Untitled........was submitted at writing workshop..396 words - Writers Forum

modified7 · 06-19-2003, 02:03 AM

Would appreciate your opinions......the criteria for this was it had to involve some form of romance or love between two people, and I chose to pursue it through impending death. I think 2-3 pages was the requirement, anyways let me know what you think..... Keith

They were sorry, they had said, but there was nothing they could do. There were no medicines, no surgery to save him. Two months at best. At age 37, they sent him home to die.

As the steely gray dawn approached, Tom awoke to see his Helen asleep in the chair beside his bed. Sleep had been a rare commodity for her lately, and he was careful not to move, (as if he could), so as not to wake her. His strength had left him days ago, and since the fateful prognosis that interrupted their lives the sun had set 67 times.

Something felt different today, he couldn't put his finger on it, but it lingered there, just below the surface. If death came calling, he was prepared. As he watched her sleep, her long auburn hair spilling down both sides of her, he felt a peaceful calm rush over him. He knew there was nothing left unsaid between them, they had loved more in their nine years together than most do in a lifetime. There were no doubts, nothing to question. He longed to hold her close one more time,for all time....he slipped off again to sleep.

Almost as quickly as he fell asleep for the final time, Helen awoke in her chair. Quickly glancing at Tom, she smiled as she saw him breathe deeply in and out.

Outside, she could hear the autumn wind gather muster, as the trees lazily swayed back and forth. Something felt different today, and it scared her. She gathered her quilt around her, and climbed into bed with him, laying her head next to his chest. Gently gliding her hand against his cheek, she listened to his heartbeat, hanging on every one of them.

Her thoughts were of this man who had been more than she could have ever hoped for. They always said they were made for each other, and the sobering reality of life without him hurt beyond measure. She was ashamed of herself for this selfish pity, and thoughts of his reassurances put a smile on her face as the tears rolled down her cheek. She now knew that her memories of his love, of their precious love, would sustain her through all times.
As they lay there in the dawn, with the leaves floating to the ground outside their bedroom window, life escaped him........

Kimberly Bird · 06-22-2003, 07:47 PM

Hi Kieth, well that broke my heart. Your reference to the feel of death coming in quiet but there was really good something many people feel before they pass this life.

Thank you for sharing that.

Kimberly

modified7 · 06-25-2003, 02:14 AM

Kimberly,
Thanks for your words...... sorry about your heart! Keith

**Penelope** · 07-07-2003, 03:07 PM

This is very well written. An acceptance of the inevitable. A sigh and it's gone. Really well done!

modified7 · 07-10-2003, 01:49 AM

Thanks Penelope for reading it............ Keith

LivingFaith · 07-16-2003, 12:21 AM

Wow!, what a read. Great Job!
Thanks!!

modified7 · 07-17-2003, 02:02 AM

Living Faith,
Thanks for reading........glad you enjoyed it! Keith

crazylegs · 07-18-2003, 05:28 AM

I agree with all the comments - a beautiful piece of writing that really touched me.

modified7 · 07-23-2003, 03:02 AM

Crazylegs....... comments like yours is why we write, you couldn't have said anything that would mean more than just what you said...thanks Keith

kinetickyle · 07-27-2003, 02:39 AM

Man, I think I'm gonna kill myself. No, I'm not, but that was one of the saddest pieces I think I've ever read. You did a great job of sucking me in and conveying the emotion with no wasted words. When I set out to write something short and direct, it usually blossoms into several pages. You just did what I am constantly trying to do. Your lean prose, the maximum result with minimal words, reminds me of Hemingway. Very well done.

modified7 · 07-28-2003, 02:43 AM

Kinetickyle,
I am from a small town in Piggott,Arkansas originally. As a coincidence to your reply..... Ernest Hemingway's second wife, Pauline, is also from that town and he spent lots of time there. He wrote the majority of "A Farewell to Arms" in that town and I have been a big fan of his since childhood. Suffice it to say that your comments are, for me, held in high regard......thanks Keith