truthhc

I sat down.

A dog strolled by, ignoring me.

The bench I am sitting on is green. The paint is peeling off in places, and there are a lot of messages and names carved in.

'What are you looking at fuck face' one of them read.

I look away.

Two girls are walking my way. One is pretty. Brown hair. Happy face.

I smile at them.

She smiles back.

I keep smiling, watching them as they walk away.

She looks back.

I watch them until they are gone. I turn my head back to the other side of the road. An elderly couple is walking and chatting. They are sunny and bright. Lots of white. The sun makes them glow.

The man starts laughing and then hugs the lady to his body and kisses the side of her head. It makes me smile.

The old man looks at me, and nods. His white hat is radiant.

I nod back.

And then I wait for the bus.



The bus is packed with people.

I stand near the door.

No one is talking, just minding their own business.

The silence is leaning against me, but it is light.

I feel like chuckling, but I fight the urge.

I don't want to cause trouble. Peope will think I am chuckling at them. It's happened before. I struggle to keep my mouth shut. It almost feels like seizure. After a while it subsides. I relax and stare out the window.

And then I chuckle.

"Hehehehehe..."

I feel like slapping myself.

People are already looking at me.

It's not that I hate myself, but I just wish I had more control.

I get off at the next stop, and my fists clench without any thought.



It's dusk, and the horizon is every color between orange and purple.

I stand there in suburbia territory and watch as the clouds shift away from the sun.

My hand slowly unclench and my body begins to relax.

The bus is already down the street.

I stand there, just watching the setting sun.

I feel like I'm in some movie, and this is the ending where the hero stands in the sunset, deep in thought.

I am the hero.

But no deep thoughts come, so I just keep staring.

The sun sets and there is nothing but the night and the cold breeze.

I get bored staring at the sky and start to walk down the street.

I pass buildings and houses and trees and benches and my mind is going through the past couple days.

My eyes are staring down and looking for cracks, which I step over for some reason. I can hear TVs from the houses and the flickering light paints my face. I have no idea where I'm walking, maybe just to the next bus stop, or maybe until I pass out, but I just keep on walking and thinking. There isn't really anything better that I have to do, and it's not like I have a place to go back to.

So, I'm walking.

Pretty soon I'm in the business area or something, there are lots of tall buildings and people crowding the sidewalks. My legs are tired and I decide that I've walked enough.

I find a bench and sit.

The bench is brown, but there are no messages on them.

People in suits and briefcases walk by, all of them with a purpose.

I watch them, and hum to myself. Some tune that I made up. It goes where I want it to go. It is my tune, my song, and I am in complete control of it. It is something the world doesn't own.

Something free.

I hum myself to sleep.



A bum wakes me. He is stroking my face.

"So pretty..."

I push him away. I wonder if he is gay, but he looks drunk and crazed enough to mistake me for a girl. I look nothing like a girl.

The whites of his eyes are yellow, and he stinks. He keeps stroking my face, and repeates the words over and over, expelling his alcoholic breath.

I start to get up and walk away, but he grabs my arm, gripping with more force than I could imagine. I pull, but his hold is too strong.

"What do you want?"

He just keeps pulling at me.

I see that with his other hand he is holding a bottle of liquor, something like cheap whiskey.

"Let go."

He just keeps pulling, looking like he's about to cry.

Then he pops.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UUUUP!!" he screams at me, spit flying into my face.

His face comes closer to me and his eyes are filled with water.

I kick him in the stomach, which releases his grip on me.

I walk away, feeling no need to run. I keep looking back, but he doesn't follow. He just sits there, looking broken and sipping on his bottle.

I walk until I find another bench, and look before I sit down. Leaning against the back rest, my head is turned to the sky. It is black and nothing twinkles. I feel the emptiness crawl from my stomach into my chest. The tears come without any surprise. They just drip down the side of my face.

I wipe the wetness away and get up.

The emptiness can be filled.

I start to walk back the way I had come.

I stop at a trash can and rummage in it until I find something that will work. I'm sniffling as I do this. I find an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. I carry it back, looking for the bum.

My pace gets quicker and quicker, and soon I'm almost running.

I find the bum, he is passed out on the bench.

I stand over him, and gently put my hand over his bottle.

His eyes open and he grabs at my hand. I let him grab it.

"Say it again," I say. With my other hand I raise the bottle of Jack Daniels.

He stares at me, never shifting his gaze from my eyes.

"Say it again."

He remains silent, just breathing heavily and staring at me with wide open eyes.

I hear nothing but his breath and mine. My jaws are clenched, staring at him. I find myself wanting to chuckle. This snaps something inside me.

And the emptiness is filled with red.

"FUCKING SAY IT AGAIN!"

I smash the bottle down on his forehead. It shatters and pieces of it fly at me, embedding into my skin. His face crickles into a mass of dirty wrinkles, and his whole body contracts. His hand grab at his face and he is crying against the bench. I stare down, out of breath.

I take his bottle and take a swig.

It burns my throat but it feels good.

The emptiness is gone, and I stare at him for the longest time.

I want to help.

"Hey... hey..."

I can't manage to say anything more.

He just clutches his face, blood dripping on the bench, and then on to the ground. It is more blood than I have ever seen. I feel sick. I take another swig.

I look around, afraid that someone has heard.

I...

I can't help him.

I run from the place.

The sun is coming up.

I drink the rest of the bottle, and then I chuckle until I cry.