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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 01-11-2004, 09:24 PM   #1
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Kazzepink
Lucy Lucie - short story - does it grab you??

The young fat girl curled in the corner crying helplessly, terrorized by her tormentors, who stood above her like goddesses. They were the perfect example of what a young girl should be, tall and thin and beautiful. They were like one person divided into many, and all of them stood above Lucy tossing pencils and erasers at her while laughing and pointing and calling her names.

"Look at her girls," the blonde haired girl Suzanne shouted out in laughter, her long golden hair swinging from shoulder to shoulder with each turn of her head. With a slight move of her right heeled shoe, she kicked Lucy in the shin and Lucy whailed out in pain.

It wasn't so much the physical pain that caused her outburst of crying, it was the humiliation that it was happening again, in the girls gym locker room. Where were the teachers who were suppose to disapline this group of terrifying teens? They were in their little office at the far end, as usual, lauging and puffing on sticks of cigarettes.

Then there was the other classmates, who chose to ignore the scene around them and thus went about their business as though nothing were happening. Young girls walking past, taking a glimpse of 'fat Lucy' on the floor crying. They might have wanted to help but they chose to allow the group of girls, the Suzanne girls, to carry on. The Suzanne girls did what they wanted because no one did anything about it.

"Here, try this on for size fatso!" Heather, the brunette cried out in laughter. She leaped in front of Suzanne and tossed a small black object on Lucy. All the girls burst out laughing and followed with the question:

"What was that Heather?"

Heather smirked, her dimples lit up to expose a devilish grin, "a spider!" she cried out loudly and the group of girls burst out screaming. Donna, the second long haired blonde ran behind a row of lockers, Carolyn leaped over Lucy and ran into the shower room while Jeannnie, the red haired girl ran out of the girls gym locker room screaming. There was just Suzanne and Heather remaining and Lucy below their feet crying, unaware of the spider crawling up her leg.

"What is going on here girls?" An adult voice belted out from beyond the row of lockers. Lucy raised her head, trying to control her crying, the voice she heard, someone was going to rescue her, she held her breath to contain another outburst of crying.

"Suzanne?" Mrs. Fletcher the robust gym teacher whailed out, her hands on her hip as she belted forward with her two long muscular legs thumping the ground like thunder. Her wrinkling face was frowning deeply.

"Heather. Suzanne, what is going on? Who is that on the floor? Lucy? Lucy Letch is that you on the floor?" Mrs. Fletcher cried out. She walked forward and stood between Heather and Suzanne, with one arm extended, she grabbed Lucy's arm and pulled her up to her feet forcefully.

"We were a little freaked because of a spider on Lucy's leg Mrs. Fletcher, see?" Suzanne responded confidently, tilting her head slightly, she flicked her golden hair behind her shoulder as she pointed to the black spider that crawled up Lucy's right hip. Mrs. Fletcher, with one sweep of her hand, knocked the spider off Lucy's leg and it flew across the room.

"There," she said slapping her hands together as though dusting them off, "was that what all the screaming was about? Is that why Jeannine ran out of here screaming?"

Heather and Suzanne giggled. "Yes ma'am, " Suzanne replied smiling, "us girls don't like spiders, they are ugly. We don't like ugly things. May Heather and I leave for our next class now ma'am?"

Mrs. Fletcher knodded. The bell rang for the next class and all the girls left the locker room. Suzanne and Heather and the remainder of the the Suzanne girls left laughing and taking quick glances back at Lucy who remained standing with Mrs. Fletcher, her eyes swollen red from crying. The other girls left chatting amongst themselves about what had just occured and the gym room was empty for the moment.

"What really happened here Lucy?" Mrs. Fletcher asked, this time her voice was soft. "If you don't tell me, I can't help you." she added.

Lucy shrugged, "no one can help anyway." she uttered softly.

"You cannot allow kids to do that to you Lucy, what gives them the right? You need to tell me so I can take the steps to stop it." Mrs. Fletcher said firmly, she reached over and grasped Lucy's arm with her hand and squeezed it tight, "I mean it." she added.

Lucy reflected. Where had she heard that before? At her other school, the on she was forced to leave because of the same tormenting. School teachers, the principal, her parents, their parents, they were all involved. The only solution was to leave the school because it didn't stop.
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Old 01-12-2004, 09:16 AM   #2
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flibble flobble
I liked it. You captured the immediacy of the action and put it in context at the end, setting the scene for a further expansion on the flashback to her other school and why she was bullied so much. I particularly liked the description of the gym teacher with her muscular legs, 'thumping the ground like thunder.'-reminded me of my old gym teacher. There was a lot of misspellings in this work, but other than that good job!
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Old 01-12-2004, 02:24 PM   #3
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Beelzebub
i like it. It'd be interesting to do the story from the buly's point of view as well. Not make her out to be quite so evil. SHow a surprisingly different side type thing.

SOrry, im sure you already know what youre going to do. Just writing down my thoughts
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Old 01-12-2004, 02:39 PM   #4
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Nice story, one or two spelling mistakes 'knodded' and 'disapline' but apart from that - very good.

The description of the girls the 'godesses' was well done ... just one thing

'...terrifying teens...'

I personally didn't like this (not being an avid fan of alliteration) but it makes it sound ...comic-book like.. in my opinion
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