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She stood on the balcony. Her hands leant on the metal trellis as her back arched and she shut her eyes to the glare of the sun.

He watched her through a crack in the wooden shutters. His forehead was pulled tight in concentration as his hair dampened with sweat. He closed one eye and focussed on the sight. It couldn't be more than fifty yards. The cross-hair hovered over her chest as his finger stiffened around the trigger The bullet would pulp her heart and rip out of her shoulder, embedding itself in the wall. She would be dead within seconds.

His vision became blurred and he wiped the wetness from his eyes. His throat tightened as he struggled to swallow. Children's voices drifted up from the street below . Their high pitched chatter and laughter echoing off the apartment walls. She was smiling now as she watched the children below. He saw her eyes flash with life as her grin broadened. She inhaled deeply and her hand moved to her stomach rubbing it gently. The air stilled and he tasted the acidic tang of fear on his tongue as the tendons in his fingers shifted.

AdamR

I must say, good description, but as far as the plot, not exactly what I think and write about.

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"Excellence in all things, and all things to the glory of God."
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flibble flobble

It was just a quick idea and very short! I suppose you are into science fiction. Have you read any by the author Iain Banks, he's a British author-very good. Give it a try if you haven't.

Lily

Hmm . . . I have to admit, there isn't really a lot here that I can work with. To start with, your writing is very choppy. The choppiness makes it awkward and somewhat hard to read- I suggest reading it aloud to see if you can make it a bit more fluid sounding (pretend that you're telling someone a story . . . out loud). Also, I suggest adding a lot more . . . reading this reminds me of watching about 2 seconds of a movie, then stopping it.

Something I forgot to mention- I'm having trouble with the phrase- 'her hands leant on the metal trellis'. Usually, hands don't lean, people and things do. I would suggest finding another verb for that, but that's just my personal opinion. It could work as a creative touch, making her hands seem like entities with minds of their own. Keep up the good work

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flibble flobble

I'm now trying to put longer pieces on the site as I realise that this piece was a little too short. I see what you mean about it sounding choppy, it does sound as if it is a bit hacked at the edges and I agree about the hands leaning. Thanks for the feedback!