Thread: Comments on a logline, please?

When a miscarriage of justice sets her lover’s killer free, a gritty female cop fights for vengeance. When the man she seeks learns he is being hunted, he sends dangerous allies to stop her, including a killer just as deadly to him.

I would say two things: 1) Try to write the logline as one sentence. 2) There are too many personal pronouns in the lines you've written. I have to think about who the "he," "him," and "her" refer to and I shouldn't have to think about it.

We're told that the female cop fights for vengeance; from that it can be deduced (as one possibility, anyway) that she's going after the killer. Therefore, there's no need to then tell us that the man she seeks learns he is being hunted.

Honestly, I think you could go with just the first sentence you've written, maybe adding 4 or 5 words revealing the fact that the hunter becomes the hunted.

Thanks for the replies. I have revised it. I don't necessarily think a logline has to be one sentence. Although this one turned out to be. I believe some stories aren't possible to distill intelligibly into one sentence. I just think it should be less than 35 or so or so words.

I labored over this thing, since it's the first logline I've written...ever. So I'm sure it can be knit-picked by me (particularly) or anyone else, but I think this one will work. That is not to say I won't welcome any and all opinions.

Thanks and have a good one!


When the legal system she has sworn to uphold unjustly frees her lover's killer, a gritty female cop seeks revenge, unleashing a firestorm of violence that threatens to destroy everyone around her.

Oh, absolutely - by no means does the logline have to be one sentence, but it's something to shoot for and, more often than not, one sentence is enough.

I used to cover scripts on the side for a couple different production companies for the extra cash. My goal in writing a logline was to be concise and, even though I wasn't selling the script, to write something that sounded smart and - as much as warranted - did the screenplay justice. I wanted the development executives for whom I was working to know that I could write intelligently -- not just in the coverage, but in the logline itself.

Writing a good logline is something of an art form; I always changed a few words or sometimes scrapped my initial logline altogether. I enjoyed playing around with words and crafting a good line.

I think your revision is definitely an improvement. Best of luck.

Originally Posted by Quint

Oh, absolutely - by no means does the logline have to be one sentence, but it's something to shoot for and, more often than not, one sentence is enough.

I used to cover scripts on the side for a couple different production companies for the extra cash. My goal in writing a logline was to be concise and, even though I wasn't selling the script, to write something that sounded smart and - as much as warranted - did the screenplay justice. I wanted the development executives for whom I was working to know that I could write intelligently -- not just in the coverage, but in the logline itself.

Writing a good logline is something of an art form; I always changed a few words or sometimes scrapped my initial logline altogether. I enjoyed playing around with words and crafting a good line.

I think your revision is definitely an improvement. Best of luck.

I can show you a logline for a movie that is A-list all the way. If I would have presented this logline as my own, I fear it would have gotten a similar response. I appreciate your input. But I think my logline is at least as good.

It's Jodie Foster "The Brave One" Copy and Paste from IMDB


"A woman struggles to recover from a brutal attack by setting out on a mission for revenge."

Generic. The only thing "unique" in this movie is... What? She's a DJ? Whatever.

NONE of that is apparent in the logline.

I can certainly make some adjustments to MY logline, but...

I hope you get my point.

Have a great day!

No, your point is lost on me, Mklangelo.

Have a great day!

There is just nothing unique about this logline. Don't you see that?

It's generic and no more compelling than what I ended up with

You're absolutely right! I should have never responded to this thread to begin with.

My apologies.

Given there are a limited number of stories aren't loglines bound to sound generic? Surely the point is to let readers know if the genre is one of their favourites or not?

Olly, there’s more than one use for a logline. For all we know the OP may be wanting to pitch a story to a studio executive. And if so he deserves all the help he can get, from those equipped to give it.

Sorry if I came across as dismissive, anyone who comes looking for help rather than the usual chit chat deserves taking seriously. What I was trying to say is that giving a clue to the genre is not necessarily a bad thing, not that the log line itself should sound like every other. It is always a bit depressing when you write something different and original and then describing it in a sentence or two makes it sound just like a thousand others. It isn't of course, but that way of describing things always does it to a certain extent, so aren't you describing the sort of thing it is rather than the thing itself?
Sorry if I didn't add anything helpful Mklangelo, best of luck with it.

A gritty female cop hunts down her lover's killer only to become the hunted.

This may sound more generic, but you're telling way too much story in your logline. After reading your line a couple of times, it sounds like this is the main point, so I parred it down. The whos and hows can be held back for the story. I think it's more important to have a simpler logline.

Originally Posted by Quint

You're absolutely right! I should have never responded to this thread to begin with.

My apologies.

Apparently someone does not like to be disagreed with. But thanks just the same.

Originally Posted by Wallmaker

A gritty female cop hunts down her lover's killer only to become the hunted.

This may sound more generic, but you're telling way too much story in your logline. After reading your line a couple of times, it sounds like this is the main point, so I parred it down. The whos and hows can be held back for the story. I think it's more important to have a simpler logline.

That isn't bad. Thanks!

Originally Posted by Mklangelo

Apparently someone does not like to be disagreed with. But thanks just the same.

That's not it, Mklangelo. You posted a thread asking for comments on your logline. By "comments" I assumed you meant feedback (i.e., constructive criticism). I offered feedback and you in return were dismissive, if not defensive.

To wit:

Originally Posted by Mklangelo

I can show you a logline for a movie that is A-list all the way. ... I appreciate your input. But I think my logline is at least as good.

...
I can certainly make some adjustments to MY logline, but...

I hope you get my point.