Lilian

Just one moment more and we would cross the border.......
When they caught us I was 19 and i beleived that there existed thousands
of worlds and possibilities.And that You only need to cross the border to
see them.
Later I realised that the beautiful and the ugly are the too faces of one
single thing.Only the eyes that beheld them were diferent.
In that way I saw the lovely island of Belene,that terryfying camp of death.
The place where delicate flowers grew,manured by blood and human bones.The place where I spent five years of my life and from where
many never returned home.
Even now I am unable to make out who created this brutal conception.
To get mad when the merry waves of the bluest river play around You.
To die while the greenest herbs grow wilder.To kill while animals and birds
come into the world.
Years after years I read the imaginary graffitti of my predecessors.
Thoughts,written only in their minds.
"I was here.",Whatever happens,Maria will wait for me.",They can kill
my body,but not mine convictions."

***************
Afterwards,suddenly everyone realised that they had never been there.
That Maria was only a dream.And that convictions were nothing more
than a fancy of philisophers or people who have never been imprisoned.
And yet sometimes in those prison years I also tried to be a philosopher
Like those of the ancient greek school.I explained to the rats(prisoners
like me)that even though they didn't peceive living as something reasonable enough they should at least respect it as the basic gift of God.


*************

One morning the jailer called for me.
"Name and age?"
"Boris,24-years-old"
"What are You doing here?"
"I'm a political prisoner.My friends my friends and I wanted to escape from the country,from the dictatorship........"

He was watching me with concern.
"You know,this is a psychiatric clinic,not a prison.We thought that You
were cured of your hallucinations..."
"Sure......."-I smiled after some contemplation.
"Really?You're indeed a joker.You almost frightened me.Then You may
leave,but beware.You're still too young son.Some day you'll understand
that dictatorship exists only in our minds,doesn't it?"
"Yes,it does!"-I replied.
It was true.The same way as 2+2=5

******
The island was awakening after the stillness of the night.The Danube,
transparent and filled with life and death,was beginning its new journey
to distant lands.I remembered something and started to laugh and cry
at the same time.
When I was a little boy I beleived in two things.
One-that in no way I should swallow the stones of fruit because a tree
would grow ibn my stomach.
So Mother said.
The other was that the rivers got filled with water bt human tears.And
where there are dried rivers neither sorrow,no tears exist.
So Father said.

*************
Now,getting out of prison,only freedom in my pockets,I know that the
world is only one and it can never be better.

Aevin

Um . . . I don't get it. *chuckles*

Actually, there are some strong points in here, and I like it much better than your other story. Have you ever tried writing poetry? There is a very poetic feel to your prose, especially in the striking imagery in the first section. However, this gift for imagery is pretty constant throughout the story. Personally, I've never cared much for poetry, but I can still recognize a poet when I see one.

As for plot . . . is the main character literally a hallucinating psychiatric patient? It was a little unclear to me, whether he was totally joking about the dictatorship thing. Was the first scene a hallucination? The character seems to work well, a hallucinating, dictatorship hating philosopher. The choice of first person works well for this. You might do . . . a little something to make the plot a little more obvious.

Grammar and punctuation really need some work. The errors are so frequent that I dare not try to point them out. Not to be rude, but perhaps you should study up a little? . . .

There is definitely potential here. You have a natural feel for drama; the order of the sentences, paragraph breaks and word choice make this very interesting to read. Clean up your grammar, work on plot, and this can be an excellent story. And, if you haven't already, try writing some poetry. Your skills could make you a great poet!

__________________
"Go to, like, greater adventures!"
--Din from Namco's Tales of the Abyss

Lilian

First,thank you for the comment.
I have never written a poetry and i don't feel like doing it.Usually i write
a novels and from time to time-a short stories.
About the errors.I suppose that there are too many and I'm really sorry about this.But how I said to Lily the translations of my stories are made by
my sister,because I'm really unable to translate in english.Ultimately I
write my stories in spanish lenguage and I send it in spanish writing forum.
But I decided to show my stories in english forum too.
The character in the storie isn't crazy and he don't have hallucinations.
This is one of the real camps of death,who existed in the time of the
comunistic government(dictatorship).And I wrote the storie not so hard
as she was.