Chanti

A subject we all need to be concerned about is world peace and I will get to that in a moment. Right now I am more concerned about the goings on in my chicken coup. This morning I was woken at 3 am by no less than FIVE roosters partaking in a raucous crowing competition. There may be people who might wonder at what is so strange about having five roosters and so it is at this point that a bit of fowl education is required. Poultry experts recommend you keep one rooster per dozen hens. One rooster can in fact service as many as twenty five hens. It’s no wonder they walk about with their chests thrust out looking so cock-sure of themselves (sorry but I just could not resist)

The reason for my need to educate those of you with a paltry knowledge about chickens is that I have somehow landed up with 5 roosters, 5 hens and a turkin. The turkin is the strangest prehistoric looking creature. It is a mixture between a turkey and a chicken and must be the MOST intellectually challenged creature ever to walk the face of the earth. I’ll get to that later, along with world peace.

The reason I now have 5 roosters to my 5 hens rather than the correct proportions is that I am a sucker. I am sure I have a flashing neon sign outside my property stating this fact because Theresa from Lemon Rose Farm asked me if I wanted their excess chickens - those that would be slaughtered if I did not agree to save them. No prizes for guessing what my decision was. Some time later, 4 roosters were delivered along with the turkin. I was rendered speechless by the ensuing mayhem.

When the four new roosters were placed into the chicken coup with Nero, the reigning rooster and my 5 hens, there was an initial quiet before the storm. The roosters were somewhat flustered after having suffered a car journey in a sack. Nero, however, appeared to be completely aghast that these intruders could dare to invade his space.

At this point, I feel I must introduce you to him properly (please bear with me) Nero is by far the handsomest rooster I have ever seen. He is black (hence his name) with magnificent blue-green tail feathers. He looks like something an elderly matron might have worn as a bonnet a few hundred odd years ago. He has one tiny flaw. Although he has incredible plumage and a beautiful comb and wattles, he is short legged and this has led to his experiencing a little frustration when trying to mount the longer legged hens. He took a real fancy to Edna in the early days and made acrobatic attempts to mount her, only to fall off as she irritably shook him from her back. Edna is now sitting on a clutch of eggs but I am not sure that there are any Nero’s among them. I suspect Dali may have fathered a few before taking off for the great chicken coup in the sky.

Anyway, I have gone off on a tangent again. Where was I? Oh yes, the 4 roosters and Nero's reaction. I now know where John Travolta got his cool walk from in Saturday Night Fever. He must have been brought up on a farm and observed roosters in action. The four new roosters were busy strutting around like four John Travolta clones and Nero's beady rooster eyes had literally come out on stalks. If roosters could splutter, he would have been spluttering at that moment. He was mortally offended by the presence of these intruders and started a strange series of head ducking movements that I now believe are chicken language for "Step outside buster!" The oldest of the roosters, with an impressive rust coloured collar and a very upright comb, took the challenge and the next thing I knew feathers were flying. One thing I can tell you is that roosters do not fight fair. They have a little horny protrusion or spike on the back of their legs above their uhm…feet? (Who can tell I am not a natural farmer?) They can inflict terrible damage with these spikes and in spite of my desperate intervention, Nero was soon reduced to a bloody mess because the other 3 roosters joined in the fray and kicked his proverbial chicken butt.

With the help of Gerald (our estate maintenance man / gardener come general factotum), I managed to get the four street-fighting cocks away from the gutsy but wounded Nero and cart them into separate coups. If you thought that injury had humbled Nero, you are wrong, He was now separated from the intruders by a wire fence but spent the rest of the day marching up and down the fence and glaring angrily at the offenders. I just know that in his chicken brain he is devising an elaborate scheme to eke his revenge.

Later that afternoon, Bubble and Squeak were delivered. Bubble and Squeak are a pair of ducks that belonged to a family who had bought them as pets when they were cute fluffy yellow ducklings. Their swimming pool had been reduced to a poop-infested duck playground and the honeymoon was over. Nolene, the wife phoned me in desperation on recommendation of Theresa (my new best friend! *teeth gritted*) because her husband was about to release them at the local public lake, knowing full well that they were likely to be captured and served up as lunch the same day. I was told that B & S were a pair but when they arrived I quickly determined that it was just as well their names were unisex. This affectionate pair are both female!

Unfortunately roosters don't go for ducks (Just as well or we would land up with Dusters!) and so I still have the problem with segregation of the various creatures. To those of you who don't know this, Apartheid is alive and well and being practiced at Chanti's farmyard here in sunny South Africa. It's right wing vs left wing again and may the breast man win!

About world peace! How can I even think about world peace when I cannot keep the peace in my own farmyard?
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I know I know, this is not technically a short story. It is one of a series of light-hearted stories I have written about my chickens. I am not a country bumpkin in the true sense of the word. I run my own business, am a director of a charity and do editorial work for a magazine. I live on a beautiful lavendar farm and on a whim decided I wanted an animal farmyard. I am crazy about animals and devoured James Herriot and Gerald Durrel books as I was growing up. I hike and love being out in the wild among wild animals but my own little farmyard offers much material for my writing. I hope you enjoyed this.

Chanti
The Brit writing out of South Africa

(I do write serious too and will post something soon. Just thought I would come out of the gate with a light one)

Sneaky

Rofl! More plz

Lily

Chanti, this is hilarious! The imagery was quite vivid- I can just imagine a rooster named Nero strutting around the way you described him . . . the name is just wonderful! I can't wait to read more of your work The only problem I found was that you didn't mention anything else about turkin . . . It reminds me of a dish that I heard about last Thanksgiving that I believe is a chicken stuffed inside a turkey with a duck stuffed inside somewhere too . . . I forgot what they called it though. There was a New York Times article about it . . . it was quite amusing! Ahem . . . I do believe I'm babbling now, so I think I'll go away . . .

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Insufferable Know-it-all.

The Admiral

Haha, very funny. This really is alot funnier than what generally passes for funny in the other communities I'm a member of. :p

Chanti

Thanks all! I am so glad you enjoyed this story and may consider submitting more in this vein. I am working on a story about Beebeep the turkin. Imagine a chicken perched on turkey legs with a small turkey head and you have Beepeep down pat. He is stoopid but boy is he fast! The funniest thing is to watch him pelting along at full tonk only to find a tree in his path and to leap with fright at it. I REALLY do have strange animals! Thanks again for all the feedback. You are a great bunch!
Chanti

Just sose you nose, 'pelting along full tonk' is lingo for moving at great speed.

Lily

Chanti, as I said before- this is excellent. I've thought of an idea on how you can turn this into a short story. One thing that you can do is you can use the chickens as a metaphor for the Afrikaner, the English, and the native Africans . . . I know there's an excellent story that uses animals versus human beings to illustrate this particular issue- it's called Gentleman of the Jungle, though to be completely honest, I'm not sure who the author is- I'll have to look that up. Good work and good luck!

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Insufferable Know-it-all.

Sneaky

Another would be Animal Farm