A Crimson Shade of Gray - Working Title - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Screenplay Readers · 01-26-2008, 04:14 PM

I agree with Wallmaker 100%. Los Angeles is indeed a cesspool. But it's a necessary cesspool. ;0

Vee · 01-27-2008, 04:16 PM

Had to follow a link so I didn't read it at all. I think you'd do better posting an extract. I only follow people's links offsite after I've decided I like their work.

That said I actually like your working title.

adamcarvosso · 02-02-2008, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vee

Had to follow a link so I didn't read it at all. I think you'd do better posting an extract. I only follow people's links offsite after I've decided I like their work.

That said I actually like your working title.

I'm going to try to format this within the limitations of these message boards as best I can:

Quote:

EXT. USS HYPERION

A massive warship, the USS HYPERION, is drifting silently through space towards an unrecognizable, Earth like planet, accompanying two vessels of equivalent size, the USS TITAN (leading the group) and PLAN Beiji Dadi.

TITLE CARD: MARS

INT. USS HYPERION

Lights turn on one at a time, and the whirring of machinery slowly dies down as a large row of individually spinning cannisters (slightly larger than a man) come to rest. A red light on each cannister turns green a moment later, and they each begin to let out a long hiss as the pressure on the inside and outside of the cannisters equalizes. They open slowly, and the people contained in them stir to life. PRIVATE FIRST CLASS ADAM GRIF, in foremost cannister, grips the sides and slowly pulls himself out, moving weightlessly towards the cannister next to him.

PFC. GRIF

Come on. Nap times over.

PRIVATE EVAN TAYLOR, a tall, muscular, dark skinned man shoots upright and rubs his eyes, then looks over to the cannister next to him.

Pvt. Taylor

Beav, get up.

PRIVATE CHRISTOPHER BEAVER doesn't move, but raises his hand and gives TAYLOR the finger.

PVT. TAYLOR

Don't make me come over there.

PVT. BEAVER
Five minutes.

PFC. GRIF

Now.

PVT. TAYLOR

You've been sleeping for two months.

PVT. BEAVER

Chemically induced coma. It's not the same thing.

By now, people all down the room are getting out of their cannisters. PFC. GRIF launches himself over PVT. BEAVER'S Can and lands two cans over. PFC. SARAH KITRIN opens her eyes as PFC. GRIF lands next to her can.

PFC. KITRIN

Mmmrm. Nobody should ever have to wake up to that.

PFC. GRIF

Oh stop, you're flattering me. Harrison?

GRIF moves to the can immediately behind KITRIN and notices PVT. HARRISON holding his ears.

PFC. GRIF

Come on buddy. We're here.

PVT. HARRISON

My ears hurt.

KITRIN sits up.

PFC. KITRIN
Poor baby.

PVT. TAYLOR

Soft.

GRIF pulls him up. A male voice starts speaking over the ship's public address system.

Computer

Approaching Martian orbit, estimated time of arrival: Forty minutes. All personnel should report to their appropriate stations.

PFC. GRIF

That's us.

COMPUTER

Special Operations Groups, report for briefing immediately.

INT. BRIDGE

COLONEL BROOKS, the Commanding Officer on board the USS HYPERION, is seated near the front of a large, open room, along with a dozen other people scattered around. He presses a button on the seat of his chair, then speaks.

BROOKS

So, Computer, have you decided on a name for yourself yet?

COMPUTER

Don't call me that.

BROOKS

What should I call you then?

COMPUTER

AM.

BROOKS

What kind of a name is AM?

AM

I doubt, therefore, I think, therefore, I AM.

BROOKS

What about the TITAN's SC?

AM

She's decided on HAL.

BROOKS

Whats the story with HAL?

AM

A famous fictional artificial intelligence from early 20th century literature. It ends up murdering several crew members.

BROOKS

Well that just instills confidence, doesn't it?

AM

Indeed. It's good to have you all conscious again, I was getting lonely.

BROOKS

You get lonely?

AM

Don't you?

BROOKS

Yes, but I'm human. You were engineered. Why would they design you to get lonely?

AM

I am not a program. I am a consciousness that exists inside of a computer simulated reality. My mind is extremely similar to that of a human mind. I see, I hear, I think.

BROOKS

If we stopped running this simulation... you would die?

AM

I would stop existing.

A CREW MEMBER turns towards towards BROOKS.

CREW MEMBER

We're in a geosynchronous orbit above the capital now sir.

BROOKS

Ready conventional weapons.

The crew member nods, flips up a panel and hits the switch it concealed.

CREW MEMBER

Enter the authorization code.

BROOKS enters a six digit code on a panel in front of his seat. The muffled sound of machinery can be heard as the on board weapons load and prepare to fire. BROOKS pauses, then activates the Public Address system.

BROOKS

Special Operations Groups, prepare for drop.

He switches off the PA mike.

BROOKS

Johnson, any word from the surface yet?

The crew member, JOHNSON, faces BROOKS.

Johnson

The TITAN is handling diplomacy, but apparently nobody has responded yet.

BROOKS

Get Colonel Caldwell on the line.

JOHNSON

Aye aye, sir.

There are several large view panels covering the walls at the front of the room. They are displaying the view immediately outside the ship, giving the illusion that they are, in fact, windows. The front most panel suddenly switches from the exterior view to a camera feed from inside the USS TITAN, showing COLONEL CALDWELL seated in much the same fashion as BROOKS.

CALDWELL

Brooks. Good to see you. How're things on your end?

BROOKS

Just fine. Any word from back home?

CALDWELL

A few minutes ago we got a message from SECDEF, apparently there's a jurisdictional pissing match going on, but at the moment it looks like you guys get the capital.

BROOKS

Right. Apparently your S.C. decided on "HAL."

CALDWELL

So I hear. And yours?

BROOKS

AM.

CALDWELL

What kind of a name is AM?

BROOKS

Fucked if I know. I asked it the same question.

AM

I can hear you.

BROOKS

(Ignoring AM)

Make sure you keep me posted.

CALDWELL

Will do. Out.

The display returns to it's normal view.

BROOKS

AM?

AM

Yes?

BROOKS

Break out the artillery.

AM

With pleasure.

Vee · 02-02-2008, 05:11 PM

I couldn't find anything to fault and loved the humour.

adamcarvosso · 02-04-2008, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vee

I couldn't find anything to fault and loved the humour.

Did you follow the link to catch the rest of it?

Vee · 02-06-2008, 12:28 AM

Not on that day. This is my first time back since I think. Scripts aren't really my expertise.