Another Divine Comedy - Writers Forum

(insert screen-name) · 07-11-2007, 03:38 PM

A Divine Comedy
ACT I

NNY: this looks interesting….

CLERK: and just, who the hell are you?

NNY: well, if I’m where that big sign says I am, shouldn’t you know? I’m Nny.

CLERK: You’re not on the registry.

NNY: But we do have information on you. You aren’t supposed to be here.

NNY: I am dead aren’t I?

CLERK: well, according to this, you’re not the type to believe me no matter what I say.

NNY: I suppose you’re right. oh well, I’ll just play it by ear. Hey, not to offend or anything. But I thought heaven was all white and fluffy.

CLERK: if it were all white then it would hardly be heaven would it?

NNY: still, look at this place. Those clouds are filthy. I even think I stepped in dog shit back there. My house is cleaner than this.

CLERK: this is heaven boy, we have better things to occupy our minds with than appearances.

NNY: tell it to the living. Hmmm… you’re an angel. I usually don’t care to stop blood flow but. “When in Rome”… could you fix my head? It’s a bit damaged.

CLERK: hmm…well, here’s a band-aid.

NNY: thanks…

CLERK: until we figure out what to do with you, you can look around if you’d like, but first we’ll have to check up on your “file of acts”. Lets see what you’ve been up to. Oookay…. Hmmm….. Hmm… Hm?
Oh, my.
Uh… oh dear God no…
Mighty Christ. WHY?!
Holy lord, I’m going to be SICK!
(puke in to bag)

NNY: um…I’ll just be over there.
Oooooh… oh my god, its-its- GOD!

PEDESTAL: shhh! Can’t you see he’s sleeping?

NNY: I’ll just be a second. Hey, God! Could I ask you a few questions?!

GOD: hmm? Whuh…ugh…what? What do you want?

NNY: well, maybe you could tell me whats going on - with me I mean. When did things start going so bad? I’ve been talking to dead rabbits and feeding blood-stained walls. I’ve done horrifying things salad-tongs. Its really eaten into my social life.

GOD: could you come back later? I’m tired.

NNY: please? Just some simple answers?

GOD: naaaah…I don’t wanna.

NNY: WHAT THE HELL’S YOUR PROBLEM GOD?!

GOD: I created the universe and now I just need some down-time.

NNY: that was billions of years ago!!! Don’t you think you should get up and pay attention to what’s been happening happening in the world!?!

GOD: ooooh, sorree!! I only created the universe!!! You’re right, I should be out running laps! (scratches ass)

NNY: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHATS GOING ON DOWN THERE?! HIDEOUS THINGS! PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, AND PEOPLE LIKE ME (heh)
ARE COMMITING SUICIDE, GENOCIDE! PEOPLE ARE KILLING MOOSE!
YOU BUY A VIDEO GAME SYSTEM, A BETTER ONE COMES OUT A MONTH LATER! POWDERED EGGGS!! SELF ESTEEM IS SO LOW, GIRLS ARE BUYING WONDER BRAS!!

NNY: GOD?

GOD: ZZZZZ….

END OF ACT 1

(insert screen-name) · 07-11-2007, 03:39 PM

A Divine Comedy

ACT II

TOUR GUIDE: hello, Johnny C. I-

NNY: please, I preffer to be called by my shorter name-

TOUR GUIDE: john?

NNY: *shudders* actually, I am commonly refered to as Nny.

TOUR GUIDE: Oh, I see. Well, anyhow, I am damned Elize. I shall be showing you around during your stay just because you don’t belong here doesn’t mean you cannot benefit from a visit.

TOUR GUIDE: you should know that the squalor out front is a reminder of what is being left behind, such as dog-feces. Though, as the vomiting angel told you, the appearances are trivial things here.
Once behind the gate things are much more sanitary.

NNY: um…

NNY: what the hell is this? This is life after death? No one’s doing anything!

TOUR GUIDE: of course, this is heaven. They’re not bored as you may think. There is no need to do anything. No vices to feed. No urges to succumb to. Freedom from need, and no need to desire. In life, the only desire of these people was the desire to be content.

NNY: so why don’t I feel this contentment?

TOUR GUIDE: because you don’t belong here. You are merely visiting. We do have churos though.

NNY: so why aren’t you like them?

TOUR GUIDE: because I’m in hell. Most of the service people here are from hell, cleaning up, guiding tours, working the registers. Contentment wasn’t my thing. Desire on the other hand… I feel none of the peacefulness here, I’ve plenty of time to think of other things.

NNY: like what?

TOUR GUIDE: like stripping off your clothes off with my teeth and contentment in some other way.

NNY: oh.

TOUR GUIDE: anyhow… there is an important lesson here. Understand that these people are not catatonic, they can get up and do as they please. In fact, they all have powers. Highly destructive weapons of the mind. But there is no desire to use them – either out of respect or out of fear of retaliation. Here, the futility and stupidity of aggression is understood.

NNY: that’s very pretty…

TOUR GUIDE: So you see, these are people vested powers yet haven’t the compulsion to use them. Now listen Johnny-

NNY: Nny.

TOUR GUIDE: though you feel the urge to-

DEAD GUY: will you please shut up?! I’m blissing over here!

NNY: hmmm… excuse me… I did not mean to disturb you… by the way, I hate your pants. (smiles and lifts foot)

DEAD GUY: (looks at pants self-concously) Now look, I’m agitated, please shut up now. You should die

NNY: you know, if I were you I would not talk that way to me. For all you know I could be a criminally-insane hermit that could easily dismember various limbs from your body with the plastic fork in my left back-pocket. So if you treasure your after-death life, you should probably utilize those legs of yours while they still attached to your waist and occupy yourself with one of those churos they sell at the administration desk.

DEAD GUY: and now you’ve done it. Now I shall tap into my spooky power-well and reveal my highly-destructive mind weapon.

TOUR GUIDE: I think you should probably leave now…

DEAD GUY: come back here! You skinny wacky little twerp!

NNY: (stops abruptly and turns around) what did you say?

DEAD GUY: I-

NNY: WACKY?

DEAD GUY: you know, now that I think about it, I am pretty hungry. I’m just gonna go get me a churo.

NNY: why, why of all the ass-lancing words. Why-why WACKY!?

DEAD GUY: uuumm...

NNY: man, I really think I like earth more. At least there was some decent people mixed in with the scum-doggies like you. (pulls spork out of back pocket)

DEAD GUY: oh no! Oh god no! I enjoy my limbs being attached to my body! Please!!

TOUR GUIDE: (throws blanket over Nny) goodbye.

DEAD GUY: (faints into chair)

END OF ACT II

(insert screen-name) · 07-11-2007, 03:40 PM

A Divine Comedy

ACT III

NNY: (crawls out of blanket) uuuugn…let me guess, hell right?

SATAN: yes we do get the sharp ones down here, don’t we?

NNY: oooooh! The devil!! Hello, I’m Nny.

SATAN: yes I know. I’ve been expecting you. As soon as we heard about your little heaven encounter, we figured they’d dump you on us.
they’re always gracing us with their excrement.

NNY: you’re mean, Mr. Devil.

SATAN: oh do refrain from calling me by that silly name. you people are always dreaming up new names for me.
You will address me by my proper, distinguished title – SENIOR DIABLO.

NNY: will “Mr. Satan” do?

SATAN: yeah, okay.

SATAN: okay, first of all, let me tell you that you don’t belong here. So you cant stay. I’ve no need for a soul I cant take.

NNY: what?? I don’t belong here either? What the hell is going on?!

SATAN: now come along. I must find someone to unload you on. I’ve better things to do than play tour-guide to a confused little brother.

NNY: I wonder if you can kill the devil….

NNY: hmm… aside from the total lack of inhabitants, hell looks a bit more alive than heaven. In fact, it looks a lot like the normal world. Just empty.

SATAN: oh no, this is just one of the abandoned areas. The damned are constantly trying to build better places, always moving. they keep away from these empty parts.
There is no point if they aren’t being seen.

NNY: hey, speaking of churros, do you know that little lawn-gnome of a god is horrible with answering questions?

Elderberry · 07-11-2007, 10:04 PM

act 4, (the script found on the grounds of the annual country fair by Jesus Venezuala, a Mexican migrant who was illiterate in english but saver of found things that looked important, not for their dollar worth, but if they seemed to catch a particular shade of light, or caught his eye being lifted in a certain wind current he was noticing lately. The first thing he saw, some pages were missing, they weren't all there, it wasn't complete by no means. Even though Jesus was just a garbage collector that day, he was familiar enough with the geometrics of the printed word to know that this was a script for a play or a movie of some kind. He thought about what he would insert into an ongoing play, fill in the places wherever he could. For Jesus (pronounced haysoos) knew himself, from reading other scripts, to be fairly imaginative and eager to find things out. For sure he would take it to the streets, or the fairgrounds, back on earth, because these were the places of of his grandmothers and grandfathers tales, tales they told him that were so believable.......what Jesus couldn't imagine, because his attention started to wander to the discarded syringes in the wet dirt by an extinguished campfire containing ashs and scorched aluminum beer cans, was this script, with its secret missing parts, parts where he thought about what he would write, was already the missing part of another script.....

We're getting ahead of ourselves...Act 4

mammamaia · 07-12-2007, 01:36 AM

i just wanna know how the bleep you pronounce 'nny'!??

(insert screen-name) · 07-12-2007, 02:38 PM

like the word "KNEE".
it makes perfect sense, the ending sylable of "johnny" is "nny" thus rendering it to be pronounced "KNEE".

mammamaia · 07-12-2007, 05:48 PM

ok... if you say so... but why is the character's name a 'sound' instead of an actual name?... is there some mystery involved?

(insert screen-name) · 07-12-2007, 06:41 PM

It's just a little oddity. And it's not a sound, it's an alternative nickname.

spides · 07-27-2007, 12:11 AM

Guide me if I'm wrong here but is this supposed to be a comedy.......because I fail to see anything funny in that at all........sorry!!!

paroma · 07-28-2007, 12:15 PM

its funny..no doubt...but perhaps more for a movie than a play?..cos its a bit floosy u kno...and i appreciate the floosines...but im not sure that everyone will...

Neva_Phillips · 07-31-2007, 08:03 PM

Okay....this is THE NNY right?
As in my hero of all time?
And why is he staring in a divine comedy? I'm gonna have to show my gf this. lol
Her nick name is Nny.
(she looks like Johnny the homicidal manic)

(insert screen-name) · 08-13-2007, 12:30 PM

Neva, Good for you, you figured it out! It's actually an abridged version of the Sixth issue of the series "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac".
Congratulations.