Thread: First short. Opinions?

I've managed to see my first short script produced. Of course, on a very low budget.

Feedback appreciated.

Here's the link:

Cercan - short film, 2008 - SPIKE

Qua? I watched. But I don't understand what happened? Granted, I sped through some parts. 5+ minutes ran a little long. Anyway, fill me in, what's the whole nervous breakdown all about?

Hi Wallmaker, and thank's a lot for watching. It was indeed our purpose to keep some blur over what really happened there. But we may have blurred it too much...

I normally believe that writers are supposed to say all they have to say in their texts, whithout any further explanations. But this time, I'd like to know how difficult it was for the spectator to get the message I wanted to send. So basically, I wanted to be easy to understand that the quiz answer was 'cancer'. And the speaker had the disease. Then the whole speech was something personal, adressed, perhaps, to his girl-friend (who left him), or perhaps to God (who gave him this disease).

Thanks again for your time!

I understood the speaker might have cancer... but as a cranky professor of mine would say... vhat iz da storhee? And dagnabit, he's right. This is more like a statement, or a single scene, or character moment which tells us info or a stage of his shock. Right now, why do I care about this guy having cancer? Lots of people have cancer. It might be cancer he can simply treat. I like the game show part, but it doesn't go anywhere with that gimmick.

Something to think about, maybe this short needs to be... a little longer with a few more scenes.

Cheers,
Kay