Help-----Another Divine Comedy - Writers Forum

Elderberry · 07-18-2007, 11:28 PM

Person,
I've been waiting for you
I sent for you
and I provided for your journey to me

and though I become my own dream,
and where we meet is a memory
I am in gratitude to your service
For your service becomes me.

so have faith dear saint!
I know we're a long way off
I'm under your order to destroy the order
you're locked in, your pain

passing into the next chapter

there, it seemed real
death at our shoulder
life in between
a message we sent
on a long,
journey

its all written down
when we need to read
when I loved you
you loved me

hell yea I travel Light
and can't afford a thank-you
where you sent me there were fights
a good clenched hand, is empty

and any handshake is empty or its fake
and no one has intentions, or everyone is a slave
yes we've read the books and thus remember what remains
a memory of false endings, and after that, cake

witness
to the passing
cake over the flame
we stayed alive,
he was to blame

Sacrifice to the sky, the stage of pain
the Cross in the Soldiers eye
Is this the way? The stage of hate
The audience is afraid!

Why the costume? We ask and we asked
:: When does the thought leave the pen?
Why is there blood? On the screen, dripping
:: Its a bar-be-que....at Geoffs!!

Pull your pants up! Oh sacrifice passed through
We've pushed you there, what else can we do?
Time to clean up! With your bloody loincloth
The festivities are a happening! At Geoff's, truth!!!

While we were just bloody men, we didn't know, this much was said;
Why have you forgotton me? And leave me on, this dead tree?
::Well your life will go on in books, made from the pulp, on which you're hooked
I Hear you Oh, so I Play for them, Since they know not, Make it Forgot.
And then I forgot, this much was said; and they, they know not.

While we were just bloody men, we didn't know, this much was said;
Why have you forgotton me? And leave me on, this dead tree?
::Well your life will go on in books, made from the pulp, on which you're hooked
I Hear you Oh, so I Play for them, Since they know not, Make it Forgot.
And then I forgot, this much was said; and they, they know not.

While we were just bloody men, we didn't know, this much was said;
Why have you forgotton me? And leave me on, this dead tree?
::Well your life will go on in books, made from the pulp, on which you're hooked
I Hear you Oh, so I Play for them, Since they know not, Make it Forgot.
And then I forgot, this much was said; and they, they know not.

While we were just bloody men, we didn't know, this much was said;
Why have you forgotton me? And leave me on, this dead tree?
::Well your life will go on in books, made from the pulp, on which you're hooked
I Hear you Oh, so I Play for them, Since they know not, Make it Forgot.
And then I forgot, this much was said; and they, they know not.

mammamaia · 07-19-2007, 08:13 PM

huh?

what is this meant to be?... it's not a script, so did you put it in the wrong place by accident?... and what are all those :: for?

Elderberry · 07-19-2007, 08:32 PM

I thought someone else might know what its meant to be.
The :: are my structure in this to mean a different personality addressing a previous question, sorta like quotations, just another voice talking other than the primary.
I don't mind your confusion at all, or your attempts at catagorizing, thanks for stopping by mama.

Shawn · 07-19-2007, 08:34 PM

It still isn't a script or a play.

Elderberry · 07-20-2007, 09:12 AM

It isn't?

Shawn · 07-20-2007, 10:25 AM

There are conventions that you have to follow... writing a play is not a free for all.

mammamaia · 07-20-2007, 09:20 PM

Quote:

It isn't?

did you really think it was?

Elderberry · 07-21-2007, 01:33 AM

Yes i do. And i also think the world isn't round!!!!

palence · 07-21-2007, 04:20 PM

you sound like an old teacher of mine =)

mammamaia · 07-22-2007, 06:04 PM

and my second ex-/late husband... he actually thought the sun revolved around the earth... no scheiss!

Elderberry · 07-22-2007, 07:48 PM

You miss your 2nd husband? Some at least?

mammamaia · 07-23-2007, 07:17 PM

not in the least!!!

Elderberry · 07-24-2007, 10:32 AM

Even just enough to see reminders of him?

mammamaia · 07-24-2007, 08:50 PM

gaaaack!