Beg Me - Writers Forum

free_mind_7 · 06-08-2003, 10:10 PM

This is my first attempt at writing a short story (very short indeed). i'm not sure exactly how it will look to a reader other than me so please be open with any criticism. thank you in advance -FM7

"Beg Me"

At one point in time an acquaintance of mine, one whom I entrusted much of my emotion and thought in, made a statement to me, which stirred up many thoughts and emotions. His words were: "I want to kill something...I want to have something beg me for mercy" And with that simply complex statement, my mind began to wander.

Part of me, the part molded and polluted by society made me question his words. I wanted to take his statement as a strange way to get my attention. He often would string out odd, questionable phrases, trying to catch me off guard and make me wonder. These attempts were incessantly futile. I knew him far too well for such trickery to be successful. Other ways to categorize his off taste statement came to mind as I pondered his words. Could it be a momentary fit of rage that made him say these cruel things? Quite possibly so. He had a trend of saying things out of pure emotion. This habit of his lost him a great deal of respect in my eyes, however never losing my friendship entirely. The reasonings which society has set for making such a ludicrous statement soon lost their importance to me.

The other part of me, the part untouchable by the mandates of our civilization, yearned to sympathize entirely with his desires. To share his feelings on the matter did not phase me the slightest. I have often thought about such things as being in the position of a god-like power. To have control over the very human life which one shares, would be the ultimate erotic pleasure to any man, should the opportunity to experience it present itself. At the same time I feel that there is a necessary venue for this feeling to be pleasurable. In the instance that a man must kill for survival, as in war, taking a life would fail to be a fulfilling experience. It must be by free will that a man should choose to play with the power over life and death. Without this free will, what would be the pleasure in doing anything for pleasure's sake at all?

The pondering of my position on this acquaintance's want for such a place of power returned to me many times since the day that I first heard his words. Now I have a great deal of time to ponder and wonder about other things that may be of concern to me in some way. The penitentiary allows a great deal of time to wonder about such great questions in life. However, with all this time available now, I no longer needed to use it thinking about what his words meant, or why a human would be driven to be in the position to kill. Or maybe even to speculate why I sympathized with his feelings. Even though the feeling was more erotic than anything I have ever dreamed of experiencing, I shall never feel that feeling again, at least not in here. Perhaps someday one might feel the immense pleasure I felt, while taking me from this world. To him I say that he has the opportunity to unlock one of the greatest satisfactions the human body can experience. I applaud his ability to find himself in such an opportune situation. Take me, for I have nothing left to live for.

Kimberly Bird · 06-09-2003, 03:42 PM

Hi free mind, well that was scary, repulsive, and intense. I've oftened pondered what makes a person step over that invisible line of civilty, and sometimes I have tried to envision what killers are thinking but soon find myself backing away. I prefer the happy endings, sap that I am.

I thought you did a great job of portraying the thoughts of a killer.

Thanks for sharing.

Kimberly

Jukeboxhero · 06-09-2003, 05:13 PM

I liked it FM7 although unlike KB I curiously wasn't phased by it.
I could in someway like your character sympathize with the thought.

Whoops looks like state pen for me

Kimberly Bird · 06-09-2003, 05:50 PM

Jukebox, your statement is healthy because if we all thought alike wouldn't books be boring to read.

Free mind did make me feel, albiet uncomfortable feelings, but feelings nonetheless and that's good writing. I'm trying to think what catagory this would fall under, mystery, drama? Or if Free mind decides to carry on maybe a good creepy horror.

Bye for now

Kimberly

Chrispian · 06-09-2003, 10:46 PM

I have to say, this is very well done. I saw the last paragraph coming, just a little, but still very, very good. Like Kimberly pointed out, it's a excellent look at what someone might have been thinking when they crossed that line. Nice work.

free_mind_7 · 06-09-2003, 11:00 PM

thanx chrispian. yeah it is kinda predictable but it was fun to write. thanx for checkin it out. i appreciate it.

rcallaci · 06-10-2003, 07:31 PM

Excellent first try. A disturbing glimpse into the mind of a sadistic killer. They take erotic pleasure in the pain and suffering of their victom and for their climax , it's death for the unlucky one. You deftly touched on these issues. Your story also brought me to my own memories of the horror of war and the pain and heartbreak in taking a human life, not a pleasurable thing to do indeed! Excelleant writing.

Warm Regards,
Bob

free_mind_7 · 06-10-2003, 07:39 PM

well thank you bob. im glad that i could produce soemthign that brings such a positive response. truly sorry that you have to remember such horrors of war, of course. but glad to stir emotion none the less. thanx.

justmitina · 06-18-2003, 09:01 PM

My wife read this this afternoon and told me about it so i had to find it and check it out. Very thought provoking. I would say keep going with it but you know it will kill the whole short story appeal. Good work other wise.

Mike