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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 01-25-2004, 12:21 PM   #1
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obiwanjabroni
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Hope

Found something from my whiney adolescent phase . Pretty short, give it a try? It's modeled a little off of the short blurbs that begin each chapter of "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card.

Hope

"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I don't love you any more."
"..."
"You should move on. Forget me."
"You're lying. Why are you lying to me?"
"How do you know I'm lying?"
"Because you're still holding my hand."
"I''m serious, you should forget me."
"Why are you saying that!"
"Because you shouldn't be tied down by someone like me."
"..."
"You deserve the best. How will it feel to wait and wait...forever? What happens if you're sad and I'm not there. I can't expect you to wait. I want you to forget me and live your life."
"Are you afraid of commitment or something?"
"No, I'm not. But four years ia a long time. I'm telling you that I'll love you for that time, but you don't have to love me."
"You've lost me."
"This isn't easy to say, because what I'm telling you to do is not what I want you to do."
"Then why tell me to do it?"
"When you love someone, you have to learn to let them go."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"I want you to be happy, not waiting for some kid to come back half a decade later."
"Let me ask you something. What makes you think that I won't be happy to just wait?"
"Because I know about waiting. And when I wait, I'm miserable."
"Then why wait?"
"Because-"
"Some things are worth waiting for."[/b]
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Old 01-25-2004, 12:39 PM   #2
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I have to say that it kept me wanting to figure out what was happening and what was going to happen. I think it is pretty good dialogue for an "adolescent"! Some of the dialogue is a little bit stilted, but not much. Is the time frame current day? Or is it set in an earlier time? I guess that would make a difference to me as I read it.
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Old 01-26-2004, 11:38 AM   #3
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Plitec
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Heh, this one rang a chord with me. Sounds like the conversation I had with my ex-girlfriend.

Nice one, taken from personal experience?
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Old 01-26-2004, 10:32 PM   #4
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LosTios
Like has been said before, good adolescent dialogue, very trite however, and no offense - no story. Either make this a larger scene in a story, or just give up and make it a script. Post the rest.
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Old 01-27-2004, 10:27 AM   #5
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Sam, I like the dialogue- it's very well done, but I have to agree with LosTios- it would work better if you put it in a story. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to do here, though. Is it a scene in a story, or is it a journal entry or something? Keep up the good work! Good to see you posting again
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