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Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4
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Cat Eye Stirfry
Warning: Graphic and explicit sexual scenes. Explicit drug use.
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Goodnight, bon nuît, oyasuminasai.
It wasn’t night, no, not quite yet. The sun and her mistress Darkness coupled valiantly on the horizon. Till drunk on the brink of orgasm, the sunlight sputtered and painted furious red come across the fiery sky. My hand lay bathed in the glow of the climax, blotched red and bloated orange. Vacantly, I stared at it, flexing and stretching the sinews. It didn’t seem to be my hand anymore, nor anything living with fresh hemoglobin pumping through it, but the stone cold, formaldehyde - soaked apparatus of a corpse. How did the corpse come to his death? Was it a timely, tranquil suicide or a slowly suffocating malignant growth?
“He’s alive.” Voice number one, male, young. I realized that he was touching the hand, my hand, checking for a pulse. Giggles rose like bubbles to the surface as the dancing girls and boys of the far wall swirled in their bloody sunsets and the sounding horns. A pulsating beat came from somewhere, sending the entire room deep reverberations.
“Come on, Taylor, rise and shine.” Harper and his red - lacquered mouth descended onto mine as he writhed to crawl beneath the rough sheets. His small hand grasped my cock, begging for any cock, any erection. The stench of vomit, Bacardi, and stale smoke wafted off of him whilst I struggled not to vomit. Stirring, I groaned, waiting for something to save me from this sudden wakefulness. Harper giggled again, dragging his rough nails down my balls. My teeth sank into his lip, feeling him yelp and try to pull away as he choked on the mixture of blood and saliva. Laughter sounded from Jakob on the floor, tripping the stupid drummer and shoving his cock into the stoned mouth.
“Taaayyyyyylllllllllorrr,” drawled Jon with his desperate, wild eyes, “let’s go smoke up. C’mon.” My head swum and felt the sudden rising tsunami in my throat. Don’t puke, don’t puke. Bathroom, those five feet of forever, as I crawled over sweaty, humping bodies and the sprawling Israel.
Daniel was in there, his thick cock shooting arching streams of yellow piss into the air. As some hit the toilet, he let out a large whoop. Vomit rose unbidden into my mouth, I spun for the bathtub, feeling and half-enjoying the cold sweat at the nape of my neck.
When I came out, Harper was passed out on the futon and Jon furiously jacking off into a potted plant. Israel watched me from the kitchen, bare-chested and hair wild, placidly smoking. The sweet clove scent rose to mingle and dance erotically in the air.
“I hate this.”
All he could do was nod.
knees give out / we sink to the ground
“I don’t know why you buy this shit,” I spoke, “It’s just overpriced Cheerios.” A laugh from the dark haired boy next to me sounded and he playfully smacked me with the Kashi box. Rolling the window down, I lit another Salem Light, inhaling deeply on the first drag. Looking over at Harper, he leaned back thoughtfully.
“Why do we do this, Tay?” His brow furrowed as he frowned. Such a sad expression, those woeful dark eyes turning inward as if he blamed himself. When he pouted, I wanted to cry, to let the rain wash down and paint him in silver teardrops from the sky. Droplets, droplets. “We have everything offered to us and all we do is waste it on parties and drugs.” He was the strangest of us all, this little philosopher boy. Academia in the midst of the swirl of artistry. Our symphony of chemical paraphernalia continued and he struck a chord out of tune with us all. “Maybe we’re just bored, nothing to seek…”
I wasn’t listening but just hearing him speak. Words dropped out and splashed on the pavement, slapping, trying to make anyone listen to them. If we did listen, what good would it do us anyway? We don’t speak the same language words do.
His mouth worked like a goldfish, gawp, gawp. Opening and closing, opening and closing. Such voluptuous lips, red and chapped, such white teeth. I wanted to fuck that mouth suddenly, hard, watch my rigid cock violate that perpetually sad face, disappearing and reappearing slick and glistening with her jelly saliva. He nips at my cock and gags as I fuck him deeper, choking him. I slap his face, watching the head jerk, coming in that fierce orgasm at the sight of that angry welt on his face. Thick, white ropes of come spurted and surrounded him, tying him to the bed till Ragnarok. Little sperm swimming with laughing heads pointing at him, him. I wiped my brow and left, not knowing if he were dead or alive.
“It’s like Iggy Pop said, 1969, another year with nothing to do…” Jesus fucking Christ, was this guy still talking? His eyes glitter, calling me Bunny, hugging me and leaving traces of his cloying perfume.
The kitchen is spotless when I finally stumble into it, dragging the cupboards open beneath the sink. Clorox, Lysol, bleach, Windex…I rattle their names off like a rosary.
A clear bag is tossed before my face and true to form, Roxy stands there, a vision of trash herself, complete with matching rag and a lace and leather teddy.
“Will you put it on my back?” Roxy drawled, stretched languidly on the sofa in nothing but her lingerie. Running my hands across her smooth, brown shoulders, I smooth the lotion into the tinged skin. She hates to be seen as she was born and so she bleaches her teeth and stains her skin. Birds chirp at the feeder just outside the window, pecking violently at each other for the meager supply of food with deadly sharp beaks. Roxy laughed. I winced, her laugh was as harsh as nails sharpening. Her pudgy finger pointed and my eyes obediently followed to the fight staged by the robins.
One robin stood alone, gouged and left to die by the victor. Its voice chanted in my head, singing the concertos of martyrdom. One robin, one eye…. I stared at that empty socket. Only the hollowed out cove of it now, nothing to fill it, like our souls and what we keep searching for.
You’re that bird, Taylor, we all are. We’ve only got one eye and blood’s streaming from the other.
“No eye.” I whispered, breath moist on his skin. The grating laugh sounded and repeated, “No eye.” My fingers tightened into knots on Roxy’s skin, pulling and drawing sharp barks of pain. What happened to the eye? Is it being eaten now by the worms?
Pushing the satanic woman now to the bed, I delved between her supple thighs and sought for the missing eye between those shapely legs.
our words that have no language
Shotglasses lay crushed on the floor like slivers of forgotten diamond dust. Lei and Meisuke, the little Korean slut twins had spilt Adoral all over the counter and proclaimed it to be a party. The Doors floated in the beer - colored mists of air, decorated by piles of empty, glistening Bacardi fifths. Jon screamed political obscenities in tune to the throb of the drums. Meisuke lay moaning draped on the counter, Lei’s mouth fixed to her pink rosebud nipples and Jakob’s hand slithering the dark corners of her hot pussy.
“Hey man, take a toke.” A generous offer. I threaded the joint through my fingers and inhaled deeply, savouring and deliciously loathing that distinct burning at the back of my throat.
“You been real quiet, man.” Jakob muttered in his stoned stupour, “like you was goin’ straight on us.”
A laugh echoed from my throat. Me, going straight? I’m the great Taylor, the most hardcore of all!
Or I’d used to be.
“Just been thinking a lot, that’s all.”
“Hmph.”
Kashmir blazed out over the speakers, system pounding, heads spinning, heartbeats meshing with the rhythm until our souls were the song itself. In the dancing strobelight , Lei rode Jon’s thick shaft as Daniel approached, smeared a greasy wad of butter over her jiggling ass and plunged his cock in. Lei’s piercing screams echoed across our friendly plaster walls whilst the invading, conquering object ripped her flesh, crimson blood spilling to kiss the yellowed floor. Harder and harder Jon began to ride her. I felt the familiar bile rising and rushed for the toilet, dodging the gyrating bodies swarming the room. My heard nearly smashed against the porcelain as I heaved, seeing lunch reappear through watery eyes and tango in the swirling bowl. My knees gave out and I sank to the floor. Framed by a halo of light, Israel’s intense stare floated somewhere above me.
“Come on.” The velvety voice intoned. So hypnotic, I couldn’t help but follow.
there must be a thousand things you would die for
In Israel’s small, powerful hands, a glass bottle shone. The yellow light of the candle danced erotically on the curvature of the surface, entrancing me with its’ geometric shapes, its writhing gypsies. Satisfied, Israel held the thin needle and blew on it, watching with dark eyes as the wind tunneled through the miniscule hole, demonstrating that it was open and euphoria was to come.
“Have you done this before?”
I shook my head and clenched my fist as he gently tied a tourniquet to my arm, his beautiful, poetic, calloused fingers kneading the flesh softly and seeing a thick, blue vein yield.
Smack. It threaded up into the syringe, that mirror-like river, under the coaxing of his practiced hand. Alcohol – doused cotton swabbed my arm roughly, promising to chafe before long.
The needle punctured and blood washed from my face and drew thinly into the syringe. Israel pushed the end in, sending the potent mixture of blood and heroin into my willing, fighting body.
My back caved against a wall as the drug raced through my heart. Upon the distant wail, crashing waves of ethereality began and swept me away in their embrace.
“You’ve a good dose.” That dark voice of his said, his hands diving inside his pockets. White powder.
White powder, like sand… sand’s like dirt, where that bird’s eye lay somewhere. Lyrics came but no one was singing. Forks and knives danced foxtrots on countertops and I wondered what they’d feel like upon diving into my skin. I couldn’t die. Surgeons operated everyday, cut people open, let their guts hang out, and no one died. I would like to see my heart. Watch it beat. See my lungs. Watch them breathe. If you don’t – can you ever be sure you’re truly human? Truly alive? Even brains get put on display, that spongy tofu tissue. How do they taste? I’d like to meet a cannibal – to ask them how we taste. Perhaps like chicken.
A drunken Harper stumbled and kissed me. I bit his lip and tasted his blood.
in which you act surreal, and I just want you to be real
“You’ve been fucking weird lately, Tay.” Roxy spoke, drinking swiftly from a virescent bottle of Perrier. Her lips wrapped around it, throat muscles working roughly to drain it. Oddly enough, I thought then that perhaps that bottle had a soul and she was swallowing it whole.
“Oh?” I arched my brow but did not look up from sifting through the sand. She laughed again, the noxious cunt.
“Yeah, what the hell are you doing anyway?”
“Looking.” I hummed a cartoon song and found no eye. Roxy looked into the sky – she was watching for the eye too – she simply didn’t know it yet.
She shook that tangled head, smoke cascading from the cigarette dangling in her right hand. “You’ve lost it.”
The sound in the winds masked her drone as it hurtled toward the sunset, slicing our faces to tatters as we had the audacity to stand in its way. My heartbeat began to sing.
One eye, two eyes, three eyes, four.
Every beat. That eye haunted me, lived within me, churned itself up in my veins and began to boil. I had to find it – as if I could offer it to the sky and everything would make sense again as it did all those years ago. I could see it in the distance of my memory – gaping and belladonna.
Chasms shook, rocked, clawed to pull me inward, to swallow me whole. My lacquered mouth worked, gasping in shrill cries to the stratosphere. Fury. The clouds shivered and lambadaed, Thor reached down and lay on the ground, his hair spiraling upwards toward heaven in a staircase we’ve all been promised and can never climb. I collapsed and began to moan, feeling the ground shake beneath my body, tossing me around, we all began to fall toward the centre of the earth. I opened my mouth and began to scream. Roxy’s fast hand slapped my cheek.
Curls of hair stuck to my skin in sweat. The sun beat down above as sparrows sang afternoon songs to lovers. Breathe in, breathe out. Roxy’s face appeared in the vacancy above mine, blue –black hair hanging down like the jungle it was. She frowned.
“You are insane.” She spoke, hushed and awed. I sighed, she poured her Perrier on my face.
a moment between now and now
Avril, yongatsu, April, Abril. The catlike Jeep that Harper had bought tore across the sands of the shore. Breathing deeply, I caught the thin, elusive scents of the night air. Curling whispers off the sea kissed our skin and gave us chills.
“I’ve always watched for the first wave, Tay.” He paused, the permanently pensive expression on his pretty face dug it self deeper. “I’ve never understood why we’re here… or what we are.”
“Maybe you’re looking for an answer that doesn’t exist.” Lonely eyes watched arching seagulls soar and dip into the foam. Minutes passed in perfect silence and stretched into something like hours. A small corner peaked at his mouth and coy brown eyes turned, mischief in them.
“Like you, Tay? What is it that you’re always looking for?”
Sands swirled and surfs crashed… Neptune rose up from the whitecaps, a plate of scrambled eyes in each hand.
“Nothing… “ I muttered, “but an eye in the sand.”
He cocked his head to the side but didn’t inquire further. Maybe he knew already – perhaps that very same half – blind robin had visited his dreams as well, offering a promise of everything we search for if you could only find that lost eye.
“Sometimes, I think maybe you’re different from the rest of us. And sometimes, I think I love you.”
I looked up in surprise, but Harper was at the other end of the beach, pale hair cascading through the salty breeze and sifting the white sand through tapered fingertips.
When the gods wish to punish us / they answer our prayers
Israel’s funeral was on a Friday. It was cloudy but the promises of rain never came. That would have pleased Israel, for he’d hated clichés.
He had died that Tuesday morning, not in bed with five girls and three boys, or even with a needle sticking out of his arm. No, he’d died standing in his sage kitchen while making a pot of coffee. The doctors had called it heart failure.
The tears were bittersweet and shortlived. Death didn’t seem to affect us anymore, no matter how closely it hit. Invincible. None thought it could happen to them. Could I die? Before finding that elusive eye? Before gaining everything I’d been striving for?
Israel had often said he’d rather be dead – I guess someone had finally listened.
Afternoon sunlight cascaded into the house, bouncing off walls and cheap ornate mirrors. Roxy lay sleeping on the threadbare sofa, chipped red nail polish on her hands and Junky by her side. Smart girl. I don’t know what she was doing here with us.
The doorbell rang.
Four steps. That’s all it took from the kitchen to the door.
I opened it lazily, and found no one there. Sighing, I began to shut the door when something caught my eye.
A dead cat lie on the doormat. Grey fur matted with blood, eyes bulging and rolling in their sockets. Carefully, I picked it up. The light caught its vacant eyes and flashed green.
god is god and you are yourself
“Hello?”
“Taylor?”
“Speaking. Who’s this?”
“Harper.”
“Oh… hey.”
“Sorry.”
“………….”
“For the other day, at the beach. For telling you I loved you. You weren’t ready.”
“S’alright…I think….I think I might love you too.”
“ Oh…. So where do we go from here?”
“Home.”
“Home?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s that?”
“Wherever we find the eye, Harper… Whereever we stop looking.”
There was a pause on the other end.
“Eye?”
“It’s everything… Everything we’re missing…”
“Are you my eye, then, Taylor?”
“Are you mine?”
“I can only hope so.”
“You’re beautiful, Harper.”
“No, just a part of you.”
what happens to that road you don’t take?
“Why won’t you touch me?” Cadences of whispers danced past my ears. I looked and caught Harper’s sepia eyes, locking mine with his own and heating a beacon between us.
“I’m afraid…”
“Shhh” He whispered, taking my hand and setting it on the side of his oval face. “You won’t hurt me, I promise.”
I nodded and he kissed my nose. Slowly, sweetly, with the sunlight behind us and shadows before, I lowered my lips to his. He arched up into the kiss, parting his lips slightly, darting his tongue.
Magic. Electric. I walked into his soul and Ibis stood at the door, Ra’s eye waiting patiently in her hands.
He gasped as we parted. “Stay the night.” Sweet pleading.
I shook my head. “Not right away. I want you to be different.”
His kissed my palm and I left him staring at the sun.
in the end / we wind up lying on the floor
“Come out and party with us.” Ryu called. I shook my head, smiled and turned back to the recipe book. No. I was busy; I was going to take back that which I’d lost lately. The power of the eye. Maybe I could find something in this small ritual. Maybe I’d find Harper.
When I was younger, there’d been a superstition about evil eyes, if they cursed you, you could eat them to remove the curse and obtain their wisdom. Why not try it now? What could I lose?
The question was preparation. I wasn’t sure how cat eyes tasted, so I was going to wing the recipe. Everything was good in a stirfry – yes, a little teriyaki, some bok choy, water chestnuts, carrots, sugar peas… Saliva collected in my mouth.
I turned the heat up on the stove and placed a pan atop it . Soon, haphazardly chopped vegetables were strewn across, teriyaki decorated the bottom. My red – stained hand dropped the two shining globes into the pan with a satisfying sizzle and watched them fry.
There they were – twin spheres of knowledge and power, and everything I was and ever should be. Was I any different than they? Ripped from my purpose, my reason, about to be devoured. I thought of Harper - of his delicate profile, pleading eyes… I smiled.
Wouldn’t he be beautiful to bed?
Absentmindedly, I fished an eyeball from the stew and popped it into my mouth. Revolt overcame me, swirls of disgust; a loud choking sound filled the room.
Everything went black.
Ash is all they have left and scream is all we can do
The funeral was on a Monday and the sun shined the entire day
__________________
And so there was probing. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.
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