OnTheFireEscape

I sit alone and eat a cantaloupe. Bob Dylan plays while I consume the entire melon. And yes, the song you’re thinking of happened to be playing, but I was not following the sage advice. I have, in fact, never followed Dylan’s example. I’ve never smoked. Marijuana, that is. Cigarettes - well, I gave that up. Kicked the habit at nine. My house is a mess. I live alone. Can you tell? You’d think I want to be a cop - crime drama consumes my existence. Murder, She Wrote at age four had me hooked. Watched it every Wednesday night after Wings until Jessica Fletcher moved to New York and bought a computer. Traitor. Not that I was a stalwart defendant of the typewriter. Loved the theory, lacked the dedication. I also found myself prone to process of deletion, and typewriters are exceedingly unforgiving. I need a lot of forgiveness. Forgive me, father. I’m Catholic, you know. So that should work. Unless my time has expired. I did that first communion thing, and damn I had a pretty dress. There’s pictures of me in my backyard, when I still had a yard and when I still blonde and when I still was happy and when people still took pictures. Anyways, someone used a soft focus, usually only reserved for the aging who prefer to deny the existence of wrinkles, and captured me against a rhododendron with the loveliest little halo. High school physics class would disprove its heavenly origin, merely the light refracting off the lens, an anomaly created by my second grade inability to remain still for the click of a camera. But that’s not my point. The point is, I did the Catholic thing. Hell, I’m even a Catholic school girl, but the closest thing I own for knee socks are of the muddy, soccer variety. There are corresponding bruises upon shins and knees. My legs are ugly. I say this not to illicit compliments in a falsely humble, self-conscious teenage manner. I say it truthfully. Damn those suckers are ugly. Painted a wall last week. You can tell. White and blue patches on my knees. Then there are the permanent cleat marks upon my foot from the red headed ogre whose arrogance began my first crush. Not on him, of course. But on my team mate (co-ed soccer, you see) who sought revenge for the ogre’s offenses and socked him in the face with the ball. Not that he did it on purpose, couldn’t have if he’d been trying, but the accidental gesture proved endearing. Not that that went anywhere. Ever. I mean, it went. Or - we went. To my school’s semi-formal. But that was the end of that.

Stream of consciouness style...dunno...more rambling style if you ask me. Thoughts? Potential? Or...what did I just read?!

Chris

I really liked this. I thought it was well written, ramblish but still controlled. There is a strong, clear voice and you give a good sense of who this person is. I'm a big fan of this style. I thought you did a nice job and I hope you continue with this story.

Good luck with your writing.

- Chris

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"...Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
Fool! said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. - Sir Philip Sidney

Czerez

Well it definatly came across as ramblings. BUT! i never got lost once. Considering there were no paragraph break, thats a feat.
So the flow was good. It was like someone was trying to think this out in their head.
A few minor grammer issues. Just one a noticed...can't find it now of course.
As for potential, maybe as a short story, i dont see a novel in this. That could be me though. maybe.

Good work, keep it up.

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Rules?
Wrong screw...take a shot, board the wrong way...take a shot, put the wheels on the wrong way...take a shot. swear...take a shot.
oh yeah...lets get wasted and build!

BlackHoleEnvy

Well written. But there isn't much of a story here. I wouldn't see a point to expanding it. It reads like a writer burning off some excess energy.

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gohn67

I like that other piece u wrote better.

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DawnMorningStar

I enjoyed this. It had a nice, easy flow, and your character is believable and easily related to. I think the rambling style fits this particular piece very well.

Rob

I thought it was dull and forgettable, I'm afraid. Didn't hold my interest for long before I wanted to start skimming, and never rose from that before the end. Not much wong with the way you've written it, but it did nothing to interest or entertain me. Sorry.

Good luck,
Omni