D_Smalls

No tears go forgotten
Tyler knows this all to well
Tyler knows many things. Why his eyes are blue, why his hair is dirty blonde. He knows why his arm is bleeding right now.

It's a simple depiction of a biology lesson he says. It's an experiment you could say. Or, well, an experiment inside an experiment. See Tyler has this theory that his life is one big fucked up experiment. If you ask him who the scientists are he gets annoyed and that he's speaking metaphorically. Apparently we aren't supposed to take things so seriously.

Tyler believes his life has some how gone wrong. That some one didn't follow the script. I tell him that life is what you make it. Tyler informs me that inventory must have fucked up and gave him the wrong materials then. He's a clever boy. He notices things most don't, maybe that's why he's so strange. He always tells me his opinions and observations. The way he talks you'd almost think he understands the world. Of course he'll never agree though. Rightfully so, seeing as I don't think he has a god damn clue.

Tyler has an obsession with life, not particularly living it though. You see, Tyler believes you can only truly appreciate life if you are surrounded by death. Tyler doesn't like vegans. He believes you cannot enjoy life unless you know what its like to not have it. Now, biologically speaking, this theory is nearly impossible to achieve, but Tyler still tries.

People ask Tyler what happened to his arms, he tells them he had a run in with life.

Tyler believes the whole thing is misunderstood. No one really wants to die, they just want to feel alive. I have yet to find out how a nine millimetre to the temple is comforting, but I don't exactly plan on trying it out to understand.

Tyler hates T.V. but he never turns it off. He watches extreme athletes risking their lives. He doesn't see some billboard of a man showing skill though. What he sees is a desperate person trying to find life while at the same time conveniently being paid.

Tyler is envious at funerals. He sits in those uncomfortable crappy chairs wondering what the person inside that coffin thought or is thinking. Life is over for them. They now know just how special it was. Tyler sits there thinking what it must be like.

Tyler reads the paper to hear stories of murder or youth deaths. He looks for the pictures of the families. Behind the blackened faces, below the crocodile tears is an understanding and an epiphany waiting to burst through the seems. They'll never notice it he says. They'll get all depressed and just sit there. Mourning the dead while they waste a perfectly good life. He says if he was the one that died, he would fight the mourners. Smack some sense into them he says.

Tyler believes people have it all wrong. They spend so much damn time thinking about death, that they forget about life. Mind you this is odd because many times I've heard Tyler say that no one is truly alive if they have never thought of death. I think he has a good point though.

Tyler used to write his own eulogies. Which is also odd because he told me he never wants a funeral. He would write about all the bad things he had done. Everyone's always gloried in death he says and that everyone's a monster in life. They could be the gossip of the family, but once they die they're a saint.

Tyler wants his tombstone to say 'drunken fuck, found his life at the bottom of a 40oz bottle.' Which is comical because he wants to his ashes stored in a 40 of Jack Daniels. I asked him where the bottle should be kept. He said just throw it away, just my fucking ashes, if I did need my body in the after life then I'm already fucked. So no point letting it collect dust on the mantle.

On the topic, one day I asked Tyler if he'd donate his organs. I was expecting a typical off the wall Tyler response, but he just sat there pondering for a minute. Then he told me only to the people that will die either way. Shocked, I asked why. Hope, second chance but with a time line, he said. They let life go by, unappreciated and now face death, but its too late to do anything now. But if my donation can get them up and back at it, then they can live life again. But with the knowledge that it wont last for ever, they'll truly appreciate the time they have left and treat every sun rise as a gift. they'll live life the way it's meant to be lived

Tyler used to sneak out at night and sit in the farmers fields. Completely alone with the stars. He said he felt comfort in the fact that each burnt out star would one day tell the story of our own.

A story Tyler will never hear.

Tyler never found love. Or so he would always tell me. Truth is, Tyler did find love, he just never kept it. He let is slip by him, ignoring the feelings. Tyler always told me to live life with no regrets, but I know there wasn't a night go by that he didn't regret his actions.

I used to think every cut on Tyler's arm was the personification of each 'what-if' muttered. Each drip of blood was an over due tear.

I never got the chance to ask Tyler what he thought of suicide. Maybe if I had I wouldn't be writing this. All I can think is that he screamed his last 'what-if' that night.

Tyler once told me that life is only a four letter word. And that life is only a text book definition of a state of energy. He told me that what you do and what you see cannot be summed up in four letters. Tyler told me that life is not a state of being, it's a decision.

D_Smalls

No comments/feedback?

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If you like my writing, check out my site Wasted Youth

-Collidescope-

apparently not.

__________________
They say you can’t be hip,
But I don’t care what they say,
The thing I got’s cold blooded,
And I’m coming from a brand new place,
I’m dealing quick and I don’t miss a lick and I better don’t leave no trace. -James Brown

daniela

I really hate to be blunt, but sometimes the situation calls for it. You have made six posts here so far, and (except for Bea's poem) you have not been commenting on the work of others. Have you ever heard of the phrase "You have to give a little to get a little"?

Before I lapse back into my tactful self, I have to say that I did not like "Tyler". There are several grammar mistakes, and while minor, they were very distracting. In addition, your constant use of the name Tyler annoyed me to no end. This piece was much longer that had to be and would have probably been better as a poem. While you do have some talent, it appeared to me that you put little to no effort and thought into your short story. You can argue with me on that, but I will not change my opinion. If you would like to try to fix "Tyler", I might be willing to give you a proper critique on the rewrite, but only if you put more effort into both your story and your membership here.

I am sorry for being harsh. Usually I am much more polite to people. It makes me so mad when I see people coming to WritingForums.com who just take and give nothing in return. I realize that you joined yesterday, but that is plenty of time to figure out how things work here. You cannot expect us to fawn over your work when A) you have not shown us your best writing and B) you are not commenting on the writing of others (except for one poem). Please go critique the work of some of the other members and than come back and show us how well you can really write.

--DM--

__________________
"When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them—then the rest will be valuable." - Mark Twain

D_Smalls

daniela,

Ive posted two works here. One poem and this. The other posts were in my introduction thread, lounge, and commenting on one other persons work. So I'm sorry but I didn't really think it was that big of a deal. I could see how it would be different if all my other posts were works, but they aren't.

My second post in this thread was not in anyway made in a demanding sense. Interpretation over the internet is always a pain. If you read that thinking I was upset that no one said anything, then you were mistaken. I was merely curious if anyone had anything to say.

It's a shame, everyone here so far has been so nice. It's also a shame you didn't wait until you "lapsed back into my tactful self".

I write pretty much only free verse, but one night I sat down to write and "Tyler" came out in one sitting. My theory on writting is, how it came out is what it was ment to be. I don't edit and change things or take things out, I just check for spelling and if something really doesn't make any sense. In my opinion, Tyler is easy to read and understand, minor gramatical mistakes or not. Im sorry that you don't feel the same. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if this reply was had its own mistakes through out it.

Maybe you are right that it should have been a poem, after all, that is what I almost always write, but while trying to obey the forum sections, I thought that it might belong in here because of the length.

As for the use of the name Tyler, I'm sorry you didn't like my writting style, I purposely used the name that much. As for the length, purely your opinion, I can't argue with that. I wrote it the length it was and kept it that way. Everything that was in it, I wanted there.

Thank you for the offer to properly critique a revised version, but I don't plan on redoing it.

*sigh* I knew posting this would bring about mixed opinions. Perhaps i should have just let it sink and not put the second reply in here. I realize your frustraition though, I moderate a paintball forum and new members there can cause quite a bit of irritation. So, I'm sorry for that, but once again having only posted two works, I'm not sure your tactless post was needed or justified. That is also why I'm not really going to take your feedback too seriously.

Sorry to start off on the wrong foot, but I think you need to be a bit more fair.

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If you like my writing, check out my site Wasted Youth

Sin

Tyler has a way of looking at things, and I agree with some. The prose was good. I enjoyed reading it. I liked the imagery of the "overdue tears" The ending could have been stronger if you had developed a little more. It was abrupt. Instead of saying he fucked up his love life and kill himself, you could have explained the romance, what happened, etc.

I'm not suggesting a rewrite, just a point to keep in mind for future stories. Write on and always strive to improve-

Sin

daniela

I did not let my frustrations get in the way of my critique. When you first posted "Tyler”, I went through it very carefully. The only reason why I did not post then was that I could not think of a tactful way to say, "In my opinion, this stinks". When I let loose on you, the critique was honest. As I said, I would not mind seeing some of your future work. A good rule of thumb for these forums is that for every work that you post, you should comment on at least three others. This is not a rule, just common courtesy. I am sorry that we got off on the wrong foot, and I am also sorry the way I "spoke" to you. If you look past the harsh words, however you will see some honest, heartfelt opinions.

--DM--

Edit: I understand your beliefs about editing, and while that may work for poetry, it does not work for short stories most of the time. Also, I did not say that "Tyler" was hard to read. It is just when I read it, I kept seeing the errors and it distracted me the first time through. I hope you will try the short story form again and give it an honest effort. For "Tyler", you could have turned it into a poem and put it into the poetry section. No one there seems to mind really long poems if every word and line is justified in being there. Please look beyond my earlier post and realize that there are good intentions imbedded in my words. I usually am nicer to new members, you just happened to be the unlucky one to catch me on a bad day. For that, I sincerely apologize.

Edit: One more thing--if you ever have a problem with a person’s post (as you did mine), do not hesitate to tell that person how you feel (like you did with me) or go to a moderator. Since you have run a forum before, you know how it can be when people are stuck in their opinions.

__________________
"When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them—then the rest will be valuable." - Mark Twain

D_Smalls

I'll remember the 'rule of thumb' from now on, difficult to catch an unspoken 'rule' when ya first get going at a forum. But now I know, and I'll obey it.

Ive never been great at writing short stories anyways, this is the closest/best I've gotten to one that I can remember. Maybe I'll just stick to free verse.

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If you like my writing, check out my site Wasted Youth

daniela

Now you are trying to make me feel guilty! You do not have to stick to free verses. These forums are a great place to learn, and if you want to put the work in, you can learn to write really good short stories. About the 3:1 rule, that was just something from a thread in the Suggestion forum--I was using it as an oversimplified example to try to help you. What I meant was that if you want to get critiques, find a few people who give reciprocal comments and reply to their threads. In addition, you can contact by PM someone whose work you like and see if they will give you some pointers. This will be my last post in this thread--I have wasted enough space apologizing for my rude tone. I think I am going to leave that post the way it is, though. It will remind me that not everyone understands how things work here right away and that I should not let my temper get the better of me (even when I am having a bad day). Keep writing and maybe I will see you around the forums sometime (I promise to be nice like I usually am--not the b**** that you met this afternoon).

--DM--

__________________
"When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them—then the rest will be valuable." - Mark Twain

broken doll

ok, i found this story really powerful. I dont really know what else to say, but i had to post something because you've got some talent there
Seriously though, I really like this, it makes one think philosophically about life and death.
Who is Tyler? Is he a personification of emotions? No one knows. And no one bothered to find out. How interesting.
- Cassi

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Verago

Is Tyler suffering from some form of depression? Because he doesn't seem to be a very happy person. I think it was pretty good, except for the few mistakes that daniela has already pointed out.