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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 08-30-2004, 07:46 PM   #1
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Reeper
The Cold Blooded

The Cold Blooded


Alot of people think I'm crazy, they have said it all my life. But I tell you they are after me! Ever since I was a child these monsters have hunted me, yet no one bielives me. Now look at me, holed up in a shabby little motel room with cops just outside my door. The end is near but I sure as hell won't give up without a fight! How could they think I was responsible for killing that young woman, that demon lizard made me do it. Now the police have me cornered, their fists pound on the door. There has to be a way out of here: yes the window-perfect. But just before I make it to the window I trip and fall. I look up and see one of the scaly devils staring me right in the face, its forked tongue shooting out like a pointing finger of acusation and it whispers "there's no escape". The police burst in and handcuff me. I shout "You idiots, you deaf fools! Can't you see it was that monster and all its evil kind! I didn't mean to kill her, they made me do it!" But they just snicker under their breath and simply shue the iguana away. I sat in that court for two long weeks waiting for the verdict when the gavil finally struck the wood and those words of "We find the defendant giulty of first degree murder". My defense was not giulty by reason of insanity- but they weren;t buying it. Niether was I, I am not insane! I hear them, I see them; all I did was try to defend myself against those monsters. Now I am bieng escorted down a long dark corridor to my cell. Afterwards I am taken to see the prison psychiatrist for mental evaluation. He shows me the traditional ink blots and the like. I am tired of this, tired of bieng treated like a deranged incompetent. I slam my fists on the desk and yell " Why do you think I'm crazy! It was all their fault! Why can't you see that!" The psychiatrist calmly looks at me and gently asks me to sit down and explain my story. I will tell you just as I told him. Ever since I was a small child I have been plauged by reptiles! Any and all kinds: snakes, alligators, lizards, iguanas, salamanders- all of them. Many have told me that the moment of my birth a small lizard dropped on my infant face and scratched me. When I was about three years old a rattle snake crawled up my bed and bit me. When I was nine a small alligator was on display at a school function. They told us it was alright to pet the supposed docile creature, but when I got up to it, it lunged at me. Nearly took my nose off. When I was a teenager I was poisoned by a venomous slamander. Finally that fateful night came around. I had known the young woman only a short time. We had met in the park. She was sweet and pretty, just the kind of person I wanted. We had spoken a few times and had dinner one night. She invited me back to her apartment. When we got there we sat on the couch and started to talk. When I heard those nightmarish whispers that I had been hearing all my life. I frantically looked around for the source and spotted the small glass case on the other side of the room. The monster taunted and mocked me, I grew hysterical. The young woman acted shocked at my behaviour, but I saw right through her rouse. She brought me there so that the creatures could get me. She wasn't fooling me. The lizard continued its verbal assualt trying to get out of its cage. I grabbed a chair and hurled it at the case. The girl lunged at me trying to get me to stop. It was then I knew she was protecting the creature, she was in league with them against me. So I killed her, I didn't want to but they forced me to do it. If I had let her live she would have come after me again for the monsters benefit. But the psychiatrist clearly didn't belive me. He sent me back to my cell. That night I had a horrible dream: I was running through a jungle, from what I don't know. Suddenly I stop under a large tree. Out of nowhere a huge snake drops from the branches and onto me. The snake tightens its grip around my body while a swarm of reptiles slither around me waiting to strike. I wake up in stricken fear. I have to get of here, or they will get me! You understand I have to get out or they will find a way to get me! I see my chance, the gaurd does his nightly checks around this time, I can escape then. Here he comes shining his light into each cell. I hide when he comes to check on mine crouching in the darkness. Suddenly I lunge at the man covering his mouth as to muffle his screams. I grab his keys and crush his throat. Frantically I try each key and finally find the right one. Im free! Now let those scaly monsters try to get me. I dodge a hail of bullets to escape the prison and manage to make it over the fence. With torn and bloody legs I run. The police are in hot pursiut and I must lose them. Running down a street I spot the only place I feel I can hide- the local zoo. I climb the fence and limp into a nearby biulding. I close the door and breathe a sigh of releif, they won't find me in here. I begin to walk around and notice that a variety of enclosures are all empty. Now Im hearing those accursed voices! They won't leave me alone! I smash many glass clases in vain to silence them, but they wont stop! I run frantically through the biulding and stop in a large dark room. The voices have ceased and I look up. All I see is darkness, but then out of nowhere a snake drops onto me. My nightmare is coming true! The legless beast tightens its grip around my neck as I struggle to free myself. Than as in my nightmare they start to swarm in. Hordes of the monsters slither in and creep to my struggling form. As demons that would cease a doomed soul to drag it to hell, these reptiles cease my body and completly consume me. My screams are echoed throughout the darkened "Hall Of Reptiles". Now do you believe me?
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Old 08-30-2004, 09:59 PM   #2
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crazy crazy.

I like your consistancy of imagery. Makes the psychotic aspect easier to fall into. But check your grammar and spelling. Need a little work there. otherwise, I like it!
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Old 08-30-2004, 11:01 PM   #3
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Enter is your friend....Enter is your friend

Seriously, you'd make your typings mroe conducive to reading if you stagger your paragraphs up. I saw several points that could be separated into a new paragraph.

I get the title! Ha!

When I first saw the line "The lizard made me do it" I just about laughed. It was an interesting story, but I have a few grievances

1) It's so reminiscent of "The Tell-Tale Heart" that it's not funny, and even the way your character describes himself ("i'm not crazy!") feels lifted directly from Poe's work.

2) The guilty verdict by the jury felt unbelievable. If you told a court you killed a woman because your lizard told you to (perhaps a flash of innuendo there?!), I don't think it would take long to figure out your sanity

Overall, a decent story, it would have been nice to probe the mind a bit more (for you are obviously shooting for Gothic literature principals, the mind, psychosis should be examined more thoroughly, not just THAT the lizards are talking to him, but WHY he truly thinks they have been after him all his life? It may be interesting for the reader to know)
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