Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-17-2004, 04:47 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 4
Mincetro
Title: Just Me... Author: Mincetro

Just wanted to know what you think so far:

I woke up, laying down on my cold bed in a slightly offencive position, rats lined the floor of my prison cell, I found yet another one of yesterdays old food scraps down my pants. I didnt know how they were getting into my cell, but they did.
Every night they would do it. I was in my own cell, I wanted a cell mate to talk to, but its for the best if I'm by myself. I've seen the other prisoners at least once. There hasnt been a new arrival since christmas when a guy murderd his wife. Is this really justice? Locking people in brick walls with a steel door blocking their way to freedom? Blood and urine stained walls and insanely unsafe walkways? Is this how we treat eachother these days?
The toilet was to be fixed a few months ago - Its been blogged since the "Christmas Special". Theres an eerie atmosphere here,
everyones afraid to leave their cells to go to anywhere in the toiletries section. Roumors have been spread thet people are murdered by the warden, and anyone intervening gets executed on the spot.
I never before thought that I'd end up in this place. I'll go back and recount my tale for you, Maybe I'll pinpoint where it all
went wrong...

After hours of carefully manouvring the car through the crippled, busy streets of Old geelong I'd just managed to pull into the main streets of Geelong. I drove carefully through kilometers of road, the traffic was slow and exaughsting. The cars were releasing excessive amounts of Carbonmonoxcide, not only harming innocent people but polluting us for years to come, An unstoppable vent of gas steaming out from the exauhst pipes of these cars and trucks had no place on our roads, as it should be.

End of part 1 (add part 2 here when done)
__________________
I would put an insert in here, but it adds up to be a short story
Mincetro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2004, 02:39 PM   #2
Addict
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Aylesbury, UK
Posts: 150
Plitec
Send a message via MSN to Plitec
Lots of spelling mistakes, use a spell checker man.

Quote:
of Old geelong I'd just managed to pull into the main streets of Geelong.
No need for the repitition, makes it seem childish.

Quote:
An unstoppable vent of gas steaming out from the exauhst pipes of these cars and trucks had no place on our roads, as it should be.
...huh?... What do you mean here

Keep going, want to read more.. preferably spell checked
__________________
"Take a look at your life and no wonder you're so sad. Y'all put up with more sh*t than a colostomy bag"
Plitec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2004, 05:17 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 4
Mincetro
Will do...

I think it needs a little more 'explanation' for everything... I'll do it later.
__________________
I would put an insert in here, but it adds up to be a short story
Mincetro is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:05 AM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers