Lilian

"What would you like to be when you grow up?"asked the doctor.
"A director.",I said firmly and I was confident that i would achieve it.
When you're young everything is posible.Even reaching the sun.
"You are sure that you'll be a director.Why?"he asked again.
"Why?Because undoubtedly I am the best,the most clever,the most talented.The cinema needs me."
Both of us stayed silent.But he was the one who wasn't convinced in
my words.
I felt bitterness.Had he the right to destroy my dreams with only a glance?I myself started to question my abilities.
"Turn your head aside and lay calmly."Obediently I do so,having the
feeling that the time has stopped.On the next day I go to visit him again.
The X-ray of my brain is ready.Even for a moment I don't doubt that I'll
be a director.But there's no need of it.The answer is precise and clear-
there on the X-ray.
A malignant.......
Yes,I shall be a director.......but probably in another lifetime.

Lily

Hmm . . . what you have here is interesting so far, but it could use a LOT more development. I'd love to know more about the character- what you have here makes it hard for me to sympathize with the narrator, but only because I don't know anything about him/her. Try fleshing out the story a bit- show us more about the character's home life or social life (your pick), show us more about what the character is like. Also, proofread! Proofreading is essential when you're writing stories, because you need to catch any grammar mistakes (this includes all the little things like spelling and punctuation- you know, the stuff you learn in English class. Or should, anyway). Also, when your writing is grammatically correct and well presented, it's easier to read, and it's easier for us to absorb it. Believe it or not, when people see a block of text, they get intimidated.

Something I forgot- I find that reading what I've written aloud really helps, because it forces me to check on the flow of my setences (ie: reading aloud shows me how my writing will sound in the reader's mind when he/she is reading it to themselves). Also, when you're reading aloud, it's impossible for your eyes to skip over any word- in other words, it's a great way to proofread. Best of luck!

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Insufferable Know-it-all.

Lilian

Hello,Lily!
I apreciate your answer and I am grateful for your recommendations.
(If i sound too formal You should know that English is not my native
lenguage.Also the translation of my story is made by my sister.)It would
be very nice of You to correct the grammar mistakes and the use of
English.
I was really surprised by your comment because It shows the difference
in the way bulgarians and foreigners percieve fiction.We,here,like the short and concise writing and You expect a more detailed story.
The narrator is 16-year-old girl.

Aevin

Interesting, but if you want this to be known to the reader, you must tell him within the story itself. Personally, I think this is one of the few things that DOESN'T need to be embellished. By leaving it open, the reader can assume this character is anyone, or everyone. Personally, I expected a much younger narrator, like eleven or something.

This may be true, but what you've given us is simply too little. Your skill with blunt emotion would be better used as a contrast to . . . more stuff. Expand on the characters, expand on the emotions and descriptions, and then your brevity will be more shocking when you use it. The last two lines are excellent, but would be more powerful if the reader understood some things about the humanity of the main character. All you've given us is that she wants to be a director.

__________________
"Go to, like, greater adventures!"
--Din from Namco's Tales of the Abyss

UnluckyFreak

I don't think a whole country would have a preference, that seems more like an individual thing.

I too expected a younger girl since most 16 year olds aren't that confident. They would more likely say something like... I'm going to be a director, or something.... while a little girl who doesn't know failure etc believes she can get anything she wants.