Black Rose Immortal

The echo of a distant bang drums against my ears- I awake. My eyes open to my dim, gloomy room. ‘Not again’ I mutter to myself for it was the fourth or perhaps the fifth time the lights went out and roused me up. Slumber still heavy on me, I feel my way out of the heavily crammed bed room and into the drawing room. There are no curtains covering the skylight here, timid rays of light therefore illuminate the room, but just merely enough for me to make out the silhouette of the furniture.
Out on the balcony, I hear gentle rustling of the leaves, somehow they make me want to stay here. Maybe the noise creates a feeling of not being alone, or maybe its just the refreshing wind that makes me want to stay, and so I do. For a while I stare ahead blankly not really comprehending what I see, than almost mechanically I look up at the sky. Its amazing how sometimes being alone makes you want to look at the sky, I’m not sure if I’m right but perhaps looking at the vast dark makes us all feel like the sky and ourselves have something in common. Cyclical like day and night, our lives undergo the same course. There’s light and then dark, and then light again and than again the same murky darkness. The sky incites a feeling inside me, im not quite sure what it is, a mixture of loneliness and melancholy I suppose, but I continue to stare at it nonetheless. For some odd reason the aggravation of this feeling gives me a strange satisfaction, as if I was sharing something painful with a close friend. It was like the sky was sympathizing with me, and sometimes sympathy provides satisfaction but it also enhances the ache. I continue to wander away in my thoughts when the sight of something strange pulls me out of the haze.
Amid the darkness from behind the balcony door I see a shadow emerge. I move a few steps further- I feel the shadow back away some steps. I can’t make out who it is, I’m not even concerned how whoever it was got there. In the middle of the night, who could it be? I’m too curious. I move a few steps ahead towards it, it backs away still. I want to reach out and grab him. ‘Him’ I had no idea what made me think that it was a him, but somehow my subconscious assigned a male to be the owner of that shadow. ‘No don’t go’ I whisper out, He seemed to have listened because he has stopped backing away. As a result of a wild urge I just grasp his hand. He tries to part away but after a while I feel his fingers closing around mine. All of a sudden I’m overcome with emotion like I’ve never before; I feel love for this stranger. I want him to stay, I want to embrace him, I want to rid myself of loneliness. I try to gently pull him closer but he resists, for a few seconds there is no movement made by either of us, and then he lets go of my hand. In the darkness I couldn’t see his face, but I don’t know how, I could actually feel tears in his eyes, just like there were in mine. After a moment of stagnancy the shadow back away and gradually becomes part of the darkness.
I don’t get time to review the whole experience for before I can the lights flickered back on, temporarily blinding me. When I regained full vision I found myself in my room. I sat up looking wildly around as if trying to find the stranger hidden in somewhere. He wasn’t- Of course. I smiled at my silly self and scrambling out of bed, hurried outside to gaze towards the heavens where the sun was just awakening from its slumber and the first rays of light washed over my face.

__________________
In this forest
Where wolves cry their agony unto the moon
My spirit is hidden
In the form of wisdom
carved on a black stone
The only way to follow
Open your soul
Redeem, I am immortal

petrel}

Interesting and I liked it; it reminded me of a dream I once had(that I liked, let me assure you).

I would say that you could improve this piece by becoming more involved emotionally with it or, actually, using more words that evoke emotion--there's a cold, clinical feeling to some of the lines even though they tell what you want the reader to know. For example,
'time to review the whole situation' just has a distant, detatched sound.

Also what out for tense changes: the same example should read -- 'I don't get time to review the situation for before I can, the lights flicker back on...'

Other than those things, I really enjoy your style of writing. I think maybe it reminds me a little of my own.

__________________
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money

Black Rose Immortal

hey thnx pal..those were some really constructive pieces of advise....and perhaps ur write about being more carefull at chosing my words...
ill keep ur point in mind while writing my next piece...thanks alot

__________________
In this forest
Where wolves cry their agony unto the moon
My spirit is hidden
In the form of wisdom
carved on a black stone
The only way to follow
Open your soul
Redeem, I am immortal

petrel}

you are very welcome. I love your name and avatar--very mysterious.

__________________
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money