huni

Well, you have certainly gained confidence since we first met. You are getting some good reactions and good advice as well. This had me creeped out and I jumped when some one here dropped something. I agree with Kitty, I felt there was more to tell. So am pleased you intend to write more. Other advice you received, to edit, has huge value in writing. Edit and then edit again. My only advice, extra to this, (since I'm no expert, just a forum friend) would be to keep your writing simple, only elaborate when absolutely necessary or if it adds depth to the piece. BUT what would I know I only write poetry. I dropped by because I promised I would, to find you have quite a following. Well done Bill. huni.

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each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust

Novicewriter

Thank you so much Huni for the kind words of encouragment. This is actually a short story I posted and maybe I might add it to the collection of shorts i'm working on. I might add to it... Again thank you for the kind words, they mean so much to me.

Novicewriter

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"There are only two things that scare me...Dr. Evil and Carnies. You know, circus folk. They have small hands and smell like cabbage."

penny

Good job.
You have a great imagination.
I will offer some ideas:
Take your time developing your thoughts, they do seemed rushed. Open up the prose a bit. Where,what, when, how.
This story is a cerebral piece-where we are in the head of the young girl. I'm not sure that she would be saying much out loud in a situation like this . But her internal conversation could be incredible. Give it to us- we want to be as frightened as she is.
The creature is good but it didn't work for me to switch from her point of view to its point of view at the end. Only one guys opinion.
Keep writing. it just keeps getting better.
Penny

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It took a disease, taking my mobility from me to see further and clearer than when I could take that trip and see nothing. My spirit grows beyond my body. I am new again in this discovery of my internal landscape and its meanings.

Shy_Love

**smiles** I picked a bad time to read this....its night here...and everybodys asleep....I'm not to god with scary stories. I'm a chicken....LoL...awesome Job either way! ...I think I'm going to call somebody or something...LoL..I'ma tad freaked out! Well, I guess thats what happens when your chicken like me....

Novicewriter

Well...I'm glad that I could scare someone I am very glad you liked it...Makes me feel good.

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"There are only two things that scare me...Dr. Evil and Carnies. You know, circus folk. They have small hands and smell like cabbage."