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Thread: Angels High Part One

  1. #1
    Best Seller Dudester's Avatar
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    Angels High Part One

    The following characters and content are copyrighted and remain the property of the author. All rights remain to the author.

    I wrote this several years ago, inspired by a beautiful Russian model. If you like, I'll post the rest.

    Name:  head shot.jpg
Views: 126
Size:  95.6 KBFADE IN:
    1. Roll opening credits while images of a flying and swooping eagle are shown. ABBA's Eagle plays. Just as credits end SUPERIMPOSE
    For Arnie & Pat Heth
    FADE IN:

    2. EXT. A FRENCH CHATEAU
    As dawn breaks on a two story chateau, we see the building from a distance, and then closer until we are nearly upon it.
    CUT TO:

    3. INT. DINING ROOM
    Six pilots, in World War I pilot uniforms are gathered around a breakfast table as they eat. They are young men, in their early 20's. A middle aged woman, carrying a large empty serving plate, disappears through a door to a kitchen. Through another door, a beautiful teenage girl, also in a pilot's uniform, walks in the room. All but one of the men look up at her and stare.
    LIA
    Good morning everyone.

    She notices the stares and becomes bothered by it. She turns to the one pilot who doesn't stare and asks him in FRENCH.
    He answers her in FRENCH (subtitled).
    LIA
    Why do they still stare?


    STEVE
    Because they can't accept that
    someone as beautiful as you
    can outfly and outfight them.
    LIA
    Well, they need to get used to it.
    As she sits down at the table to an open seat next to Steve, she takes helpings from serving trays of food in the middle of the table. The middle aged woman returns to the room, carrying a platter of toast. In FRENCH she addresses Lia. Lia answers in FRENCH
    (subtitled).
    SERVANT WOMAN
    Good Morning Princess

    LIA
    Good morning. How
    are you today?


    SERVANT WOMAN
    Very well thank you.
    CUT TO:
    4. INT. HANGAR DAY
    The pilots are gathered, in a semi circle, in a hangar with open doors. A Commander is standing next to a map on an easel. The map shows a river bisecting the map. A pair of red arrows are pointing down above the river and one arrow, below the river points up. He is addressing the pilots.

    COMMANDER
    The Germans have a push on
    near the river Senne. French troops,
    in column, are moving up to meet them.
    A telegraph, arriving minutes ago,
    said that the Germans are sending up
    plane
    s to counter the column. Your mission
    is to provide cover. Get going and good luck.

    The pilots break into groups of two and three and head in different directions. Lia and Steve, noticeably, walk off together. One pilot addresses another.

    Pilot 1
    Remind me again why she's here.

    Pilot 2
    One morning while Anderson was warming
    up his plane, she suddenly appeared
    and jumped in his plane. Before
    anyone could
    stop her, she took off.
    She took his plane on an
    excellent
    shakedown flight. When she landed,
    a guard
    tried to arrest her. She gave
    him a real thrashing
    . The Commander
    was so impressed that he let her stay.

    Pilot 1
    A real tomcat, huh?

    Pilot 2
    She has four kills.

    CUT TO:
    5. EXT. AIRFIELD DAY
    Seven biplanes rev up and head down the runway. They lift off of the ground and take to the sky. As the earth falls away, the planes dissolve into the same groups of two and three as the pilots walking on the ground. Steve and Lia take the left edge of the formation. Shortly, the scorched earth of the combat area appears beneath them. The pilots start looking above and around them. Suddenly, a formation of German planes appear.
    The formations become chaotic as planes fly and swoop in every direction. As Steve peels off to the left, Lia stays right on his wing. A German plane gets on Steve's tail. In tandem, Steve and Lia pull a counter clockwise loop. The German plane peels off and doesn't attempt to engage them. Coming out of the loop, they spot a German plane following a plane from their squadron. Steve gets a bead on the plane and fires off a burst with his MACHINE GUN. The German plane bursts into flame and heads for the ground.
    A MACHINE GUN is heard as bullets then rip across Lia's plane, behind her seat, from left to right. Lia pulls hard to the right, Steven follows. The German flies past, but instantly finds both Steve and Lia on his tail. Steve fires off a burst with his MACHINE GUN. The German starts to turn to his right. He flies into Lia's line of fire. Lia fires off a long burst with her MACHINE GUN. The German plane blows up. Both Steve and Lia pull up. A German plane dives past, dangerously close. Both Steve and Lia dive after the plane. Steve tries getting a bead on the plane, but it jinks hard left and right Steve anticipates the German's next move and fires a burst, with his MACHINE GUN into the plane. The plane smokes and dives for the ground. Steve looks to his right, but Lia isn't there. Steve looks around and sees Lia above him.
    Her plane is spinning wildly, trying to avoid bullets fired from a red biplane chasing hers. Steve pulls up and heads directly for the red biplane. When he closes the distance, he fires off a burst with his MACHINE GUN. The Red biplane dives directly at him. Steve jinks hard right to avoid the diving German and Lia. Before Steve and Lia can respond, the German pulls hard right and gets on both their tail
    s. Steve goes left and Lia goes right. Steve looks back and sees that the German is coming after him. Steve tries a twirl and jinks to the left and right, but the German is relentless. Steve dives toward the ground and hopes his gamble pays off.
    German troops look up from the trenches and see a pair of biplanes diving at them. First, the troops dive for cover, then they fire CAN
    NONS, RIFLE SHOTS, and MACHINE GUNS sporadically at Steve's plane. Lia pulls up behind the red biplane. She fires a burst with her MACHINE GUN into the plane. Smoke comes from the red plane as it peels off. Steve starts a turn to his right, but a large hole appears in his right lower wing. Steve slows his plane and pulls his goggles off as his plane clears the combat area.
    Steve tries to land his plane, but his wing folds as his plane is just ten feet off the ground. The plane drops and bounces violently off of the ground. His plane then bounces into a tree and comes to a sudden halt. Steve spends a moment shaking off the collision, then he climbs out of the cockpit. Steve hears a plane flying above him. He walks out from under the canopy of the tree and sees that Lia is circling his position. He can tell that she's looking for a place to land. He shakes his head in anger. He looks up.

    STEVE
    No, No.
    Steve then catches motion to his right. Ten German infantrymen are heading in his direction. Steve looks around and realizes that he's on a deserted farm. There's a small house and a wooden barn, but an irrigation ditch runs behind the barn. Steve runs to the irrigation ditch and finds only six inches of water in the bottom. He pulls a .45 caliber revolver from a hip holster and a M1911
    .45 pistol from a shoulder holster.
    He looks above the ditch rim to look at the Germans, which are heading to their right, which is where Lia is landing. Steve turns and bolts through the ditch, in Lia's direction. Two hundred yards down, he stops and looks above the ditch rim. Lia is climbing out of her plane and looking around. Steve climbs out of the ditch and waves his arms. Lia sees him and waves him towards her. He then tries to wave her towards the ditch. She gives him a quizzical look. His gestures become more emphatic. She turns to her left, sees the Germans, then runs toward the ditch at the angle closest to her. The Germans stop and start firing at her. Steve opens up on the Germans. GUNSHOTS are heard as he fires both of his weapons.
    The firefight is brief, but intense, shown in SLOW MOTION. All but one of the Germans go down. Steven takes three hits, one to his right shoulder, left hip, and left thigh, which knocks him on his back. While Steven groans in pain, he sees a German infantryman stand above him. The German cocks his Mauser rifle and points it at Steve's head.

    GERMAN SOLDIER
    Schweinhundt.
    Steve hears a GUNSHOT and sees a large red circle appear in the German's abdomen. The German falls, face first, landing next to Steve. Lia runs up to Steve as she holsters a giant revolver. Lia kneels at Steve's side. Her eyes become watery.

    LIA
    Oh Steve, I'm so sorry,
    so very sorry.
    Lia takes Steve's scarf from around Steve's neck. Taking a pocket knife from her pocket, she cuts the scarf in half. She folds half of the scarf and places it on his chest. She unbuttons his shirt, reaches in, and tucks the folded scarf over his shoulder wound. Steve groans loudly.

    LIA
    I'm sorry. I know it hurts.
    Lia then dresses his hip wound and uses her scarf to wrap his thigh wound. She helps him to a sitting position. Spotting the German's rifle, she places it in his right hand, then maneuvers to his left.
    LIA
    Put your weight on me.
    Let me help you up.
    Lia helps Steve stand up. Lia helps Steve hobble to her plane. The experience drains both of them, making both of them breathe hard. Lia bends over to catch her breath. Steve is leaning against her plane, also breathing hard.

    STEVE
    (in obvious pain)
    Lia ?

    LIA
    Yeah ?

    STEVE
    I....I don't know if....
    Lia, will you marry me ?

    LIA

    (Lia gives him a look of amazement,
    disbelief, and anger.)
    Steve, you're going to make it.

    STEVE
    (annoyed)
    Lia

    LIA

    (Lia sees the look in his eye.
    She knows that he's sincere.)
    If we survive this war, okay ?
    CUT TO:
    6. EXT. AIRFIELD AFTERNOON
    Lia brings her plane in for a landing. Steve is seated under her. He's passed out. She brings her plane to a stop near a hangar. She jumps from the plane, running into the hangar, screaming in FRENCH
    (subtitled).

    LIA

    DOCTOR, NURSE, HELP !!
    A Doctor and Nurse run in her direction.

    LIA

    BRING A STRETCHER, QUICK !!

    Two men in white suits bring a stretcher following the Doctor and Nurse. Lia leads them towards her plane.
    CUT TO:
    6. INT. BEDROOM NIGHT
    Steve is laying in a bed in a darkened room. A hurricane lamp, on a bedside table, is the only light in the room. Lia is seated next to Steve, she is dozing in the chair. Steve makes a sound and stirs. Lia snaps to full alertness.

    LIA
    Steve ?

    Steve groans. Lia leans in and gently strokes his forehead.


    LIA

    Steve ?
    Steve groans again. He opens his eyes and looks at her.

    LIA
    See, I told you that
    you would make it.

    STEVE
    (whispers)
    Thanks.

    LIA
    How do you feel?

    STEVE
    (weakly)
    Thirsty, Hungry

    Lia picks up a pitcher from the bedside table. She pours water into a glass. She leans in and cradles Steve's neck, helping him drink the water. After a couple of gulps she puts the glass on the table and helps lay his head back in the pillow.

    LIA
    Steve, were you serious
    about marriage ?

    STEVE
    Yes

    LIA
    Can you wait until
    after the war ?

    STEVE
    Yes

    Lia leans in and kisses his forehead.

    LIA
    I'll get you some food.

    Lia gets up and walks out of the room.
    FADE TO BLACK
    They call me Spooky, Spooky Mulder. A joke to my peers and an annoyance to my superiors. Whose sister was abducated by aliens when he was a kid, and now runs around with a badge and gun yelling to anyone who is listening that the fix is in and when it hits, it'll be the crapstorm of all time.

  2. #2
    Scripts Moderator vangoghsear's Avatar
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    The only thing I have time to comment on right now is that the action descriptions should be broken up more. This has a lot of "black space" (words). Paragraphs of more than five lines are daunting in a script.

    I haven't read it yet so I won't comment on content yet. No time, but here is what I mean:

    Steve then catches motion to his right. Ten German infantrymen are heading in his direction. Steve looks around and realizes that he's on a deserted farm. There's a small house and a wooden barn, but an irrigation ditch runs behind the barn. Steve runs to the irrigation ditch and finds only six inches of water in the bottom. He pulls a .45 caliber revolver from a hip holster and a M1911 .45 pistol from a shoulder holster.
    He looks above the ditch rim to look at the Germans, which are heading to their right, which is where Lia is landing. Steve turns and bolts through the ditch, in Lia's direction.
    Should be more like:

    Ten German infantrymen head for Steve.

    Steve runs an irrigation ditch behind a small house and a wooden barn.


    EXT. IRRIGATION DITCH - DAY

    Only six inches of water in the bottom!

    He pulls a .45 caliber revolver from a hip holster and a M1911
    .45 pistol from a shoulder holster.

    Germans, are heading towards where Lia is landing.

    He turns and bolts through the ditch, in Lia's direction.



    I'll check out more later.
    "PS: don't take technical advice about cold fusion from someone who can't spell fuzhun."

    http://www.writingforums.com/faq.php...and_guidelines

  3. #3
    Scrivener
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    Hi Dudester, no time of day on scene headings - each character intro should be in upper case then lower case after that - Commander's speech should be more direct and to the point, perhaps - more drama if the commander drops phone on cradle - It's the big push. Gerry and the Frogs will meet here - points to board - Give the frogs cover. 5. ext airfield day - the next few overlong paragraphs could be - Planes dogfight above French/German troops. That's it! Expand on that with main characters. Always separate each character's action. Also what are the planes - Sopwiths - Fokkerwolfs - no cannons just artillery - No upper case in dialogue - some of dialogue towards the end is somewhat clumsy - why would Lia say sorry to Steve? - could 2 adults fit into a cockpit? - doubtful - I just can't get my head around a woman fighter pilot unless it could be explained. Hope this helps?

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