Nothing is worst then Hell (my first story here!) - Writers Forum

Lykkwid · 01-16-2004, 06:42 PM

(This is my first short story I have attempted. Do criticise me if need be as your opinions can help a lot in developing my writing skills.)

It all started with a scream; it was awakening within me, the devil stirred his syrup of lava as he taunted me with a taste of Hell. His laughs and cries of jeers echoed all around my body, hate filled me like a glass of wine being slowly poured into a cup that had no end. I thrased about in the empty air breathing in the humid stench of rotting meat with a solution of racid air. More then anything I wanted to die that very moment. Except there was a catch, I was already dead.

"Welcome to the Gates Of Hell!" screamed a voice that had no face. Pain was now surging through my body, my skin began peeling off and I could smell my own body being roasted alive along with the thousands of other people whos cries of pain could be heard all around but could not be seen. I was surrounded in pitch black, eternal darkness, I saw no fire but still I could feel the endless torturous heat burning to my very heart. I attempted to move but all I could do was thrash about in mid air, it was as if a invisible pole had inpaled my very soul and was to remain there forever. The last of my skinned had nearly burned away now, "Soon, very soon this suffering shall end! I will be burnt to ashes and then I may rest in peace." I thought to myself. And slowly did I burn crying in pain as I did so. As my bones were slowly devoured by the flames of Hell I could feel the pain slowly die away, all was well now I would soon be granted the rest I very much deserved. Emptyness filled whatever was left of me, there was no pain, there was no smell, there was no heat, there was Nothing.

There was Nothing and there still is Nothing. I see Nothing and feel Nothing. There is no noise nor silence, there is no light nor darkness, there is only Nothing. The last voice I heard was the laugh of the devil, how I long to hear the cries and jeers once more but there is Nothing here. How I wish that I could be burnt forever and ever, at least I could feel and smell but here there is Nothing. With my body devoured by the flames of Hell, all that is left of me is my consciousness. I remain in this Nothing forever and ever more. This mental torture gets worst every second, I am trapped within my consciossness and forever will be. How I long to be back in the Gates of Hell, but forever I shall remain trapped in Nothing. What could be worse then Hell? I tell you, Nothing can be.

flibble flobble · 01-17-2004, 09:33 AM

Hell sounds like a not very nice place! The writing is quite fast paced and pretty frenetic , which I think is necessary to what is going on in the story. However when the character starts to think that it will soon be over his voice isn't realistic. He sounds like some strange character from the Victorian era. Pretty sure that unless he's speaking his voice doesn't need speech marks. For a first short story it is a good piece of writing. However, hell doesn't always have to be the way that the bible and religious organisations depict it to be. Try and invent your own hell and put it into words, that could be just as, if not more interesting. Good luck in writing more!

Nazareth · 01-17-2004, 11:15 AM

Flibble- I think Hell should be an accurate portrayal of what God says about it if the piece is going to have any power, otherwise it becomes nothing but a fantastic fantasy of a vivid imagination- which isn't to say that's a bad thing, but it's just less powerful in my opinion.

Though Lykkwid, it doesn't say in the bible there is Nothingness in the end- I have a pm for ya- Your story was quite disturbing

flibble flobble · 01-17-2004, 12:06 PM

But then that surely just becomes an account of what someone else has said mixed with a pinch of a person's individual take, such as Lykkwind's account of nothingness.

Lykkwid · 01-17-2004, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flibble flobble

Hell sounds like a not very nice place! The writing is quite fast paced and pretty frenetic , which I think is necessary to what is going on in the story. However when the character starts to think that it will soon be over his voice isn't realistic. He sounds like some strange character from the Victorian era. Pretty sure that unless he's speaking his voice doesn't need speech marks. For a first short story it is a good piece of writing. However, hell doesn't always have to be the way that the bible and religious organisations depict it to be. Try and invent your own hell and put it into words, that could be just as, if not more interesting. Good luck in writing more!

thanks for the feedback, along with everyone elses. Like I said to Nazareth the bible uses the idea of fire, pain, etc just to portral the pain suffered in hell not actually what Hell is like. I read this somewhere but I might be wrong.

Lykkwid · 01-17-2004, 05:25 PM

just to add I never mentioned the Time Period of the story so for all you know it actually could be set in Victorian Times

, or NOT

!!!! That's for you to decide though.

IntoxicatingThruWords · 01-24-2004, 11:54 PM

interesting...i just wrote a story about pretty much the same thing.

sYnnYr · 01-25-2004, 08:47 AM

I have to agree with Flibble in this case. The definition of hell should come from ones own interpretation of it. For some, life here on Earth is hell. For others, it is heaven. You need to search into yourself and discover what your own hell is. I am not a religious person, so I don't think of heaven and hell in those ways. To me, hell is living without the person you love and heaven is just the opposite. I can only imagine that to a beggar on the street, hell is waking up each day with an empty stomach and wondering where his/her next meal is coming from. And heaven may be that time when the good Samaritan comes along and offers them that meal. Though that heaven would be short lived, it would be heaven nonetheless. I am no writer and I don't claim to be, but ones interpretation of any piece of literature has to be just that - ones own interpretation. As far as the Bible goes, it is a great work of literature to be interpreted in many ways. That's why there are so many religions. Anyway, that's my opinion on the matter. Not that it means the hell of a lot. Excuse the pun. And I did enjoy reading your story. Like I said, I'm no writer, but I will attempt a short story of my own personal hell and post it here.

Nazareth · 01-25-2004, 11:23 AM

I dunno, what's wrong with interpretting it the way the Bible describes it? Doesn't have to be a preachy writing in order to be accurate- Yeah, some people feel life on earth is hell no doubt, but like the old sayin goes- earth is the only heaven some people will ever know & even if it's bad here it's still gonna be much worse in hell.

Lots of famous writers have touched accurately and interestingly on this subject. Finding th4e unique intersting way to portray this subject is while still remaining semi accurate is the tough part- Ya came close Lykkwid

obiwanjabroni · 01-25-2004, 12:06 PM

Writing on such a topic has a definite purpose. In this aspect, I agree with Flibble. After all, why write a re-depiction of hell when the Bible has already been written? We can't exactly write about Hell from our personal experience because we've never been there (or I should hope not). But here's what writing is about. It's about thinking of familiar subjects in new ways, and I think flibble has a good suggestion in that we should write about what we know to be hell. What's the worst thing that a human being can go through, the most terrible (and it need not be trite or hackneyed like being run through a grinder or something), but something psychological, something ethical, something emotional. The power of a story doesn't arise from allusion necessarily; power comes from taking something abstract, and having it mean something in relation to the audience.

I think that piece was written well. Like all first short stories, a clear style must be given time to emerge, but all in all, solid. The suggestions were good.

Nazareth · 01-25-2004, 12:22 PM

"After all, why write a re-depiction of hell when the Bible has already been written?"

If written in a unique artistic manner with the flavour of the writer it can be very interesting indeed- there's many ways to write the same scene in interesting captivating ways that portray the same the same meaning. To me, That's the power of thought and words.

Granted, some people like fiction over fact, & I guess I'm more in the line of fiction tempered by fact for certain pieces of work.

Lykkwid, please don't mnisunderstand, I aint sayin ya did it wrong- don't get that impression here- I'm just givin my view point which isn't necessarilly right for everyone.

**Penelope** · 01-27-2004, 11:30 AM

Quote:

interesting...i just wrote a story about pretty much the same thing.

Now that's curious considering another post you made.

Lykkwid · 02-19-2004, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by obiwanjabroni

Writing on such a topic has a definite purpose. In this aspect, I agree with Flibble. After all, why write a re-depiction of hell when the Bible has already been written? We can't exactly write about Hell from our personal experience because we've never been there (or I should hope not). But here's what writing is about. It's about thinking of familiar subjects in new ways, and I think flibble has a good suggestion in that we should write about what we know to be hell. What's the worst thing that a human being can go through, the most terrible (and it need not be trite or hackneyed like being run through a grinder or something), but something psychological, something ethical, something emotional. The power of a story doesn't arise from allusion necessarily; power comes from taking something abstract, and having it mean something in relation to the audience.

I think that piece was written well. Like all first short stories, a clear style must be given time to emerge, but all in all, solid. The suggestions were good.

Why should I not write a re-depiction of hell even if the bible already has one? That's like saying we shouldn't produce those Jesus Christ cartoons for children since the bible already has the stories in them! Or not remake a old movie since the story has already been told. My understanding skills arn't too great so I might have missunderstoon your point and I am in no way annoyed or anger by what you said, just trying to get my point across.