aubie84

"Did you see that?”

“What?”

“Her!”

I raised up slightly in my lounge chair, pushed my sunglasses to the end of my nose and looked over at my brother, who was nodding toward the shoreline. I looked in the direction of his nod.

This is why I love the beach, I thought.

Walking along the shore, just inside the line of the tide’s farthest inland thrust, was a woman, blonde, bronze and shapely in a very tiny white bikini. She stopped, fully extending a luscious leg, drawing circles in the sand with a ballerina’s pointed toe.

“Keeeeeeviiiiiiiiinnn!”

Her voice brought me back to my wedded reality.

“Kevin?”

She was closer now. I could hear the sugary white sand crunching under her feet as she approached me from behind. I pushed my sunglasses back on my nose and settled back in the lounge chair.

“Yes, honey?”

“Are you going to come inside? You’re gonna get burned, you know.”

“In a while, honey. Me and Mike are talking.”

I heard Mike, my older brother, chuckle.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh, I thought. But when you’re wife prances her not-ready-for-a-two-piece-in-public fanny out here, who’ll be laughing then?

“Kevin, don’t drink too much,” my wife added, her voice acidic with accusation.

Too late, I thought.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’ve only had a few.”

Twelve qualifies as “a few,” right?

“Okay. Well, I’m going back in. We’ll need to get ready for eating soon. If you get burned, it’s your fault. I reserve the right to say I told you so.”

“Yes, honey. If I get burned, you have that right.”

I heard the sand crunching again as she left me to the sun and the scenery.

For years my extended family has been coming to the beach as one happy unit, which, for the most part, we are. For years my brother and I have relished our time alone to enjoy a few beers, talk football and fishing and ogle the tanned female bodies that be-bop the beach. Our wives knew the drill. And, what’s more, they knew we were totally harmless. Avowed dieters at this sand-and-sun buffet.

“Kevin?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“What’s that, bro?”

“It’s sorta serious. I may be in trouble.”

I looked over at my brother, a rather handsome man in his mid forties. Fit and trim, his time in the sun kept by the cocoa-brown of his skin and the blonde in his otherwise brown hair.

He never looked at me. Just stared skyward through his shades.

“I’m having an affair, man.”

“WHAT?”

“I don’t know how it got started, really. It just kinda did. She’s everything Rita’s not. She’s only 23.”

Finally, he took off his shades and turned toward me. For the first time I noticed the wrinkling around his eyes, bloodshot from the beer. He looked older than ever before.

My brother kept talking, the words spilling out. I knew I was the first he’d told.

“The sex is incredible, but it’s not about that. She makes me feel, man, know what I mean? My life had come to the point where everything was so planned, there was no spontaneity. And she changed all that. So it’s not all about sex. I know that’s what you think, but it’s not.”

Was he trying to convince himself?

“Who is she?”

“Just a girl.”

“Just a girl?!? You’re risking a twenty-year marriage and she’s just a girl? A girl that makes you feel, granted, but just a girl? Are you freakin’ nuts?”

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“Mike, I love you. You’re my brother, my only brother. And I want your happiness. But I know you love Rita and that you’d never hurt your kids. You sure this isn’t just some infatuation?”

He put his sunglasses back on and settled back into the chair. He reached for the beer he’d been sipping and took a long, slow, gulping draw.

“It just happened.”

I thought about that for a minute. How, I wondered, does an affair just happen? Are there attractions so strong that reason is ripped away, stripping us of all but base desire?

I looked at my brother. I had always envied his good looks and his better physique. I’d always had to struggle to measure up, intellectually, athletically --- in every way. He’d always been my mentor.

And I his willing apprentice.

I got up, grabbed my blanket, my warm beer and my sunscreen and headed inside, walking through the hot sand toward the condo.

“Where you going? There’s still a few beers left!”

“Inside. I don’t want to get burned.”

phoenix-chan

I like the writing style of this piece, it fits for most of it. Easy - going, not overly - descriptive, it bounces along nicely for a nagging wife and a drink on the beach.
I think it may benefit if you included some insight into the protagonist and maybe what went on in his head slightly before and while his brother was talking about the affair. Perhaps a brief bit on his views on marriage. I really like the last line but it seems as though it ends too quickly.
All in all, beautiful job.

- Roxy.

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And so there was probing. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

aubie84

Roxy,

First off, thanks for the review. I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to give me any feedback on anything I've posted. I'm glad that, "all in all," you liked it and I appreciate your comments.

I think your comments about a bit more information on Kevin's marriage views is legitimate. What I tried to show in Kevin was his belief that, despite the natural tendency to admire beauty in the opposite sex and a superficial irritation at the nagging of the wife (or whatever small idiosyncracies she might have), the commitment to a marriage is a meaningful one. But I wanted it to be quick and "light" and, hopefully, sharp. That's what I was after, anyway. Though, perhaps, as you recommended, I should revisit the piece with more detail.

Thanks again!

David

Anonymous

David,

that was a beautiful piece of sudden fiction. Attention grabbing and socially thought provoking. You can read a hundred different views into it. Why have an affair? Who do you tell? What led up to the circumstances? How did the little bro come to realize he stopped living, and needed to feel. Where did the adventure of life go? You could think about this piece for a while, and not figure everything out...

I enjoyed that a lot. If you revisit the piece, I would want to know - like Roxy - more about Kevin. I would also like to know more about Mike, even though the focus is primarily on Kevin.

Nice -
Skakig

Bartleby

David~


I really enjoyed reading this piece. The dialogue was natural and believable. The characterizations weren't forced in any way, making them more and more believeable. Adding a bit of interior monologue from Kevin would be nice, but is not necessary. You drove your point home, without being didactic or preachy.

It's nice to see some amatuer talent from the home state keep em coming.

__________________
~ Adventure, Excitement, a Jedi craves not these things. - Silent Bob

amie

David,
I really enjoyed your piece, but I feel like I'd like more. This could work nicely as a short story (reminded me for no apparent reason of Salinger's "Banana Fish"), but as it stands, I would see it as the beginning of a longer work.
The final decision of the character to go inside and head the words of his wife did not seem likely to me with the information you gave. I think on revision if you just strengthen what the reader knows about Kevin (show more strongly the contrasting drinking/appreciation of women other than is wife and the respect for marriage and his wife), the story will be very successful.

nice work!
- amie -

modified7

Nice story......... as mentioned above you can take different views on what was going on.
As far as the last line in the story, I think it fits for me not because he is doing as his wife dictated, but instead speaks metaphorically saying to his brother that he doesn't approve of the affair no matter what and to stay in his company listening to his reasoning he might eventually be swayed into agreeing with him and ultimately getting "burned" himself!
But that is just my take on it........... Keith

mattquarterstein

Oh, all of your comments are so intellectual. Mines gonna sound dumb.

David, I really like the way you described the beach. There's a lot of different types of beaches in the world, and after a paragraph or so I knew just the type you were talking about.

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