safari invasion

edit: deleted story

thanks for the critiques folks

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"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams."
-Willy Wonka

xeonman

This is fine writing, lots of imagery, and very suspenseful. You have to keep reading to find out what this man is doing there. And when you find out, you can almost feel his pain.

As for whether you "stole" it, it's probably based on something you saw or read. We all have influences on our writing, we don't always know what they are. This is an excellent piece, you show great skill in describing this man's surroundings and his situation. What does that man do now? What would I do, I ask myself. What would I do if I found a man with this same thing happening to him? I hope I never find myself in such a situation, but there is little doubt that this has happened somewhere someplace.

americanwriter

Very interesting. The scene is familiar, having spent time in such frenzied spaces, but I don't recognize the story itself. Well done. Edgy and keeps you reading.

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To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying "Amen" to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive -- Robert Louis Stevenson

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