Crazy short story post - Writers Forum

Jp · 10-27-2004, 05:45 PM

Post your wackiest short stories. ------------------------------------------------

You can post any length but 500-1000 word would be best.-------------------

I am writing my post right now be prepared for a trip.------------------------

mammamaia · 10-28-2004, 12:08 PM

just for fun:

Wacky Willie went west, when work was wanting. Meeting Mad Millie meant moving must make marriage meaningful. They then turned tail, taking to their tarsi, travelling townward through the tules. Wacky Willie's woebegon, workless, wedless.

BlackHoleEnvy · 10-28-2004, 02:11 PM

Bad language. Madness. What?

Redemption bakes under a body-sized mask of clay. I left the instructions in a derelict bungalow, closer to the sun. But they were written in Aramaic, anyway. Who speaks Aramaic anymore?

I stumbled quite literally over the first mask while combing the beach for a not-so-derelict bungalow. The mask hadn't finished baking. The body underneath was still flesh, and belonged to a woman. Her nakedness was as obvious as it was irrelevant. All things burn just as brightly under such a vindictive sun.

The woman bid me to dig my dry hands into the moist bed of clay and make for myself a mask with giddy smears of abandon. "Everybody's doing it," she said.

"I'm already a mask," I answered. But I sat down next to her in the bed of moist clay and listened to her benediction crystalize--like the imminent Stygian sizzle. I don't think she beleived me.

We spent weeks in the bed, on the cusp of that bleached white island. We said nothing, learning more than we wanted to know from smell of poached flesh alone. Not mine, but hers: my flesh was poached years ago, in a land-locked nightmare of blue and black, and the poachers are still at large.

"I was raped," she told me.

"You're all done baking," I said, chipping at the mask with a wayward nail. "Who cares?"

It was true--she could not argue. She was gone, immortalized in a hollow shell of clay, haunted only by the voice the evaporating flesh had left behind.

"The sun no longer hurts," she told me as I broke open the shell with a fist.

There was no one inside.

Her voice escaped and rushed by my face.

"This is the last time I fuck a ghost on a sexy island," I murmured, noticing some of the clay was sticking to my heathen skin. I got up and went for a swim.

gohn67 · 10-28-2004, 11:30 PM

i just made stuff up really quickly. It was fun though, becuase I just wrote without thinking about.

I pissed off this dog behind a white fence. I threw cheetos in its face. Speckles of orange cheeto dust clinged to his rough fur. Strapped by the collar to a metal pole behind a white fence, this dog could do nothing to me. So I threw more cheetos in its face and laughed at it as it tried to bark at me, but all that came out was a small yelp. Not very ferocious either, though it looks tough, especially the teeth. The teeth were scary to me. But how can a dog that barks like a girl dog, had three legs was strapped to a metal pole by the collar and behind a white fence scare me. So I threw more cheetos at it, enraging the beast even more. It broke out of its collar and started barking. The barking was no longer a yelp, but a loud howl and it hobbled toward me with its three legs with much skill, thowing its two front feet ahead and then its back. But still it was behind the white fence. Unless the dog could jump five feet off the ground with its three legs I had nothing to worry about. I grabbed into my bag of cheetos a handful of the cheesy corn puffs and threw them at its face. The dogs face was nearly orange from the cheeto dust. Shaking its cheeto dust covered face it trots off with its three legs as if it were four. Bored now that the dog was gone I started on my way looking for more dogs. I got this feeling something behind me. I turned and its the dog on the street. It had trotted around the open end of the white fence. Still it had three legs but I had my two, I could out run it. And that I did.

Rob · 10-29-2004, 03:05 AM

I posted mine here, but took it out and posted it stand-alone in the short stories forum. You can read it here:

http://www.writingforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=8786

Cheers,
Omni