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this is the origonal monologue i posted last week. i have posted it here to so those of you that didn't read it can see the improvement. the latest version is below
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monologue
Woman sits center stage on a Daybed in the bedroom
she is holding a teddy-bear with a box of chocolates next to her
Some people say “he's the love of my life” or “I can't live without him” but they are just exaggerating. I said those things when I was their age but it's not true. When it happened, yes I was upset, and yes I was angry but I learned to live with my feelings and got on with my life.
It was a beautiful sunny day when it happened. We had just got up and we were getting ready to go to the beach. “Tabby,” he called, “ where are you?” at that point I was I the garden, picking some lettuce for the salad we were taking with us. “I'm in the garden dear, wont be a minuet” I replied.
Shortly after, we left for the beach, as I said, it was a beautiful day, the sun was high and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was a scenic drive, going past fields, forests, and stables; then in-front of us there was a perfect horizon, a crystal blue sea with the odd dolphin jumping out of the water. I thought we were in paradise.
As we got closer to the sea the smell of salt water made me rather thirsty
so we stopped off to get a drink and a bite to eat at the local café before taking a long walk across the promenade. While walking, somehow we started talking about life, and who was getting what in our wills. I was so surprised when he brought this subject up as he refused to talk about it any other time, it was odd.
On our walk we found a small semi-closed off part of beach, the sand was golden-brown and felt warm under our feet. It slipped through our toes like a snake, there was not a child in sight and all we could here was the peaceful sound of the waves crashing on the shore line.
We sat down with our salads and sandwiches on our laps and started eating. Soon after, John (that was his name) fell asleep so I got my book out and started reading. I cant for the life of me remember what the book was called but it was about a tomboy that lives with her sisters and longs to be a writer. I believe it was by Louisa May Alcott, little women, thats what it was.
While I was reading I felt the wind pick up so I looked at the sky and saw a big black cloud rolling in, I woke up John and we walked back to the car. The drive back wasn't so scenic, the wind was blowing and it had started raining rather heavily. Then ahead, we saw a man, loose control of his car. He was swerving all over the place, we tried to avoid him but our fate was sealed, then, crash, he hit us.
John and I were both knocked unconscious but I was told a witness phoned an ambulance. When in the hospital, I was treated for minor cuts and bruises, then taken into the family room. I new this meant bad news, I had seen it on television. But I didn't say anything. I was in there for about an hour before I had the strength to ask where John was. They said he had been taken into theater as he had a shard of metal in his side, but they could fix it, but no matter how much the nurses reassured me, I knew he wasn't going to make it.
I don't know why I felt that way, but I did, and I felt horrid for thinking that but as soon as one of the nurses came in the room, with a tear in their eye, I knew I was right. Before she even told me the news I was in tears. Screaming for it to be a lie, for her to have got it wrong then the dreaded words came out of her mouth “ I'm sorry madam, but he didn't make it”
“no, no, this can't be, you said he was going to be fine, you said he was going to make it. You lied to me” I started crying, louder and louder. He was dead, my lovely John, was, dead.
It's been 4 years now, since, he, well passed away. Whenever someone mentions his name, or shows me a photo with him in it, I still teared up. But thats natural.
So here I am telling you my story. Still missing my John. Maybe some day, I will forget the bad time, and only remember the good. But thats not now.
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this is the latest version
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Woman sits center stage on a Daybed in the bedroom
she is holding a teddy-bear with a box of chocolates next to her
Some women, when they’re in love say “I can’t live without him” but isn't it funny how much of an exaggeration that is? I have felt the same way in my life, I’ve said those things. We all have, haven't we? But to say you can’t live without someone just isn't true. When I lost someone, when it happened to me, well of course I was upset. I was devastated. But life goes on and you learn to live with your feelings.
It was a beautiful day, how was I to know it would have such a tragic ending? Having slept through our alarm, we sluggishly made coffee and toast before getting ready for the beach. Every moment of that day is stamped into my memory, with every detail present. While I was out in the garden, collecting lettuce from our vegetable patch to go in our picnic, I heard his soft, loving voice call me.
“Where are you my love?”
I think about all the things I said to him that day. “I’m in the garden dear, I won’t be a minute,” Why did I have to say that? Why didn’t I tell him I loved him, that he'll be mine forever? Not once that day did I tell him I loved him, not once.
Shortly after, we left for the beach, as I said, it was a beautiful day. The sun was high and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The drive up there was picturesque. We drove past fields of wheat and yellow flowers of some kind, some with Horses, and some with sheep. Forests that were in full bloom with the aroma of bluebells in the air. As we got closer to the beach we approached a perfect horizon: a crystal blue sea, and we actually saw dolphins jumping out of the water. I felt like we were in paradise.
As we got closer to the sea, the smell of salt water made me thirsty, so we stopped off at the local café to get a drink before taking a long stroll across the promenade. While walking, we started talking about life. We spoke about how precious and unpredictable it is. The subject of our wills came up. A feeling of irony surrounds me when I think of it now, it’s beyond strange that we had that conversation literally hours before he died. It’s almost like he knew.
We walked for about an hour before we found a small cubbyhole off the main beach, the sand was golden and felt warm under our feet. It slipped through our toes like a snake, there was not a child in sight and all we could hear was the peaceful sound of the white frothy waves crashing on the shore.
We sat down with our salads and sandwiches on our laps and started eating. Soon after, John fell asleep, so I got my book out and started reading. I can’t for the life of me remember what the book was called but it was about a tomboy who lives with her sisters and longs to be a writer. I believe it is by Louisa May Alcott.
While I was reading I felt the wind pick up, so I looked at the sky and saw a big black cloud rolling in, I woke John and we walked back to the car.
The drive back wasn't so scenic, the wind was blowing and it had started raining rather heavily. Then, ahead, we saw a man lose control of his car. He was swerving all over the place, we tried to avoid him but our fate was sealed, then... crash, he hit us.
John and I were both knocked unconscious. I was told sometime later a fellow motorist who witnessed the accident and phoned the ambulance. While in the hospital, I was treated for minor cuts and bruises, then taken into the family room. I knew this meant bad news, I had seen it on television. But I didn't say anything, I was too scared.
Takes chocolate
I was in there for over an hour before I had the strength of will to ask where John was. They said he had been taken into theater because there was a shard of metal in his side, but they could fix it. No matter how much the nurses reassured me, I knew he wasn't going to make it, I don't know why I felt that way, but I did, and I felt horrid for thinking it. But as soon as one of the nurses came into the room, with a tear in her eye, I knew I was right... Before she even told me the news, I was in tears. Screaming for it to be a lie, for her to have gotten it wrong, then the dreaded words came out of her mouth,
“I'm sorry madam, but he didn't make it,”
“No, no! This can't be,” I said “You said he was going to be fine, you said he was going to make it. You lied to me” I started crying, louder and louder. He was dead, my lovely John... Dead.
Takes deep breath and hugs the teddy
He got me this you know, for our first anniversary, this is the only thing I have left to remind me of him, all his belongings were destroyed in a fire after he died. I was so angry when I found out, I wanted to kill whoever took his things away from me, the last things I had left to remind me of him were gone, nothing left but this tattered and singed teddy that was in the loft. In a way, I'm glad they did it though, the teddy, Sam I called it, reminded me of our younger years together, when we were discovering the true meaning of love, how we had been together, not really knowing each other but thinking we knew enough to be happy, and I think we were right, we did.
It's been four years now, since, he, well passed away. Whenever someone mentions him or shows me a photo that he is in, I still tear up. But I suppose that’s natural.
So here I am telling you my story, still missing John, but Maybe someday, I will forget the bad time, and only remember the good. But as one chapter finishes, another starts.
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Hope you like it
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