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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 05-31-2004, 08:21 PM   #1
ajp
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Join Date: May 2004
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ajp
Lost on my own island

I awoke in the middle of the valley under a tree. I could see him far off at the top of the horizon, sitting patiently a top his horse. I went behind the tree and hid. He kicked his horse and road steadily down the hill into the fold of the valley where I lay hidden. I remained quite and invisible, although he continued to persue my location.

Upon arriving but within 10 yards infront of where I lay hidden, he stopped his horse. I held my breath, and every muscle in my body. He sat there above his horse, with the stained blindfold covering his eyes. I could hold my breath no longer....I inhaled. He immediately kicked his horse and came flying toward me. He reared his horse within 3 feet of my body and stopped, and looked at me. His stare was cold and unfulfilling as i could not see his eyes.

He then turned his horse around and rode into the darkess of the woods. I decided to follow. Upon walking down a hill into the woods I came upon a stream where he was sharing water with his horse. I continued to watch him as I remain again presumably invisible in the distance.

He mounted his horse and continued down the stream to a grand mansion. This was not any mansion, it was a splendid castle scaled to 10 times the size of any human dwelling. He rode his horse around to the back of the mansion and that was the last time I would ever see him.

I went around to the side of the mansion where I came upon an opening door. I went inside and found a very large room, more than 50 feet in height, and the brick walls of the room containing nothing but hay and rocks in between. I venture to a doorway from which a brighter light appears, which is a fire. The giant is sitting on his chair in front of his fire and smoking a pipe. Before I even realize it he has me in his grasp and imprison's me in a basement holding cell.

After several hours in the cell I manage to escape as it is a cell made for a much larger person. I am confused after leaving the basement floor and cannot remember the way back to the side door which I entered, nor find any windows from which to escape. I am wandering around the vast mansion room to room, only to find the next one bigger than the last or looping around in the same direction in which I had come. It spend what is seemingly hours looking for the way out.

Finally! I come upon upon a window, on the far side of the room. There is a noise coming from the adjacent room. What is that noise? I slowly crawl on the floor to peak around the corner. The giant is sitting in another chair, reading a book. I continue to crawl across the desert-like floor to the window. Halfway I get up and run to the window, the giant hears and comes bolting. I run to the window and do not have enough time to open it so I jump through it.

I land on the roof outside and hurriedly realize I am better off jumping than facing the giant. I jump off the roof into what is the stream below and swim to the bank, trying to escape as quickly as possible. I can see a thin patch of woods with railroad tracks behind it. I race through the woods and to the railroad tracks, my clothes are tattered and falling apart. Across the railroad tracks I see a factory. I cannot yet go in this factory for help because my clothes have torn apart and fallen off.

I am naked and frantically looking around the area of the factory for some clothing. I come to a tree stump, and littered about it is about 150 dollars in cash and a towel. I use the towel to cover up with, but I have no where to put the money I just found so I hold it.

I decide to go to the factory to find help. I entered a door to the factory and I saw many workers busily going about their duties, they only had the time to give me a quick stare. I went around asking various workers for help and expressing that I needed a phone. One worker pointed to a woman sitting down, also busily working. I went over to the woman and ask her for the phone. I took the phone and tried to call my father for help, but the phone would not make the connection.

I continually asked other of the workers for help....I eventually got to another phone, which also did not work. I left the factory, still only wearing a towel.

I walked up the road from the factory and found a store, they would not let me in to use the phone. I stood there out on the street as some kids drove by, laughing and giving me the finger.

Where was I to go from here?
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Old 05-31-2004, 09:08 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
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ink stained dreamer
maybe you could loop back and explain some of the characters feelings, why was he hiding, who was the man, etc. What makes the title "Lost on my own island"? The action is really fast, i was definetly carried along. Good job. Hope this helps. ttyl.
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