zaoshang

-I love that. Definitely much better.

All right. This is what I believe: no matter what others say, if you rationally or irrationally feel that a word really needs to be there, then leave it there. Critique and feedback are useful and necessary; but a writer's instinct should always have the last word -- that's my opinion.

I did. In fact, I think that peculiar feeling is what makes the story great. With or without "she admitted," this is how the scene sounds to me: Nicole is embarrassed by her mother's blunt question ("Is this the father?"). So her answer "No, mom, he's not" comes with a bit of anger and also a bit of sadness. Nicole doesn't feel comfortable with her mother's comment ("he'd make a fine father") perhaps because she believes that, too: Nicole would like, in fact, Lee to be the father of her child.

All the way till the end I expected Lee and Nicole to step into the story together, to become characters in the same plot. They didn't; their stories remained parallel -- and I love this ending. I think that's the experience of the road -- something that has always fascinated me. You meet someone, a total stranger, and in a few hours you get to have a glimpse on intimate stories of theirs and on things they probably wouldn't share with their good friends. Then suddenly you say goodbye and you know you'll never meet that person again. It occurred to me; in some cases I didn't even get to know their name.

I think Lee had the same feeling. I love these words: "determinedly, if not surely." You doubt you're doing the right thing, yet you do it in a very determined way. Wow. That's the essence of your story, if I am permitted to go that far with my interpretation

This idea is fascinating probably because it's a metaphor of life itself: "life is a journey" with short encounters and glimpses on other people's souls.
Then you'd better trust your instinct

Selorian

NoWorries,

I still find this an excellent piece of writing. Best of luck to you on submitting it and having it accepted. They would be nuts to turn it down. It was also cool to find out the way the story came about. I took a look at the writing challenge that you posted and think I will try writing something for it. It sounds like a fascinating concept. Again, great job and the best of luck to you.


Cliff

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swing_it_away

I'm with Selorian on that one. That was a great peice, and you wrote everything beautifully. You got the Arizona to New Mexico drive perfectly, something about it had a sort of southwestern feeling to it.

And I'd keep the music like it is.

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Pats

I am just incredably impressed by the workmanship of this story, NW. I hope I can get as good as you are someday.

Keep writing! Be sure and tell us what happens with this!

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Orlandu

I wish I could say something wonderful about your story and not be reciting the words of someone else who got here earlier. I'm not even the type that would be interested in this sort of thing, but it kept me hooked until the end and wanting more. Fine work!