ACT 1

SCENE 1

SETTING: The VERN family's home. It is a typical
suburban home in a typical suburban town.
There is a couch, an armchair to one side
and a table to other. On the table sits a
phone.

AT RISE: HELEN and her daughter LISA sit on the
couch while her son STEPHEN sits in the
armchair. He seems not only distant in
space, but in thought as well, marked by
the expression of boredom on his face.
This is in sharp contrast to LISA who
seems ready to burst at any moment,
stealing quick glances at the phone.

LISA: Mommy, why hasn't he called yet?

HELEN: He will.

LISA: He was supposed to call at six, and it's...

HELEN: And it's only just after five-thirty. Give it time.

LISA: But what if it's really... daylight savings time or something, so it's really six-thirty and past the time?

HELEN: It's not. Stephen, what is the only state that does not observe daylight savings time?

STEPHEN: Arizona.

HELEN: Who was the first person to suggest daylight savings time?

(pause)

STEPHEN: John Adams.

HELEN: Benjamin Franklin. The answer is Benjamin Franklin.

(pause)

Stephen?

STEPHEN: Benjamin Franklin was the first person to suggest daylight savings time.

LISA: (as STEPHEN repeats in the background) He's not going to call.

HELEN: Patience is a virtue.

LISA: Patience takes too long! That's it. I'm throwing it away. I'll burn the final copy, delete it from my computer, erase every trace that this abomination ever existed!

HELEN: You will do no such thing.

(the phone rings)

LISA: It's him! Mommy, it's him! It's him!

HELEN: Well answer it!

(LISA picks up the phone)

LISA: Hello?

(pause)

Mommy, it's him! Yes, this is Lisa. Hello Mr. Cowen.

(pause)

Uh huh...

(pause)

Uh huh... could you hold on a second? Don't hang up, okay? Don't hang up. Mommy, I can't hear him!

HELEN: Stephen, go into the other room.

(STEPHEN ignores her and continues to recite)

Stephen?

(STEPHEN continues)

LISA: Mommy, he's gonna hang up!

HELEN: Stephen!

STEPHEN: Oh I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? Hey, did you know that Benjamin Franklin was the first person to suggest daylight savings time? It's too bad he wasn't from Arizona, huh? Because Arizona wasn't a state back then was it mom?

HELEN: Stephen!

LISA: Mommy!

(HELEN points and STEPHEN walks off reciting again. LISA picks up the phone.)

Hello, Mr. Cowen? Are you still there?

(pause)

He's still here!

(pause)

Uh huh...

(pause)

Yes...

(pause, then suddenly LISA screams and begins jumping for joy. She runs up to HELEN, dragging the phone with her.)

I won! Mommy I won! You were right, patience is a virtue! I've got to tell Stephen!

(She starts to go, but stops and picks up the phone, still on the floor.)

Oh wait! Mr. Cowen... what time is it?

(pause)

Just checking. Daylight savings time you know. Bye Mr. Cowen, and thank you thank you thank you thank you! Stephen!

(She runs off. HELEN picks up the phone and sets it back on the table as she talks.)

HELEN: Well you've certainly made it a bright day in the Vern house.

(pause)

Oh it was all she could think about all week. We even had to resort to dying marshmallows purple for good luck. But my husband and I, well we don't really believe in luck around here and don't like to encourage it, but... well anyway we know luck had nothing to do with it. It was all Lisa. I'm sure you know that of course. It's her calling.

(pause)

Oh rest assured, we will. See you at the award ceremony. Bye.

(LISA rushes back on followed by STEPHEN.)

LISA: What'd he say? What'd he say?! What'd he say?!?

HELEN: Oh... this and that... you know.

LISA: Uh huh...

HELEN: And then I think he may have said something about an award ceremony...

LISA: Do I get to wear a dress?

HELEN: You can wear whatever you want my little writer.

(to STEPHEN)

Did you finish?

STEPHEN: Yes.

HELEN: Did you really finish?

STEPHEN: Yes.

HELEN: Because you know it takes at least seven times for something to stay in your long term memory, so...

STEPHEN: Mom, if you're only going to accept one answer why even bother asking the question in the first place?

(HELEN chuckles)

HELEN: You're jealous.

STEPHEN: I'm not jealous.

HELEN: Don't worry Stephen. You have the science fair coming up in three weeks and then I'll have two winners in the family.

STEPHEN: What if I lost?

HELEN: You won't lose.

STEPHEN: What if I did?

HELEN: It's impossible. Look at your last name Stephen Vern. And...

STEPHEN: We're not god mother!

(pause)

What if I lost? What if Lisa had lost?

HELEN: (quick to cut him off) Well Lisa didn't lose, did she?! Did you Lisa?

(LISA shakes her head)

No. Of course she didn't lose. I don't even... I don't even know what that word is doing here in this house, in my house, in our house! Maybe that should have been your project, Stephen. "The effect of the word 'lose' on a healthy home."

(she starts to walk off)

You'll win the science fair Stephen.

STEPHEN: I'm not doing the science fair.

(HELEN stops, frozen. She slowly turns around and walks up to STEPHEN.)

HELEN: I beg your pardon?

STEPHEN: Careful mother. Beggars can't be choosers. And I choose not to do the science fair.

HELEN: Why is that?

STEPHEN: I don't want to.

HELEN: Justify yourself.

STEPHEN: What do you want me to do? Write a five page essay on it? I'm gonna need some time. You're going to have to be patient. Patience is a virtue mother.

(HELEN raises her hand about to slap him, but stops herself. STEPHEN doesn't even flinch.)

HELEN: Let it be known that Helen Vern does not hit her children. She pushes them. She pushes them hard, but Helen Vern does not hit her children.

(HELEN walks off.)

LISA: Stephen... are you mad at me because I won first prize?

STEPHEN: Lisa... I am so proud of you. Don't you ever forget that.

LISA: And if I lost?

STEPHEN: I'd still be proud.

(pause)

And then I'd beat up the judges.

*to be cont.*