Sasha6

I wrote this pretty quick to for an All State thespian comptition. Tell me what you think!

(A woman sits on the floor holding a doll tightly to her bosom. She's rocking herself back and forth.)
Woman: (Whispers) Damn you John. (Yells) Damn you! Why? You took my most precious possetion. You took my baby! You deserved what you got. And now they call me the murderer. I saw you standing over her body. I saw the gun in your hand. You're the murderer, not I! Would you have killed me too if I had given you the chance? Would you have aimed that gun to my chest and pulled the trigger? You did it! You killed her!(In a lowered voice.) They say I shot you both. They tell me I'm crazy. But I know the truth. And the only thing I have left is her doll. The only thing I can remember my child by! (Chokes and looks to heaven.) Oh God why? Have I not done what you've wanted of me? Why did you let him kill her? (Screams) Where were you when he pulled the trigger? (Crying and rocking furoiusly) Oh my baby. My poor, poor child. I'm sorry. I should have been there to stop him. (Stops and looks into the distance, her eyes glassy.) Deseret? I hear you baby. I hear you. (Motions with her hand.) Come to moma. I'll sing you to sleep. (Starts to lay down as she pulls the doll close to her like it is her child. She sings a French lullaby "Au Clair de la Lune.)
Au clair de la lune,
Mon ami, Pierrot,
Prêtemoi ta plume
Pour écrire un mot!
Ma chandelle est morte,
Je n'ai plus de feu;
Ouvremoi ta porte, (whsipers last line and closes her eyes.)
Je suis très peureux!

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My signifacant other at the moment is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personalities and self-obsession.

mammamaia

sorry, but writing it all in a block like that makes it too hard to read... and if you must include french text, don't leave the hyphens out of les imperatifs!

Prête-moi
Ouvre-moi

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"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

penforhire

The detectives in your fictional world suck.

Can't they find fingerprints or something?

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Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.

archer88iv

Always believe what the character says...

...never assume the character is correct. Maybe she really is nuts?

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-J

Sasha6

Maybe. That's up to the audience...an author has the right to make them think.
Many monologue's are written in block form. I am an actress and have had to read monologues like that. Also, I copied and pasted "Au Clair de la Lune" sine I do not have a format that will let me accent any of the words right.

I can only refer to what archer has pointed out. The audience doesn't know if the character is nuts. It's left fr them to think what they will.

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My signifacant other at the moment is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personalities and self-obsession.

Kimba

Isn't it the power of the audience to interpret a live performance that governs its success? If the writer hasn't intended a character to be nuts and yet the audience thinks otherwise, then the writer hasn't done a good enough job to convince them as such.

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Kimba
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Sasha6

What if the writer did intend the character to be nuts? Haven't you ever read a piece where you didn't know if the author was going for one thing or the other? It's like the author leaves it up to the audience to decide what they think is really going on, or what they want to believe is going on. It's open for how you want to interpret it.

__________________
My signifacant other at the moment is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personalities and self-obsession.

Kimba

If the audience interprets the play as the writer intended it, then he/she has done their job. At the end of the day, it is the writer who decides what the plot is and how the characters are portrayed. No one else can do that for them.

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Kimba
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mammamaia

that wouldn't stop you from adding the hyphens [-] where needed... i can't understand why any program would delete them... besides, you have the accents showing there, so i don't get what you're saying...

__________________
For 100% free writing help/mentoring:
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"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi