This hand he was not going to fold to Frank’s all in. Frank asked how much John had in chips. John had about twenty over Frank. John would have had the upper hand if he did not dump to Frank on the last big hand.
Frank looked at his chips and checked to John. John thought Frank was trying to set a trap for him. John reached for one hundred. He put it into the pot and Frank went all in. John was sitting on a set of queens. They also happen to be the best pair on the table. If Frank paired the queens, then John had the set. If Frank doubled up on pairs, then John still had the set to beat him. If Frank had the possible straight then all Frank needed was a pair on the board. John called the all in bet of seven hundred eighty dollars and showed his set of Queens. Frank flipped pocked aces.
John had the upper hand on Frank. That was before fourth street. The only card in the deck that has the right to bear the brand name of the cards is also the only card in the deck that could steal sixteen hundred dollars from John. The ace of spades flipped on fourth street. Frank stood up and cheered for his new fortune. With that third ace, Frank completed the set to beat John. With one card, sixteen hundred dollars went from John to Frank.
On fifth street, there is forty one different cards that could come up. Most of the time fifth street is just the slam of the door on the pot going to someone else. But every once in a while that one special card comes up that gives you the ultimate hand. On fifth street, Frank and John got to see a pretty lady dressed up in her finest jewels.
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Old 11-02-2004, 02:29 PM   #2
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Jack Allen
You have a decent start for a story. A couple of times you have used very good lines, such as: "A room filled with poker players is a room filled with liars."

However, there are a few things you need to pay attention to. When you set your story for past tense or present tense, you have to make sure it stays that was. Flipping back and forth can be confusing, and when you make the reading too difficult, your reader will bail before they make the effort to finish the story.

The same is true with point-of-view. In a longer story you might have the option to change point-of-view from one character to another. For a shorter story, though, it might be best to stick to telling the story from one person's point-of-view.

Also, be patient with your story telling and give us some details. For example: "Everybody said something about the last hand. Nobody said anything about what they had." Instead of just telling us about what they said, show us what they said, give us a taste of their dialogue to add texture to your story.

This is a pretty good start. Keep up the good work.
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