a P. G. Woodhouse type comedy..please read and critique - Writers Forum

paroma · 08-30-2007, 01:57 PM

Well this is a rough first scene..something i jotted own in class...do let me know what you think and please excuse the cheesiness of the names...i couldnt come up with anything better at the time..

A MURDER IS PLANNED

Characters (till now):
Artie Booster
Peeves

Scene 1

Artie (A): All right Peeves?

Peeves (P): Yes sir, thank you. Might I suggest the reindeer jumper for the shooting party.

A: Oh right ho, right ho!...but I rather thought I'll wear my new safari suit.

P: Eh...the present from Mrs. Amberville's husband? One can hardly say its appropriate for the occassion.

A: Yes, I see your point. And if there was to be a clandestine murder, atleast I'll be weel marked out. (laughs)

P: Er...yes sir. As always, you plan impeccably.

(A moment of pause where Artie is pondering and Peeves is setting the clothes around)

A: I say, what if there was to be a murder? (says it like an epiphany)

P: I beg your pardon sir?

A: Yes, yes...think logically Peeves. Poor Mrs. Clairvel was strangled at Bedfordshire's annual tea & scones party; then the horrific scandal with Alan the card sharper which even the media from London got involved with; and of course your own little time;ly intervention at Mrs. Soupe's party before she shot that lover of her daughter's...

P: Well sir, it has been an unfortunate year.

A: Blind man! Can you not see the pattern?! There has either been a murder, or an amorous deception, or plain lunacy...remember Mr. Shepard claiming that his pigs can fly?...anyway, my point is that save our estate, every other family in Bedfordshire has been involved with some scandal or the other.

P: I see now sir! Logically concluding that the next stop for disaster will be the Innings house.

A: Good fellow! And of course, the shooting party will be the appropriate time as well. A shot or two gone haywire...of course, of course...

P: Marvellous sir. So what do we do to prevent this catastrophe?

A: Peeves, you are unnecessarily praised. Either you pretend to be stupid so as to let me take control once in a while...or you've been conning your fans world over who are great admireres of your faculty of reason.

P: I'm afraid I don't understand sir; contrary to popular belief I'm sure. (says it rather drily)

A: Dear chappie, how are we to prevent a tragedy of which we have no concrete knowledge available? And even if we were to pre-empt the situation, why in god's name should we prevent it? Why not enjoy the hullaballo?

P: Because sir, after the last chapter finishes and all the guests go home, we will still be dipped in legalities.

A: So what my dear man? We hardly have much to do with witn our time- instead of staying at Lady Chatterbay's for 2 months, I can go up to London to settle the "legalities" as you say. I always enjoy placing the rear end comfortably at the Drones..you know surrounded by good fellows who are always in a bunch or another.

P: Very good sir. If the affair shall not disturb your state of being, I shall ask the staff to prepare accordingly.

A: Oh dear god?! I hope you're not planning on disclosing to them my suppositions? You do know that the staff is almost always involved with country murders? They talk too much. (says in a matter of factly way)

P: But of course sir. I merely meant to encourage them to be more open about their personal affairs. That almost always brings in an interesting twist.

A: Oh capital capital! This may turn out to be an exciting weekend after all, as I was previously inclined to disagree with.

P: But sir, I always believed you enjoyed gaming as a sport?

A: Oh posh Peeves! (picking up his pipe). No real gentleman ever enjoys killing (looking at a point in the audience).

P: Right sir. Shall we descend for breakfast?

A: Oh yes...one must not ignore the apetite too much. Lead on Peeves.

P: Never sir...after you.

A: (laughs heartily) You're a good man Peeves!

Exit Peeves and Artie.

paroma · 09-06-2007, 11:48 AM

please say something anyone!!!!...its exasperating to check evryday and see that noone replies!!...pls...trash it but say something!!!

vangoghsear · 09-07-2007, 08:34 AM

Sorry for taking so long to respond Paroma. It is frustrating at times.
One way to get responses is to go through and give a few (maybe you already did, I don't know).

Your dialog seems fine and seems to work in creating characterization.

You don't over direct in the script, which is good, however your directions are not placed correctly. Example:

Quote:

A: I say, what if there was to be a murder? (says it like an epiphany)

The actor reading this would not know to put the proper inflection in until it was too late to do it. Then they would have to go back and restate the line. So it should be more like:

A: I say, (like an epiphany) what if there was to be a murder?

My biggest criticism is that it is indeed like a P.G. Woodhouse, too much like one. What makes yours different? Is it a spoof?

paroma · 09-07-2007, 10:59 AM

finally!!!...thank you so much...i appreciate it...the more i read the more trashy it seems though..perhaps i should stop re reading 10 lines...hmmm..
well ya i intented it to be spoofy but now i seem to be stuck...it was somewhat of a mixture between christie and wodehouse but the plot is not really working out...even though thanks a lot..when i write more scenes ill post them..
and yes...if i respond only then can i expect..so true..

vangoghsear · 09-07-2007, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paroma

finally!!!...thank you so much...i appreciate it...the more i read the more trashy it seems though..perhaps i should stop re reading 10 lines...hmmm..

Don't be too hard on yourself, but yes, don't keep going over the first lines. Write more lines or better yet, since you say you are stuck, I'm going to recommend something to you that I usually don't recommend: write an outline. This is especially true of a mystery. You need to know exactly where it is going. Who done it, etc. An outline can help with this.

paroma · 09-08-2007, 07:01 AM

yessir!!
working on that...i believe Wooster himself is driven to commit the final crime in the end...still needs to be worked out how though...but thanks a lot!!