Thread: Sea Dogs

I guess it's not so much of a script yet... It's the general plot for a script I want to write out and was wondering if anyone could see a flaw or a spot for improvement in it before I start developing it.
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////////////Intro////////////
-Quick sequence of little boy growing up, dreaming of adventure at sea (opening credits shown over this)
-Teenage boy runs away from home
-Travels to nearby city
-Finds the inn, where he gets a crush on a barmaid, explains to her his dreams of exploring the world
-Joins a ship crew, not realizing he signed up to become a pirate
-Sails out the next day, finally realizing what he has done when they encounter another ship at sea and the crew starts yelling about “preparing to board” and “cut ‘em all down”
-Tries to avoid the fighting, but is forced into it by his drunkenly whimsical captain
-Spends the entire fight dodging blades and hiding behind cargo and such
-When it’s over, all enemy crewmen dead, valuables taken and the ship is sailing again, the captain, now sober reveals that he noticed the boy’s cowardice during the fight and decides to teach him the art of swordplay and sailing
-A decade passes, shown through a “montage” of his training, (this includes besieging more ships) growing older throughout
-After the montage, the teenage boy, now a young man is a regular crewmember of the ship, but for the fact that he has befriended everyone on the ship at this point
-They enter port at the same city where the boy had originally signed onto the crew and, holding onto childhood desires, our protagonist rushes to the inn to hopefully meet his old crush
-Unable to find her there, he asks the owner if he knew where she was
-Owner explains that she died a few weeks earlier, when her drunken husband burned their house down
-He rushes to the broken and burned house, examining the rubble
-The captain appears behind him, comforting him, telling him that this is what being a pirate is life, having to trade one love for the other, then leaves him to his thoughts, reminding the boy that they wouldn’t cast off until morning if he had any other business to attend to
-The boy returns home, hesitant to knock on the door and see his parents again (has a quick humorous self-monologue here) and finally decides to look through the window
-Upon doing so, he sees his parents and three children that they must have born after he left
-He decides not to interrupt their newfound happiness and leave them again forever
-Fast forward to the next morning, the crew is getting ready to cast off--he and the captain have another private moment here where the boy tells the captain of his journey to his childhood home and quotes him from the day before “trading one love for another”--captain laughs and congratulates him, announcing that his lieutenant was shot the night before in a bar fight, and the boy would now be the new second in command on the ship (something about being a prodigy, very skilled, much loved by the crew, etc…)

////////////Real Plot begins////////////
-Out at sea, the captain calls the young man to his chamber to give him the talk on “now that you’re a real pirate and all that…”--he explains that piracy is an all-out war, and not just between them and the navy, the other pirates too; and now that they had a competent crew, good supplies and a strong ship, they could plunge head first into the pirate wars
-Captain reveals a list/map of all the biggest pirates in the world and their territories, showing him the closest, and by far the weakest target, the explains that if they engaged this pirate as an enemy and won, they could either kill the man, claiming his ship and crew for their own, or kill everyone and destroy everything; taking over the ship is always preferable (building a fleet to take out the bigger, badder pirates)
-They set sail in that direction, sailing for several days to find that the man and his crew were docked, fortunate for them, being able to wait and prepare an ambush
-Fast forward to late that night when the ship leaves port and they follow it until they are safely away from the coast, speeding up and firing on the ship with all their power.
-The other ship starts firing back and then the entire crew throws ropes to the enemy ship and begins to board
-(Insert huge super kick-butt fight scene here)
-They end up winning, though with most of the enemy crew dead, they take the captain prisoner, take whatever supplies and valuables can be found, and set flame to she ship, survivors left aboard to either drown or burn
-Quick, humorous “that went surprisingly well” conversation on deck with the entire crew, ale broken out and everyone getting drunk as hell
-Fast forward to the next day for a quick scene where they plan their route and strategy to their next target; conversation between the captain, young man and two or three officers about if they’re really being pirates or making the world a better place by ridding the seas of pirates by doing this--they decide in the end that it’s best not to think about, because in the end, they get more money and treasure out of it this way(steal from thieves and all)
-The next attack goes as swimmingly as the first, (no need to explain how they found the ship within it’s territory, let the audience use their imagination: stopped in a few ports for info, ran into them by chance, whatever) this time with surrender happening quick enough for the captain to be cast off in a longboat to do whatever he wishes (he sails off into the distance) and the ship is commandeered, the crew willingly joining this superior force
-Days later, the young man goes to the brig to feed their captive captain, during which he has a dark conversation with the man involving:
--Young man explains who the next target is
--Enemy captain warns him not to underestimate that man, or they will all die
--Young man, filled with confidence, chooses not to believe him and leaves the prisoner alone in the dark, heading back up to the deck
-Fast forward, their ship is now in port and the entire crew is relaxing at the inn, flirting with girls and making stupid bar bets with the locals, except for the young man who sits silently at a table by himself, as the prisoner’s words have begun to sunk in, making the man wary of their situation
-He looks up from his drink, finally noticing that almost every man in the room that wasn’t a part of his crew has some sort of weapon on them, and that a large man in the corner had been fiddling with a shotgun and staring at his captain ever since they came in
-He rushes to his captain to warn him that they have to leave, but it’s too late
-The enemy crew draws their weapons, taking the entire inn hostage
-Large man in the corner speaks up and walks to the center of the room, beckoning for the captain of the young man’s ship to come as well
-The large man reveals that he is the man they came looking for, and he knew that they were coming courtesy of the man they let sail away (at this point, the captain of the last ship stands up from another corner in the room, where he had been hidden by some of the enemy crew)
-Large enemy captain gives the standard, cliché demoralizing speech about how they could never hope to defeat all the greatest pirates in the seas, especially if they cannot beat him; he finishes by firmly shooting the captain through the stomach
-At the sight of this, all hell breaks loose, with both crews drawing swords and guns
-The young man and the fat captain remain undisturbed, in a small area in the middle of the bar, each on either side of the dieing captain
-They both draw swords
-(Insert ANOTHER awesome fight here where the young man and fat captain remain enemies the entire time, though in the background, it is clear that the young man’s crew is failing)
-Finally, the young man catches the fat captain off guard and firmly decapitates the bloody twit; with captain dead, the enemies begin to lose faith and eventually retreat from the bar
-The young man rushes to his fallen captain with the rest of the living and wounded crew huddled around
-Sentimental last words from the captain about how they’d all been a great crew through all of their experiences, and that the young man would be the new captain, symbolizing this by granting the young man his hat, sword and compass… then he dies
-Fast forward to the next morning where they gather at the beach and grant the captain and those who died during the battle a burial at sea, no speeches or anything special, just a ceremonial pushing-off with the entire crew present

////////////Outro////////////
-Crew is gathered at the dock, preparing to board the ship and cast off, but at the moment they are huddled around the young man, asking where they would go next
-He first announces the new lieutenant, picking the next in command behind him to take on this role
-Brief pause… and then the young man explains that they would finish what they started, only difference now is that enemies defeated would join them or die; no prisoners or lives spared unless something could be gained from it… “But keep the man in the brig alive… He knows the seas better than us, and he’ll be a good informant… Well what are you waiting for?” yells the captain. “There are oceans to conquer.” This sends the crew into excited yelling and celebration as they file onto the ship and begin to ready for sailing
-Open sky shot over the sea as the ship leaves port and sails off to adventure… ending credits burn through the scenery

Nobody can just kinda skim over it and catch some fatal flaw in my idea? Spare five seconds so correct me on how something works?

Okay, I skimmed. I read. Basically, I think you need to think heavily in a couple of areas:

#1) What is your main character's problem? You say the real story begins, but it's just a bunch of action scenes and archtypal villains. Or, maybe put in other words: What does the main character want? What is the complication in getting it? If the main character just wants to be on the open sea, then it happens really quickly and the rest is, again, a done deal and while you have some cool action scenes in mind, they won't keep 60 minutes worth of interest without having a hero with a goal (such as in Pirates and finding the cursed Aztec gold, etc).

#2) Why should we root for this guy? He doesn't want to be a pirate at first, but he's oblivious enough to get on a pirate ship, that's kinda funny. I also liked the barmaid and his ties to his parents, but those are abandoned pretty quick. But now he is a pirate? I realize some tough stuff happened to him, but watching a character throw their morals and ideals out the window to murder loot and pillage isn't a high seas adventure, it's a tragedy.

The end, Act III really tapers off. Feels like everything already happened in the "real" story when he fights the other pirate boss.

Naturally, you just have a rough outline. Next, try a logline or a 1 paragraph synopsis telling the over arcing plot of the story. It will solidify even more.

Hm.... okay, I see what your getting at.

To #1 - Okay, I understand that. I knew there was gonna be a problem with it as I wrote this story on impulse after watching Pirates of the Caribbean (love those movies). I was kind of going for a, "You got your wish, now here's the downside and God's gonna make sure you never get to go back" motif. As for the goal, I am a power-nerd, so the entire plot is a little like a video game to me. Beat one big bad pirate go onto the next and the next until your the "biggest baddest pirate on the seven seas". I was trying be make sense and yet be unrealistic with it, but I suppose changing the main goal and having that as a side goal couldn't hurt.

#2 - Mm, memories of middle school English and my teacher telling me that your protagonist can be the rudest, most hated guy ever, but if you can find a way for the reader to see something they like in him, like an unconditional love of dogs, you've got a story. I see what you're saying. I wasn't exactly going for a happy story. In fact, I wanted it to be downright depressing... But I'll see if I can't explain his motives a bit better. Any suggestions?

On act 3, it's not so much, a real part of the story so much as is it a tag, a short ending piece that sets you up for whatever's coming next. Haven't thought of what's coming next yet, but it's there.

Also, what is a logline?