Outside the Door
The empty hallway of an apartment building, Eli has walked up to the third floor to the door of 307C. The door is a beige white color, not too bright that it stands out garishly, but an important asset nonetheless. There is a welcome mat at the foot of the door and sun filters through a nearby window. It’s late afternoon.
ELI
It doesn’t bother me that you’re not responding you know. I just heard footsteps inside. I can talk to you from out here. Kinda confessional style, isn’t it? [slides down wall to sit on floor] You know I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, how to present this to you, for a week. I had it all figured out too, until I got here. [knocks idly on bottom of door] Damn, I could really use a smoke right now. Oh, I didn’t tell you. I quit smoking. About the same time I stopped calling you. The same time you stopped picking up. I won’t lie. It’s the hardest thing ever. Never develop a chemical dependency on anything. The sacrifices you’ll make outweigh that small high you attain. And it’ll just keep getting worse. I guess you always were better at enjoying the best things in moderation, though. Or maybe it’s just in the genes. Hey you there, Nina? Just thought I heard the floorboards creaking. Your floors always give you away. And now. I’m on the other side of the door. You’re mad aren’t you? There’s no way you couldn’t be. [You’re So Vain starts playing] And you have every right to be. It’s just that—wait, is that. Haha, good one, Nina. I guess I deserve that. But that’s not helping me at the moment. Ok, so um…you saw me, doing something that can’t be justified, ever. And I’m really sorry you had to find out that way about me. About who I actually am. [music gets louder] Nina! Please. You can ridicule me all you want, but control the volume! I want to at least have the illusion that you’re listening to me. [music softens] Thank you, I appreciate it. Anyways…uh, I just need to have this space, to tell. Anyways…uh, I just need to have this space, to tell you, despite your already knowing, that I’m not straight. I wish I had a light. So badly. Guess you could say this is stressing me out a little bit.
Look, so I just wanted to see how you’re doing with the whole your boyfriend of four years being gay. Hah. I don’t know that I can ever make this up to you. I really don’t think I can, but I’m trying to reach out here, and I think that’s the best I can do. Look can you come out now? I want to know how you’re doing. Sincerely. I…I just don’t know what more I can do. I’m out of ideas. I’m gay, that’s all I have at the moment. It’s your turn. Nothing at this moment matters to me more than your forgiveness and acceptance. You know, the thought of coming out to you was actually more scary than telling anyone else that I can think of. It’s just—I just wanted you to know that. It’s scary, you know. Coming out, it’s so hard. And the problem is, it’s not something I’ll ever be rid of. It’s something I’ll bring with me wherever I go. It has left its mark on our relationship. What else can I possibly destroy? I mean—Hey Nina?
[footsteps inside the room fade away]
Thanks for staying.
[curtain]
__________________
I think we are blind. Blind people who can see, but do not see. - jose saramago
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