Thread: Comments on a logline, please?

Originally Posted by Quint

That's not it, Mklangelo. You posted a thread asking for comments on your logline. By "comments" I assumed you meant feedback (i.e., constructive criticism). I offered feedback and you in return were dismissive, if not defensive.

To wit:

Point and counterpoint, Quint. The critic must be ready to be disagreed with, no?

Certainly you have seen me accept with open arms some of the suggestions/criticisms offered in this thread?

I appreciate your feedback and did not mean to be dismissive. I completely disagree with your saying I was perhaps "offensive."

My point was simple. That logline for the Jodie Foster flick, "The Brave One" was not a single iota more creative, informative or intriguing than my simple one sentence offering that you didn't like. That's all.

No offense intended.

Originally Posted by Mklangelo

Point and counterpoint, Quint. The critic must be ready to be disagreed with, no?

Yes.

Certainly you have seen me accept with open arms some of the suggestions/criticisms offered in this thread?

Indeed.

I appreciate your feedback and did not mean to be dismissive. I completely disagree with your saying I was perhaps "offensive."

Fair enough.

I appreciate your even-keeled response. Frankly, I expected you to at some point go off on me here, but you haven't.

From my perspective, it doesn't matter whether I "like" your logline or not. That's immaterial. Hopefully, when we critique others' work here, it's all about trying to offer an objective, helpful and (hopefully) insightful perspective. We're here to help each other, aren't we?

My primary reason for registering on and reading this forum is to dialogue with other writers about writing.

I might in the future post a scene or two from a screenplay I'm currently writing and I can almost guarantee that if I do so I'll be cringing a bit when opening the thread to read any responses. I think that's natural, at least for me.

Quint, apparently my reputation precedes me. But I usually save my going off for the Debate Forum.

Nope, the first post I've ever read of yours (as far as I know) was the first post of this thread. I've only recently come back to this board after several months of, well, not coming here. I've probably read a total of five posts in the debate forum.

Quint, have you written several scripts or are you working on your first, just like me? I'd be happy to trade reads, when your done. Mine should be done in a few days. I've really been agonizing over this ending.

It has to be MY best, and it isn't there yet. There are a few scenes which I think are weak, and I'm working on those as well. Let me know if your interested in doing a read for a read.


Have a good one!

Yep, my first, too. I'd love to do a read for read, but I've just started the script. I'm literally taking all the notes I've been scribbling over the course of a few months on the backs of coffee house receipts, envelopes and my writing pad and putting them in script form. It's an unusual approach, but I'm having fun - and that matters to me.

Mklangelo, a while back I wrote a fairly extensive treatment but I felt like I did not have a cohesive story - just a bunch of interesting ideas - and that presented a roadblock for me. I never wrote the script. I've finally decided I'm going to do this my way (screenplay-writing books be damned) and I'm actually getting a few pages hammered out. For the first time, I'm enjoying writing a screenplay.

Let's see if I can get a first act written and if I do that, I'll be happy to send it your way if you're interested. In the meantime, congratulations on being damn near finished!

For a moment there I thought I was going to have to step between you guys, glad to see you talking about trading ideas. It's very easy to impute feelings into posts that are not there when they are quick replies and not everyone bothers to talk it through. Good on you guys.

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle
For a moment there I thought I was going to have to step between you guys

Har! Har! Har!

Mklangelo you are getting the right idea in regards to a log line. Basically, what a log line has is a synopsis or plot, and an emotional "hook".

You touched on the point that the commercial example you found seemed generic. But that is not a bad thing, and in fact that is the point. There does not need to be anything overtly special about a log line. It needs to get a producer interested, and mainly - needs the listener to see potential in the story.

It will be the screenplay that has the detail and uniqueness about it.

As Wallmaker suggested, your original efforts were too lengthy, and yes, they conformed to the word limit standard - but they were too hard to remember or just work out in your head. Wallmaker suggestion is good.

Everyone who reads this post who is in need of a log line should remember that is not its purpose to describe your story, all you want to do is get the reader / producer / whoever to get the general idea, and go 'I could see that as a movie'.

This is a circulated internet joke, but this log line parody was written for The Wizard of Oz and is an example of how even a complicated epic (in relation to the content and year produced) can be simplified to a line that the reader can get instantly.

"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again."

A rebellious female cop seeks vengeance after she helplessly witnesses the brutal murder of her lover.


I really like that Wizard of Oz example. Funny, a book I'm reading has you write a query letterfor that film.

Another good technique more commonly seen in high concept films and ideas, is to use 'What if?' It seems simple and silly but is used more times than would be thought.

What if a meteor was heading towards earth and we didn't have enough time to stop it?

What if a two men need a certain toy for chistmas but there are none left in the city?

etc etc. Usually only works for high concept though. Still, something to think about.

Originally Posted by Pooley

Another good technique more commonly seen in high concept films and ideas, is to use 'What if?' It seems simple and silly but is used more times than would be thought.

What if a meteor was heading towards earth and we didn't have enough time to stop it?

What if a two men need a certain toy for chistmas but there are none left in the city?

etc etc. Usually only works for high concept though. Still, something to think about.

Well, that's the hook of the story. Something I understand is more used in a Query Letter, right?