ANOTHUH JEW FROM MALIBU - Writers Forum

Lilia · 09-17-2004, 05:24 PM

ANOTHUH JEW FROM MALIBU

This be a TRUE STORY...

Yo noed I use
to be havin all those thins...
A big old crib--20 rooms--that's right!
I had me some FINE thins---
a swimmin pool, a hot tub, a big ole sauna
yo should uh seen my bathroom
(it called de mastuh bath)...
my tub alone could hold bout 6 folk in it easy!
I had me some nice rides too..
an' my clothes dey wuz all 'LABEL' designuh!
I wuz BLINGING!!!
But, my baby daddy, my Boo,
he be disrespectin me bad!
He evun try to hit me upside de head!
He also be messin roun' witdem Hollywood Ho's...
My Boo be trippin wit my head!
One day I goes to my Tibetan Lama,
an' he says to me dat all dat stuff
wuzn't makin me happy,
he also say, dat stuff ain't be real anyway!
He say it all 'ILLUSION'...
it all just be 'STUFF'...
But I wuz scared to leave,
cause my Boo, says he's gonna kill me
if I trys to leave him...
so I hads to make me some hardco choices...
yo noed what I'z sayin?
So, I does a lot uh med-i-tate-in an' all,
Den I gets to thinkin dat I bes be gettin outta dere!
So, now I be getstin dis new crib,
(a smalluh crib)
in anothuh 'Hood'...
This Hood's so far from Malibu
there ain't evun no othuh Jews here,
none likes me anyway,
I gets me some new homies too,
dey mighty fine! they my dawgs!
I ain't gets no stuff no mo,
an' my flow
{ that mean money fool! }
it be really LOW
but my life be 'De Shiznit' now...
noed what I'z sayin?
Yo bes be knowin I ain't clownin!
I ain't frontin!
Sheeit!

copyright 2002

*Malibu's Most Wanted--the movie comedy inspired me to write this true story of the events surrounding my divorce from my 3rd husband---the slang ghetto style made me laugh at what was really a very serious situation...now made a little lighter.

DieBaronVonHobskewward · 09-17-2004, 05:41 PM

Ida bust a cap in his bitch ass!

teflon · 09-19-2004, 06:58 AM

Yea, this is excellent.

It's worth developing into a style or a topic, like, Adventures of a Jew

DieBaronVonHobskewward · 12-21-2004, 01:40 PM

She be gottin a new boo too! Datz right!

teflon · 12-22-2004, 12:02 PM

Dat's mah-fah scallous!

LiberalDem · 12-23-2004, 03:54 PM

I, for one, thought this was very insulting. I can respect that you were trying to make light of a situation that was, for obvious reasons, very painful to you. However, the whole piece called to mind the white actors who used to get in "black face" a la Amos N Andy. I thought it was terrible. Sorry.

Pandora · 12-24-2004, 09:22 AM

I think that "Liberal Dem" needs to get a sense of humor and lighten up, unless he wants to condemn Jamie Kennedy of doing black face comedy as well? You don't know anything about this poem or this person, or even if this person is a white Jew or Black Jew--yeah, that's right, there are Black Jews. And I doubt anybody in L.A. black or white would take offense to this poem. There is nothing worse than a writer that takes himself too seriously, but there are plenty of writers who lack any imagination or insight. Give me a break already! Anybody who takes offense to this never watches any comedy movies or MAD TV or Saturaday Night Live, or Second City, or the SouthPark, or The Chappelle Show, etc.---I'm Jewish btw, and I listen to jokes about Jews all the time and I don't get my panties all in a bunch, cause I have this thing called a sense of humor! Laugh a little, you might just enjoy it!

BTW,

Thank you Teflon & DieBaronVonHobskewward. Teflon, I will take up your suggestion someday, but for now I am just too busy to deal with any more new projects. Great idea though!

LiberalDem · 12-24-2004, 01:39 PM

Quote:

You don't know anything about this poem or this person, or even if this person is a white Jew or Black Jew--yeah, that's right, there are Black Jews.

Well thanks for setting me straight there, Pandora. Gosh, I had no idea that some of those black folks I see on my t.v. set actually practice the jewish religion.

Where on Earth would I be without you?

And, by the way, I don't have to know this person to know that I didn't like the poem. And I think I know the content of the poem pretty well, though it was hard to read through all the mis-spelling. (And before you look down benevolently at me to point out the obvious, I know it was intentional...though using "yo" for "you" and "noed" for "know" just eludes me)

Quote:

And I doubt anybody in L.A. black or white would take offense to this poem

Wrong

Quote:

There is nothing worse than a writer that takes himself too seriously, but there are plenty of writers who lack any imagination or insight. Give me a break already![

Oh, no, there are worse things, but just for the sake of argument, where is the imagination or insight in this piece? And why don't you give me a break?

Quote:

Anybody who takes offense to this never watches any comedy movies or MAD TV or Saturaday Night Live, or Second City, or the SouthPark, or The Chappelle Show, etc

Well, I must be blowing your world all apart because I do, in fact, watch these shows. And some of the skits offend me. And I sit in my house and say "Gee that was offensive/insulting". This is a critique board, and I posted what I thought about the poem. Deal. With. It.

Quote:

I'm Jewish btw, and I listen to jokes about Jews all the time and I don't get my panties all in a bunch, cause I have this thing called a sense of humor! Laugh a little, you might just enjoy it!

Good for you. But, see above. And I do laugh, at things that are, you know, funny.

In closing, while I'm not trying to start/participate in a flame war, I just think you need to get over yourself. I didn't think it was funny, imaginative or insightful.

DieBaronVonHobskewward · 12-28-2004, 08:49 AM

Hey, LiberAlDem-

For yo' info this shit is right out of the urban slang dictionary of how to spell it like it sounds! Get a sense a humor & relax dude!

Eiji Tunsinagi · 12-28-2004, 11:07 AM

ehh.....I didn't like it. Not because of the content or anything, I just found it a bit challenging to read and kind of meandering and stuff. Also, if you're going to use the slang -- be consistent with it on any terms that it can be applied to. I guess, if you revised it a little, it would be good.

LiberalDem · 12-28-2004, 12:14 PM

Quote:

For yo' info this shit is right out of the urban slang dictionary of how to spell it like it sounds!

Yeah, and it was probably written by a white guy in Minnesota, or something. And anybody who had to buy an urban dictionary...well, that just seems sad to me.

Quote:

Get a sense a humor & relax dude!

You know what I like about this whole thread? I like how just because I didn't find the humor in the piece, suddenly I don't have a sense of one. I thought the issue had died, so hopefully I'll end it now by saying this: It was not my cup of tea. I didn't like it. I'm sure the author has other works out there that would appeal to me more, but this one just didn't do it for me. Now please, let's move on.

P.S. The term "yo'" is indeed a form of "you" but used in this manner: "Yo'! Did you see that?", or "Did you see that, yo'?" Oh, and even the way *you* used it is correct, a short form of your. The proper form of "you" is still used in sentences like: "You know what I did?" Got it? Good. The reason I was so insulted by this piece in the first place was because it was an exaggeration of language. Instead of consulting a book, ask someone who uses the language. I'm sure any twenty-something, or younger, is proficient enough to correct the glaring mistakes. But if the author is fine with their work, then, it's all good. Write what makes you happy, but don't expect everyone to like it, and don't attack those who don't. Whew, ok, I'm really done now.

DieBaronVonHobskewward · 12-28-2004, 03:52 PM

LiberalDem--
She wasn't expecting everyone to like it dude! Get off it already...and nobody "attacked" you...sensitive are we?

swing_it_away · 12-28-2004, 08:30 PM

I had to go back and reread it before I figured what it was about (but I'm as anti-ghetto/slang/whatever as they come, so you probably shouldn't read anything into that). Aside from that, I thought it was fairly entertaining.

If you felt like making corrections or editing, I wouldn't suggest 'white boy-ing' it up, but maybe adding some repetition or something for the sake of clarity.